


Make You Mine

by Astral_Sea



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Café, College!Joe Mazzello, Drinking, Drug Use, Fluff, Heartache, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Joe is sad, M/M, Mentioned Ben and Gwilym, Minor Character Death, Minor Rami and Lucy, Minor death, Miscommunication, Praise Kink, Shotgunning, Slow Updates, Smut, almost engaged Ben but I stopped that shit real quick, bad influence, ben needs a hug, i swear i love these boys, joe is broke, mention of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-10-27 15:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 79,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17769653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astral_Sea/pseuds/Astral_Sea
Summary: The glamours life of being a movie star isn't always so glamours. It becomes lonely. The girls come and go, sucking you dry of every penny you have before leaving. The alcohol is only a quick fix just as much as the cigarettes and occasionally blunt. But, none of it ever made Ben feel.. good. All he wanted was someone witty, someone to keep him on his toes.Enter Joe, a college student struggling to find his way in the world and falling deeper and deeper into the world of debt.





	1. Caught In My Headspace

The once luscious mansion was trashed with people, enough to have to shoulder your way through just to get a drink. It already smelled of alcohol, stale cigarettes, and the unmistakable hint that weed was already being smoked. There was a DJ pumping guest's chests with a heavy bass so strong you could barely make out the words to whatever garbage they called music these days.

There sat Ben, bored out of his mind and having already lost Gwilym to the crowd of people and cloud of smoke. They arrived together, being as they were staying in the same hotel for the Golden Globes. He wondered around being polite and greeting people who went out of their way to start a conversation with him. It was always about his newest project, since it had been nominated for a Globe, but that was to be expected and Ben honestly didn't mind. He rather that then have them ask his whole life story that they would have to plaster a fake smile for. 

With a sigh he grabbed a drink from one of the many tables and knocked it back, not caring what it was but dying to be able to let loose after all the tension that came with filming and these sorts of social interactions. Parties, while fun and exciting, weren't exactly his thing. He liked to believe he had gotten all the partying out of his system by this point in his twenty six years. 

He took another glass, knocked it back, then another. Ben enjoyed the feeling it gave him when it finally settled and all he could feel was the warmth spread over his chest up to his cheeks. Finding somewhere to discard the glasses he had been knocking back, which ended up being a small round table with too many water marks to be good for the wood, he made his way to the sofa in the back of the mansion and plopped down, planning on scrolling through social media until the alcohol set in and he felt like mingling. 

That idea didn't last long when two women quickly crowed as close to him as humanly possible. The large sofa big enough for one person to sleep on with plenty of room to stretch out, but both women decided they would much rather squish themselves to Ben. Trying to get his attention by pressing themselves to him and acting as if they were beyond intoxicated. The brunette had her slim arm wrapped around his neck with her fingers splayed over his chest. She was practically sitting in his lap at this point, their legs flush together pushing heat between the two. Her body twisted in a way that the side of her chest was pressed into his and he could smell the nicotine mixing with something much stronger making him almost dizzy. 

The other woman, a red head, had a hand placed firmly on his thigh. Every so often, as if to remind him she was there as if her hand on his thigh wasn't reminder enough, she would squeeze just enough to get his attention and warrant a small hitch in his breathing. One way or another one of these women were going to strike out and be able to say that they were lucky enough to sleep with the infamous 'Ben Hardy'. 

This really wasn't his scene. Not one bit. In fact, if it was up to him he would much rather be snuggled up under a thick blanket flipping through channels or watching one of the many shows Gwilym had recommended to him on more than one occasion. He would have even taken another long day on set if it meant going straight home, plopping on his two sizes too big bed after toeing off another pair of expensive shoes and tossing whatever he was wearing till he was down to just a comfortable pair of boxers, and sleeping till noon. 

Thinking on it now, Ben honestly missed being able to spend time with his long time friend, Gwilym. They had been close friends after meeting in an American high school as exchange students both from England, being able to make fun of weird American culture and of course telling tales from back home, had brought them closer than any other of their friends. Turns out they also ended up not being more than a drive away back home so when they enviably returned home they kept in close contact. 

Of course being so close when it came time to pick a Uni they had applied to the same schools hoping one would accept them both. And with what little luck they had they were able to go to a well known Uni together. Uni for the two boys had consisted of parties, girls, the occasion blunt, and alcohol. Of course that also meant looking out for each other when morning hangovers were more than the other could bare or just being there when the homework started to pile up and it seemed like every professor was out to get you. Nights like those, when one felt as though they wanted to pull every strand of hair from their scalp, the other would be right behind them. Supporting them through whatever bullshit paper had to be done with more pages than necessary. When things with papers and midterms had slowed and it seemed neither had a care in the world they would hangout in their shared dorm which, by a stroke of luck, they were able to room together. 

Movie nights were always one of Ben's favorite things about their friendship. Starting back from when they were in high school back in America where they would go between each other's houses and find a shitty movie they could both laugh at, sneaking enough beer to get that wonderful tingle but not enough for someone to notice they were missing. 

The two would end up on one of their beds, their feet tangled and greasy fingers, from whatever microwaveable popcorn and candy they had managed to raid from each other's houses and corner stores, brushing. Ben thinks this is when he first started to realize he wasn't straight, or at least completely straight. He always had a feeling he was a bit different from the other boys but shrugged it off. 

Gwilym, though, had given him the freedom to explore that curiosity he had deep inside. Letting curious hands and twitching fingers comb through his short locks. It had started out as soft touches at first. A simple brush of finger tips here or finding themselves wrapped around each other the morning after a long night of partying or just laying around and talking. Many nights Ben would find himself sprawled out on their dorm floor, his head laid comfortably on Gwilym's lap and expert fingers combing through his hair. A calm washed over Ben on those nights when Gwilym would play with his hair and they could talk about anything on their minds. At one point, after a night of light drinking and consuming all the junk food their stomaches could handle and there wallets could afford, Ben had finally made a move. 

A movie bathed Gwilym's face in hues of blue. It was a movie they had just thrown on to talk over and occasionally throw popcorn at just for fun, knowing later they would have to clean it all up in fear of sleeping on popcorn kernels and ending up with bugs in their room. That's the last thing they needed right now. 

"Have you ever kissed a bloke before?" Ben had asked, never turning his gaze from the women crying on their small laptop screen. They were once again sat flush against each other as to make sure they both could see if they did want to watch whatever shitty movie was playing. 

Gwilym, who had been partly watching the movie at this point as their previous conversation had trailed off for the walls to finish for them, had been caught off guard by this. "Um, well no. Can't say I have. How about you mate? Any lucky bloke out there able to say they kissed the one and only 'Ben Hardy'?" He chuckled at his own joke waiting for Ben to answer with his own remark. 

"Nah..." he trailed off, his fingers drawling patterns on the back of Gwilym's hand. Then he continued, "wanna give it a try then?" 

The kiss had been simple, Ben leaning in to just brush their lips together. It wasn't weird, wasn't any different from any other kiss they both had experienced before. But Gwilym wouldn't let Ben off the hook just like that though. Knowing that wouldn't be enough to satisfy either of their curiosity. Seeing him start to slowly pull away, he tangled his fingers through soft blonde locks and pulled Ben back to crash their lips together. 

It was different this time. Ben let a soft yelp of surprise escape, quickly being swallowed by Gwilym. Teeth clumsily bumped teeth and Ben could taste the cheap vodka they had been able to knick early on in the night by a mutual friend. The smell of nicotine and something just, so Gwilym, has his brain fuzzy. Now only being able to focus on the warm pair of lips and skilled fingers working through his hair. He turned his body, never breaking away from the kiss, and placed both of his palms on either of Gwilym's cheeks. 

When they pulled away, breathless, Ben was the first to speak up. His eyes opening slowly and his swollen lips curving into a smile. "Wow." 

"You aren't too bad yourself there, Mate." The taller man chuckled. 

That wasn't the last time they would found themselves in each other's arms. It became a habit after that to kiss each other. Almost like a silent agreement between the two boys. Ben would be awoken by a set of lips pulling the air from his lungs, leaving him breathless and a tad aroused. And of course he would return the favor by kissing Gwilym goodnight, finding himself mostly gathered in strong arms sitting almost completely in his lap. He would leave Gwilym with a smirk, knowing the man would need a cold shower before he could even think about sleeping. They never shagged, both finding the simple touches, make out sessions and hand jobs enough. 

Sadly after graduation they had drifted enough to only be able to speak maybe once a week and they were only able to hangout every few months if they were lucky. And, even now they hadn't been able to do their movie nights in a while with all the filming they both had been doing, ending up in different parts of the world at different times. Their friendship, luckily, had not taken much of a hit white their schedules had kept them busy and rarely able to talk. 

Ben couldn't exactly complain. This was something he had always wanted. His dream had been to be a well known actor and well, that's exactly what he was. The fame, the parties, the girls, everything he had pictured and dreamed of was right in front of him. He finally had money and with that came all the nice things he could ever ask for. Ben also had people from all walks of life surrounding him, but he was sure at this point that they only wanted him for the money he owned. He was ok with that when the emptiness is chased away by the feeling of another body on his or the ringing of fake laughter throughout his penthouse. 

"Benny, take this babe it'll make you feel good." Another drink had been passed his way knocking himself out of his spiraling thoughts. He tipped it back, finishing the glass in a few quick gulps and wiping his chin clean of any spills. The burn felt nice rolling down his throat and settling in his far too empty stomach. The feeling of warmth spreading throughout his chest made his body relax once more, laying back on the plush sofa and trying his damnedest to listen to the babbling from either side of him. 

When the warmth from the hand on his thigh had left him he almost looked, almost cared. The haze making him forget how uncomfortable he had initially felt. That feeling of loss had been short lived when the hand had placed itself back down higher up on his thigh, the red heads breath mingling with his. At this point he didn't care much for anything. A quick shag would make him feel that much better about his empty home and even emptier heart.

"Benny," she started, "this party's getting boring. Why don't we go and have a bit of our own fun?" The brunette pouted and left with a huff when Ben  
shrugged and stood up with the red head hanging off his arm. She pulled him up the spiral staircase with a giggle, not being able to hide her giddiness. 

Just another night, with another nameless girl. But it wasn't his fault. He just wanted to chase the feeling of being alone away. He had thought about getting a pet but he realized quickly, after speaking to Gwilym of course, that his long hours of shooting wouldn't be fair to whatever animal he would end up adopting. A dog most likely, a big dog that could run into his legs when he came home and sit in his lap leaving him with a comfortable heaviness while snuggling up to watch something on tv. 

He thought about dating too, but that never seemed to really work out for him. They were brainless models that his agency would set him up with for public appearances. He'd much rather be alone than with someone who couldn't do more than giggle and smile pretty for a camera. The brainless or the girls who simply stuck around so he could buy them nice things before they grew tired of him. And he would keep buying anything they asked, hoping to keep them if just to keep his home that much less empty. 

Ben, during the period of his career when he was still small and the only jobs he could get were modeling ones, had only ever dated one girl worth mentioning. She was career driven, smart, passionate, beautiful woman. He ate up every word she said, promising they would be able to visit Rome like she always had wanted to and making a mental note to remember to learn Italian to be able to whisper sweet words to her. They would talk through the late nights when they both didn't instantly fall asleep after a long day of shooting.

But he could look pass that. She had everything else going for her. Never really asking for much and just letting them live comfortably together. He almost fell in love with her. Ben had been walking through their small shopping plaza, scarf wrapped around his neck and covering most of his face while gloved fingers played with whatever coin was left in his coat pocket. Walking past one of the store fronts, a shimmer had caught his attention. It was a beautiful ring, a beautifully simple band and tasteful diamonds adoring the stone. 

It called out to him, willing him to step into the warmth of the shop and buy the ring right there. Well that is until they asked if he wanted it engraved. Ben nodded excitedly, wanting this to mean as much to her as it did to him. And so he waited, impatiently checking his phone until the call came in. Ben practically sprinted from the shoot that day, making up and excuse as to why he had to go and almost knocking over more people then he cared to count. He had let her know then he wouldn't be back for awhile and to pick a movie for their movie night. 

When he picked up the ring it was as beautiful as he remembered, maybe even more so with the beautiful cursive neatly engraved into the band. In cursive read 'Non posso vivere senza di te' and reading that simple phrase made him all the more giddy. She would love it. And with that he walked to their shared flat at the time, his pocket weighing more than he remembered. Stopping only once to pick up a big bouquet of flowers.

That same day his heart had been shattered into tiny little pieces. When he came home that night, clothes had been thrown carelessly around their small flat. Confused, Ben looked in each room for her until he came to their bedroom door. Hearing soft moaning he couldn't help but smirk. Shaking off the bad feeling that had settled into the pit of his stomach and letting relief wash over him he opened the door with a creak. 

"Baby girl, you left quite a mess for me to clean up. I think that deserves-" and there she was, with another man, in their bed. He felt as though he couldn't breathe, move, think. His heart dropped and the small velvet box burned a hole through his pocket. Ben felt as though each thorn from the roses he had gotten her were piercing every inch of his palm and fingers. His shoulders hunched, his eyes downcast, and his mouth dried. No words.

"Benny, I didn't realize-" he didn't even let her finish just closed the door softly behind him, gathered his phone cord and his phone and walked out. Leaving her and that flat behind. Gwilym had opened his flat up to Ben with open arms, taking the ring from Ben and hiding it away so he wouldn't have the burden of having it. But, Ben after crying it out, which he will never admit to doing, asked for the ring back. He wanted it as a reminder, a reminder that he had loved once. That he had almost found the perfect girl. 

The ring now serves as a reminder to him everyday that he was never perfect. Ben was never this untouchable force. He was just as imperfect as the rest. There must have been something wrong with him for her to have cheated. Maybe she did want him to buy her things even small things like clothes or a watch. Maybe he should have tried to spend more time with her or took her out more. He racked his brain and tore himself apart until Gwilym slowly pulled him out of it. 

He hated to say he had fallen into a depression, but that was the only way to explain the never ending heartache that constantly weighed on his heart. He threw himself into work and pulled from any unnecessary human contact. Locking himself up in Gwilym's spare room for as long as Gwilym would put up with.

After her it seemed no one else could compare. They were other looking for his money or a quick shag every now and again. But, all Ben really wanted was someone witty, imperfect, someone who would see his flaws instead of constantly feeding him praise.

That person couldn't possibly exist for him... could they?


	2. The City Crashing Over Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context, this is BEFORE Ben’s chapter. Probably six months or so before the first chapter. Please keep that in mind or this will confuse you.

“You know, as cool as it would be, no matter how hard you try your eyes won't magically turn into lasers and disintegrate Prof." Rami quipped next to him, chomping on more junk food he claimed his breakfast. 

These first year extra bullshit classes Joe didn't really have to take we're kicking his ass. Now, for context, Joe had always been a good student. He tried his best, well, when it was absolutely necessary and never waited till last minute to complete homework. High school had run smoothly for him, his nose buried in a book and his grades good enough to make both his parents not worry about what he did. Lucky for them Joe had no interest in getting into trouble while in school, keeping mostly to himself but still being able to have friend in all walks of life due to his outward personality. 

His junior and senior year the baseball team had welcomed him easily with open arms and when he wasn't playing that he was buried in homework. Being one of the few students in AP classes among his tight knit friend group, he wasn't able to hangout much, choosing to keep up with his studies to keep his parents off his back. He would be out of that house soon anyway when he finally got the scholarship to the arts school out in Los Angeles. 

It had always been his dream to be able to publish his own book, something filled with the adventures he knew he would never have the money to do and romance to make you sick. Joe had always been a sucker for romance novels, loving the trouble the couples would always find themselves in but always finding one way or another to get out of it. Well, excluding Romeo and Juliet but does that even count as a novel? 

A harsh poke to his side had Joe huff in annoyance and look up from his doodle where his notes should have been, he hadn't been in the mood to write notes when he had already learned this bullshit in school. Been there done that. 

"Mr. Mazzello, am I, perhaps, boring you with my lecture?" Shit. The whole class looked up from their own notes and back at Joe who had set himself near the back of the class. He smiled politely at the Professor, bitting his tongue from coming back with his own sarcastic comment.

"Of course not sir." 

"Then please pay attention and stop that insistent doodling of yours." He turned back to focusing on the board and to the rest of the class who were mostly trying not to fall asleep. Joe shrugged, not one to be easily embarrassed and smiled at a girl who seemed to have found his public humiliation to be just so hilarious. She quickly turned around realizing he had noticed her laughing. 

"What a thought, bitch." 

Class ended without anymore excitement, Rami promising to hand his notes over even when Joe persistently claimed he didn't need them. "Ram, you know I can hardly read your chicken scratch anyway." He sighed, knowing better than to count on his friend to come through for him if he really did need said notes. 

"Are you ok, Joe? You've seemed kind of out of it recently." The darker skinned boy kept pace with Joe all the way back to their dorm, throwing down his bag and not carrying much where it landed. The older boy sighed once more, finding himself doing that more recently. He practically threw himself into his creaky old bed arm covering his eyes and a huff leaving his lips. 

"It's just... papers keep piling up and I feel like everyday I'm falling further into more debt than I'll ever be able to drag myself out of." He expressed what had been on his mind for a few weeks now, feeling a calm wash over him at being able to finally get his thoughts off his chest. "I," He continued, "I'm not gonna lie, Ram. Sometimes I feel like my parents were right." He moved his arm and twisted his body enough to look at the other boy. "Maybe this just isn't for me. Maybe I should just go back home and go to community college and get a normal nine to five job, ya know?" 

Rami simply raised an eyebrow, a snort leaving him before he was able to stop himself. "Joe, we both know you would never go back to your parents not unless you were held at gun point," Joe raised an eyebrow, "and even then that's questionable." 

He walked to Joe's bed, carefully stepping over textbook hidden by dirty clothes and bags of junk food they really shouldn't be eating. The bed bounced when Rami flopped down, the springs groaning at the strain. The younger boy laid his head on the other's side, putting his hands behind his head and looking up at the old ceiling that was cracking at this point. 

"Joe, I know it's hard right now." Rami started turning his head enough to look at the boy in question, "but I know you can do this. Times are hard now and that's perfectly normal everyone struggles. I know I haven't known you that long but I can already tell you're gonna be great Joe." An easy smile fell over Rami's face. 

"Joe, you are amazing and witty and so smart that it's intimidating. And even though you can be an asshole sometimes," Rami's could hear Joe chuckle and that kept him going, "you deserve this more than anyone. One day Joe, your name will be plastered everywhere. 'Joe Mazzello, New York Time's best seller!' And of course I'll be there to tell you I told you so. And of course listen to you tell your parents you told them so. You proved you were worth more than some shitty nine to five job in some small cubicle where you would have to deal with some creep peeping over into your space all the time.” Another chuckle and a soft 'of course' was Joe's response. Rami really was a good friend. He always knew just what to say to make Joe feel better. 

They had met Rami’s first day on campus, Rami being so lost he didn’t see the olden boy walking in his direction, just as distracted. The pair ended up knocking each other over. From that point on they just seemed to, click. Joe was thankful he ended up rooming with someone relatively normal after not having a roommate most of his college experience, not wanting to deal with someone who brought someone back to their dorm. He was really not ready for that kind of relationship with another human, ever. The younger boy had excitedly fussed over Joe, wanting to know everything about him and his funny accent. 

The two ended up at a small cafe on campus where the ended up talking about anything and everything finding out they had a lot more in common then initially thought. They talked and laughed till their stomachs hurt and tears curled in the corners of their eyes. It was nice, the darker skinned boy had been the nicest person he had met since moving from New York and he had already been in Los Angeles for three years. 

"Thanks Ram, you really are a good friend." Joe thanked, ruffling his hair and carefully sitting up as not to disturb the other boy. 

"So, that means I'm the first one to be dedicated in your master piece once its published." 

"Don't push it Rami," Joe joked but Rami waved him off.

"What an honor Joe, I mean really you don't have to," before the older boy could interject Rami continued, "but if you insist I'd be ecstatic to have you dedicate your master piece to little ole' me." Joe ignored Rami sending a nice eye roll his way. Joe had grown used to his antics, being completely used to his theatrical behavior by now. The boy would make an amazing actor one day, he was sure of it. 

The New Yorker ruffled his own hair to make it look somewhat presentable before he was off to work. He had gotten a job at the cafe Rami and him had first stopped at practically the first day he started classes on campus, knowing he would need the money much sooner than later. The older woman who owned it welcomed him into her staff as quickly as he had asked for the job, commenting on how she was more than happy to take his help.

He had been working there every since, hating the customers but loving the sweet old lady who always helped when she could with tough course work or gave him drinks on the house when he decided studying there would be much easier than trying to study at his dorm where, Rami would more than likely be practicing his lines in front of a mirror. The first time walking into that was a bit weird but Joe understood he was trying to gauge his emotions for his performance. Didn't make it any less weird to find your roommate of only a few weeks screaming "Listen, you broken down old queen. He was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky! Don't ever call here again!" 

He smiled at the memory, saying his quick goodbyes to his roommate who claimed to try and attempt homework tonight but he knew he would come back to Rami sleeping over another paper on musical theory.  Joe would be forced to put his questionable strength to test by attempting, but failing, to carefully lift his friend up from his desk and lay him in bed. It would usually end up with Rami dead weight dropping to the ground and Joe not being able to hold back his laughter. 

This physics work was absurdly unnecessary, he had better things to do then make a scene at work. Throwing the physics textbook across the cafe had crossed Joe's mind more than once, especially when a mouthy customer would give him a snarky comment or two. Then Joe remembered how much said book had cost and that helped chase away all thoughts of tossing or aggressively ripping the pages out and starting a small fire for him and Rami to make S'mores over. 

"Something seems to be bothering you, Sweets. Anything I can help you with?" The older women looked up from her book, watching Joe absentmindedly push the wet rag over the stores counter top. Her guess, he was trying his best to avoid finishing his work. 

The cafe owner and Joe had become close not long after he had started working there. She always made it easy for Joe to work while getting any coursework he had done and would always be the first to step in with advise to keep the young ginger moving. That had been been over three years ago with him working not only at the little cafe but also picking up little odd jobs wherever he could. The older women appreciated Joe’s dedication and hard work and always had her doors open to him if he ever needed anything especially after Joe had opened up to her one night and she was informed of how little he kept in contact with his parents back home. 

"I'm alright, I suppose. Just, my physics Prof is a dic-" he glanced at her and coughed, "um a jerk and assigns more work than necessary. I shouldn't even be in his shi- stupid, his stupid class. I passed physics with flying colors back home." Joe sighed, remembering clearly how the headmaster had told him that 'unfortunately they couldn't accept his credits' and so he was forced into a class with work he did before with people who either didn't care or cared way too much. And maybe he wouldn’t have been so pissed about it if they had made this mistake the first two years of him being at the school but of course they had waited. ‘Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Mazzello but there’s nothing we can do about it other than putting you back into the class. It seems you didn’t have much trouble in high school so I’m sure you’ll do just fine’ 

‘Just fine my ass’

She smiled warmly at him, putting her book down but not before marking her page by simply folding the corner of the old worn paper. He took noticed of how old the pages looked, looking worn from overuse but overall still looking taken care of. Just aged. “That's just how it goes sometimes, Sweets. Not much you can do about it but get through it." She ushered him over, seeing as the little cafe was slow at the moment. The few students that were there were far too gone finishing the last of their papers or praying they would have enough words for their Prof to even bother grading it. 

Joe left the rag sitting on the counter and moved to her table, carefully pulling the old wooden chair out and trying not to let the poor old chair groan. "When I was your age," she started, "I was just like you." 

"Stuck in a shitty class with a Prof that's out to get you and a roommate who may be just a tad crazy?" Joe muttered. She shook her head with a laugh, never quite getting used to Joe's wit.

"Now now don't interrupt me." The grey haired women quipped back and Joe made an effort to show him zipping his own mouth closed. "I had come from a small town, thinking Hollywood was my way out of the same old routine. I went to this school you know. Oh, don't give me that look." She waved him off with a huff.

"I took my classes, graduated top of my class, and thought that would be it for me. I would be able to find a job now with my diploma, using all the knowledge my Professor's had given me." She picked up her mug, wrinkled finger curled carefully around the handle showing her true age. "That wasn't the case. It took me years to find someone who would hire me, but you know what?" 

"What?" Joe asked, leaning in closer interested to see if he would come to find that this sweet little old lady had been a popular figure in her prime.

"I never gave up and that's how I made it to my goal. So, if you get anything out of this conversation young man, it's to never give up on your dream. Starting with finishing that coursework of yours." He groaned but knew she was right. So, he spent the rest of his shift leaning over the corner resisting the urge to set fire to the damned book and going on his merry way. 

Rami was already asleep by the time he made it back to the dorms, but he was too tired to help his poor friend out so he left him there, making a mental night to apologize for the strained neck he was sure to wake up with. 

The next few days were uneventful as any. His Profs all giving him enough coursework to cry and work keeping him busy enough to not think too much of the impending doom of the end of the semester and the fines he knew he would have to pay if he wanted to continue his schooling. Joe won't lie, he had thought of all the fast ways of getting quick money. Stripping just wasn't for him, not because he wasn't fit enough but, well, he wasn’t quite comfortable stripping for a bunch of strangers. Joe will pass on that one. Instead he worked his ass of at the cafe, thinking of getting a second job at the bookstore down the road and picking up as many hours as his boss will allow before she yells at him for overworking himself. 

By the end of the week he was exhausted. Dark circles adored his eyes, carrying all the baggage of the week and his body not fairing any better. He aches everywhere from leaning over the corner to finish his coursework or sitting at their tiny work desk for far longer than what could be considered good for oneself. 

"You need a break man, and that's why I'm suggesting we-" 

"Rami I've told you already I don't HAVE the money to spend at a bar right now. I need to pick up more hours and I was planning on seeing if anyone else was hiring right now." If Rami rolled his eyes any harder they would be halfway across their dorm floor right now. 

"Joe, if you keep working yourself like this you'll be a bag of bones before you know it! Come on I'm only asking for one night of fun. Then you can go back to being the boring old 'Joe Mazzello' I so know and love." Rami begged. 

Joe knew Rami was right. He could feel the exhaustion eating away at him. The last time he remembered going out was a few months ago when Joe had thought he had the money to spend on a drink or two. That had turned into three which turned into twelve which turned into both boys chugging down shots like their life depended on it. That had been months ago. Joe could practically still feel the hangover he had had the next morning. He honestly thought he was dying by how much he emptied his stomach the next morning. Rami, he remembered, the bastard was perfectly unfazed. With a sigh he placed his head in his hands, hoping to rub the lack of sleep right out of himself. Money was extremely tight right now, only being able to afford the cheapest food money could buy and the necessities.

One night, it couldn’t hurt. He could leave his wallet at home, maybe use his charm to get someone to buy a drink or two for him. Joe snorted, he hadn’t been out in awhile and hadn’t slept with anyone even longer. Getting someone’s attention would be a blessing at this point. Maybe he could bum off Rami. 

“... fine but only this once Rami,” Joe had already been gathered up in Rami’s arms. The other boy was beyond happy. He didn’t like watching his friend crash and burn right in front of him. This would help loosen him up a bit before you went crazy or dropped out, the first more likely than the ladder. 

“Only this once,” Joe repeated over Rami’s ranting of finding something decent in Joe’s closet for him to wear. 

“Yeah yeah I got that already,” The younger man muttered already rummaging through their closets to find something half decent to wear. Joe was regretting agreeing to the whole ‘going out‘ thing already. He laid back on his bed, not moving as Rami threw clothes all around their dorm leaving no space cleared. Closing his eyes, he figured he’d let the boy have his fun. 

And that’s how Joe ended up with an overly excited Rami, practically vibrating outside a packed out club miles away from their campus. The line they were standing in seemed like it went on for miles, people who could only be described as beautiful standing all around them. Glares and sharp looks made Joe feel like Rami’s eye laser theory from class had been a lie and these people were all trying to turn them to dust. 

“Joe, don’t look so nervous.” Rami bumped his shoulder and Joe couldn’t help but huff, eyebrow raised. He fought the urge to cross his arms afraid one wrong move and all the people surrounding them would pounce. 

“What are we doing here Ram?” Joe quietly asked his friend, “How are we even going to get in!” He let his frustration show for only a spilt second before realizing the people around them had stopped to look at him. Fuck. He really didn’t need this right now. The older man had his own problems to deal with without all these assholes glaring holes through him like bullet wounds. 

“Just watch this, dear Joey.” Rami completed ignored his friend’s outburst as they approached the entrance to the club in questions. The music was blasting so loud from inside it was ringing through Joe’s ears and giving him a headache. That might also be caused from lack of sleep but he wasn’t going to mention that either. He could smell the unmistakable smell of nicotine and he had to fight of the urge to scrunch up this nose in disgust. 

The bouncer took one look at them and almost cracked a smile. “And what do we have here?” He was tall, his voice deep enough to sound threatening. Looking like a typical bouncer in the movies, it was almost hard to take him seriously. 

Rami leaned in and whispered something to the guy before pulling away with a triumphant smile. The bouncer stepped aside and let them both in without a word. The people around them were surprised and Joe practically sprinted inside to avoid their stares. 

“Rami, I have to say... that was about the coolest thing I have ever seen you do. What was that?” The older man was shaking with nerves and excitement at seeing his friend schmooze the bouncer. Rami waved him off, a playful smirk adoring his features. The younger man told Joe not to worry his pretty little head over it and lead them to the bar for much needed drinks. Bumping shoulders with people had dirty looks sent their way but Rami didn’t seem to have a care in the world and Joe was still trying to get over the initial shock of even being able to get into such a high end club. 

The first set of drinks had, luckily, been on Rami who didn’t mind spending a little money on his dear friend. Maybe he could find someone to loosen the man up with. God he needed to get laid, he was as stiff as a board and it showed. 

Joe appreciated the drinks, smiling and knocking them back easily. He could feel his muscles relax and warmth start to spread. The ginger had almost forgotten what it felt like to let go for once. Worrying over his piling debt and coursework has kept him away from parties and with no girlfriend he had to use his poor hand to get off most day, embarrassed he was even still doing this. Biting his hand in the shower to keep his voice down and feeling shame wash over him after his orgasm had finally let his brain take over once more. 

Rami ordered a round of shots, which they knocked back like they were water, and then dragged Joe out to where the DJ was situated in the large room, bathing them all in hues of purple and pinks. Joe had loosened up enough to get more than just a toe tapping, dancing and laughing with Rami. They could care less if they bumped into people but most of the people dancing were so drunk at this point they simply stumbled and ended up lent over giggling like mad men. 

“Excuse me,” the accent threw Joe off. A warm hand gently placed itself on his shoulder, a light touch that didn’t bother Joe in the slightest. When he turned to put a face the hand was attached to he was so glad he didn’t have a drink in his hand or, god forbid, he hadn’t taken a drink because it would have been all over this beautiful, dark haired giant of a man. Fuck. He was so royally screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFF HANGER... you’re welcome! I’ll probably be posting chapter 3 today or Friday depending. Anyway hope you guys enjoyed. I know this one was a bit more dialogue heavy so sorry about that. Also for context, Joe is 21 (younger than Ben) and if you didn’t get it the college he attends messed up his schedule so he had to take a class normally freshman would take. Rami is in there because his a little baby freshman.  
> Any questions please ask!


	3. One Night Turning Everything Upside Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo unfortunately I’m going away for the weekend so I’m not sure if i’ll be able to post anything till late Monday night. Hopefully that doesn’t happen. 
> 
> Hope you guys like this chapter... it took a while to write and I feel like it’s kinda rushed so I’m sorry about that!

'Fuck. Ok, ok. He's not even that hot. He's just cute.' Joe sized the tall, gor- not gorgeous stranger, being a little too obvious. Rami had a knowing smirk on this face, ready to watch from the sidelines as his friend went home with the good looking man.

'Fuck, ok, so maybe he was hot...' the ginger could still hear the gentle giants voice in his head and feel his large hand on his shoulder, which helped him fall deeper into thought. 'Shit ok, he was more than hot. Like sit on his fucking face hot.' He, not so subtly, checked the stranger out one more time before realizing the man was looking at him expectedly. 'Shit.'

"I'm sorry I ah, I didn't get that." The older man had to almost scream over the music just for him to be able to assume the beautiful stranger had heard him, and even then he wasn't sure if he had been heard. Trying his best to come up with a flaw on this man, he couldn't. He wanted to ask how the weather was up there, just to get a response out of the other man but it seemed all his jokes had been melted away by the gentle smile on the mans face. 

The after party had been for Gwilym and the rest of the film crew for their outstanding work and of course finally wrapping on the bloody thing. So, instead of going back to his hotel room and calling Ben to make sure he hadn't gotten himself into too much trouble, he ended up in the back seat of some limousine. He made an effort to at least send a quick message to his long time friend who had been down in the dumps recently. 

The whole ride to the well known club on the classier side of LA had been full of snapchat videos, silly antics, and lots of photos that would definitely end up on Instagram tomorrow morning. When hangovers were a force to be reckoned with and your new friend was the bin or, Gwilym preferred, the toilet. 

When they did show up the bouncer all but threw the rope down and greeted them all with as much enthusiasm as a fan would, only a few of the guests actually being kind enough to thank the man or say their own 'hellos'. Gwilym wasn't too close to anyone from the cast besides a sweet girl named Lucy. 

Lucy and him had become friends quickly after realizing they both didn't have much in common with the few cast members that did go out of there way to talk to them. The rest were mostly stuck up and rude, only wanting to talk to them to get into their collective pants. The blonde's relationship with Gwilym turned quickly into something brotherly that she wouldn't have expected but loved all the same as filming went on. She was even more thrilled when she finally had the chance to meet Ben, the blonde boy Gwilym talked about all the time like he was something precious and fragile. 

She had listened intently when Gwilym gave her a peek into Ben when they had been out getting drinks together. Her heart breaking for the young boy who she wanted so badly to wrap her arms around and fight off anyone who dared to hurt him. The brunette didn't get into too much detail, not wanting to completely out all the things his friend had unfortunately been through but Lucy understood. It wasn't her place to question or push. 

When she did finally meet the oh so infamous Ben, she had to stop herself from collecting him quickly in her arms at how broken he looked. You could see  
the broken look in his eyes and the fake smile he tried his best to plaster on his face. But she didn't want to push and cause the boy to drawl further into himself. 

It took awhile, a few months of the three of them hanging out, but Lucy quickly became a permanent member of their small friend groups and she couldn't have asked for more. The boys became her shield from creeps and, despite her small stature and sweet personality, Lucy fought off any hussy who thought of trying to step up on her two favorite boys. 

"None of these girls are worthy of my boys," she huffed with arms crossed. The boys tried to stop their laughter but not hard enough. "You both know you have to get approval before I let some gold digger near my two favorite boys." 

Gwilym and Lucy had walked in together, her craning her neck to be able to look at him but not minding much and him leaning down to make it that much easier for her. The two were able to make it to the bar with few hiccups aside the snares from the girls and glares from the guys. People hated how close they were. Ever since Lucy came along it was harder to get close to Gwilym than ever before when it was just him and Ben, and, of course, the guys hated how protective of Lucy he was. The giant rarely left her alone unless she was comfortable with it, feeling as though he had to be the one to protect her from all the pigheaded men in the clubs they frequented. 

Sitting together at the bar, they ordered something strong just to get them started and chatted about upcoming projects they were working on. He laughed at something Lucy said and as he turned his head he saw someone that caught his attention. Gwilym watched the two college students from the bar, smiling into his glass seeing the ginger pull out every move he could think of and watching the darker boy laugh next to him. The taller man was sure he had never seen the two before, which was strange because he was sure he knew everyone here down to the stage crew who had been on set. At this point he realized he must have been staring far too long to be deemed appropriate. His co-star yelled something over the music and he felt her slip out from next to him and off to the dance floor. He let her go, only taking his eyes off the pair to make sure Lucy was ok. 

He smiled seeing she had found a decent looking guy to dance with, but made a mental note to keep a watch on the two just in case. Looking back to the ginger with a longing sigh he drank the last of whatever was in his glass and set it down after smiling politely at the bartender who had been eyeing him up all night. Gwilym hadn't planned on taking anyone back, but he could make an exception for the ginger. Slowly, he made his way through the crowd towards the boy and his equally lovely friend. It was easy for someone of his stature to maneuver through the crowd of drunks and high off their rocker people. What Gwilym wasn't expecting was for Joe to short circuit after turning around to find the much taller man behind him once he had placed a friendly hand on his shoulder to get the shorter mans attention. 

Rami took the reigns from there, trying to dig his friend out of the hole of embarrassment he had found him digging himself. "Hello there stranger. I'm Rami and this here," he pointed to himself then Joe, "is my lovely friend Joe. Joe say hello to the gentle giant and make sure to use your big voice or he might not hear you from up there." Rami quipped and looked to Gwilym to make sure he knew he was joking and meant no malice towards the much taller man. The man only chuckled, his laugh just as warm as his smile.

Joe almost choked Rami, like, full on Homer Simpson'd the oxygen out of the young boy's lungs. In that spilt second he thought of all the positives to killing his 'supposed' best friend. Then again, he had enough to worry about and he wasn't really into the thought of eating mushy prison food. 

"Nice to meet you, ah..." he leaned in to make sure the brunette, now that Joe could see the the man more clearly with his face a now decent distance away, could hear him clearly. The ginger took it back he would just kill himself to rid him of the embarrassment of this encounter. His voice was a squeak even when he thought he had full control over it. 

"Gwilym Lee, nice to meet you Joe." Gwilym greeted then looked between Rami, Joe, and the direction he had just come from. "Would you allow me to buy you a drink?" Why did this beautiful person want to buy him a drink... was this a prank? Did Rami set him up on one of those hidden camera shows, and if so where were the cameras so he could kill the darker skinned boy without witnesses. The boy in question looked between the two before sighing loudly and pushing Joe towards Gwilym. 

"He would love to." No, Joe wouldn't change his mind this time. He was going to smother Rami in his sleep and laugh as he did it. The younger man had pushed poor Joe straight into the gentle giants chests, Gwilym wrapping his arms around him to make sure they didn't fall and helping them balance themselves. 

'Fuck he even smells good. Damnit!' 

Before he could turn around so he could test the eye laser theory on the boy who was suppose to be his friend, Rami had already disappeared into the crowd, being swallowed up by the people around them. Joe's head darted around the room, annoyance etched into his features as he tried to spot his victim. 

"You don't have to if you don't want to, I just figured it wouldn't hurt to ask." Ok, this man really needed to just, not speak. That accent did things to him, things he would not admit to. Joe looked back at Gwilym who wore a sheepish look, the hand that once had been rested on his shoulder was now resting at the man's side. It wasn't his fault he was beautiful and Joe couldn't fathom why he wanted to waste his night with him. The ginger man felt bad, he knew it must have put Gwilym off that they had barely spoken and Rami had been the one to accept the offer extended to Joe.

"No, no, uh lead the way." Joe answered quickly then added, "oh great skyscraper." He ticked off in the win column when he saw that beautiful smile return to the brunette's face. 

They shimmied through the crowds of people, Gwilym easily being able to part the sea and seamlessly get them back to the bar. Said bar was less crowded than it had originally been when Joe had been chugging down shots like nothing. The pair sat together on the barstools, furtherest away from the drunk grinding as they could get. Their knees were pressed together with the effort they went through to turn and face each other. Joe, never being this nervous before, hoped he didn't look like a complete fool playing with the ring his parents had bought as a graduation gift. Sweaty palms were rubbed against old jeans that had clearly seen better days. 

A hand on his finally got him to look up to find the man with a sympathetic look. Damn he made that look sexy too. "Joe, I'm really glad you're letting me buy you a drink. I'm gonna be honest," Gwil started, "you are probably the best looking person in this room. So, don't be nervous and if you want I'll help you find Rami and then I'll leave you be." 

Joe wasn't drunk enough for this shit. "No, it's not that. To be honest with you Gwilym, I haven't done this in awhile and I'm just surprised someone who looks like," he gestured to the actor, "well like you, would even pay me any attention." The bartender passed them whatever Gwilym had ordered and Joe gulped that down too before he went on. "Let's just start over, yeah?" 

"Ok then," Gwilym was beyond amused at this point. He could get used to having the ginger around. "Gwilym Lee, but you can call me Gwil." He offered his hand for Joe to take, and Jesus his hands were soft.

Joe shook the extended hand, "Joseph Mazzello but, please just Joe." The taller man shook his hand and the ginger could see the other holding back a quip of his own. "And no, Rami beat you too it. I will not respond to Mozzarella so don't even try it." 

The two shared a laugh and that seemed to completely clear the once strained air around them. And just like that they fell into a comfortable conversation about whatever the other could come up with. They talked about Gwilym and Joe made a 'scouts promise' to watch all the films the giant had appeared in even when the man told him how unnecessary that was. Joe, after a few glasses of, well, whatever the hell the bartender kept serving them, opened up a bit about college and the shit show that was. 

Gwil sympathized with Joe, remember and recounting all the bullshit papers Ben had distracted him from writing and all the times he found himself curled up in bed, trying to find a reason to get out pull himself from under the covers and drag himself to class. He remember how he had wanted to give up more than once, but thank god for sweet sweet Benny. That boy had kept him going, reminding him of his dream and teasingly threatening him an ass kicking if he found out one day the boy had gone back to his hometown. 

Joe nearly fell out of his seat when he turned his head and saw the little shit of a best friend was dancing with a beautiful blonde, smiles stretched wide over their faces. It wasn't anything you wouldn't see at a middle school dance, Rami acting like a beta male trying to woo his target. It seemed to be working because Lucy threw her head back laughing and took the short boy's hand to dance fully with him. 

"That bastard,” Joe mumbled and that got Gwil's attention. When he turned his head, the softest smile played on his lips. Lucy looked, so happy. It made his heart swell to know she would be in good hands tonight. 

"Would it be too forward to ask you to come back to my room tonight?" His luck had run out. Poor Joe had his mouth full when Gwilym had asked and the vodka that was originally suppose to be burning down his throat, was now being worn by the man standing in front of him. Shit. Shit. Shit. 

The New Yorker yanked the giant from his perch on the barstool and ran straight for the exit, praying the man hadn't seen them but with the jolly green giant clunking behind him he doubted that. 

"Hey, punk! Get back here!" Nope. His luck had definitely run out by now. Joe made a mental note to text Rami and let him know where he was once he got to, well, wherever they would end up. 

They didn't make it far, out of shape, out of breath, and drunk at this point. When the pair did finally stop they took one look at each other and couldn't stop the laughter that bubbles up inside. 

"Jesus Joe, that guy was twice your size." Gwil breathed through his laughter, "he could.. he could have crushed you like a grape." 

"It was your fault! You should know better than to surprise a man with his mouth full." The suggestive comment didn't get past either man and that sent them into another fit of giggles. Gwilym got them a driver once they collected themselves, making sure to shoot Lucy a text not to wait up for him. When they finally made it back to the room they both fell silent. 

'Ok Joe. You may be drunk but you should know better than to come back to hotels with good looking strangers. No matter how badly you want to plant yourself on his-' 

"Make yourself at home," the black jacket the man had been wearing was tossed around the room without a care, "I've got all the junk food your heart may desire and I'm sure we can find something half decent to watch." 

'Netflix and chill. Wait.. was that still even a thing?' Joe slowly toed off his shoes and made his way through the presidential suit, taking in all the expensive things thrown around the room and the pile of chip bags hanging out on the kitchenette's table. The taller man slid his feet out of his shoes and put them aside, sitting on the bed and grabbing the tv remote to see what was on. 

The ginger made his way to the bed, sitting on the opposite side stiffly falling back against the pillows. He wasn't sure how ready for this he was. Joe was certainly drunk enough for a quick lay, but he also felt a connection to the man. What if he screwed this up and ruined a pretty amazing friendship they seemed to have been building throughout the night?

"How's 'The Office' sound? I heard the American version is suppose to be pretty funny." 

"Sounds good to me," Joe shrugged and started to relax again, watching whatever episode was playing on the decent for a hotel tv. Gwilym got comfortable next to him, his arms thrown behind his head and one leg crossed over the other. 

The two laid like that in comfortable silence for awhile, Joe loving the warmth radiating from the man next to him. Neither of them made a move and this confused Joe. Hadn't he invited him back to the hotel just to get laid? The curiosity ate away at the smaller man until he decided he would be the one to make the first move by the middle of the second episode.

He started by sliding his hand into Gwilym's seeing how the man would react. The ginger wasn't surprised when he felt the other curl their fingers around his hand. That gave Joe the confidence he needed, that or the alcohol was finally settling and his brain had become to foggy to care. 

Joe turned his head, waiting for the other man to look up at him before crashing their lips together. He straddled the older man's lap, his palms against the plush pillows and felt arms slowly snakes around his waist. There was no fighting for dominance, no heat, just the two of them in their own space. 

Joe was the first to slowly pull away, giving Gwilym a confused look. 

"Did you feel that too?" A smile crept between both of them. Laughter erupted and Joe rolled back to his original position with a sigh. "That was..."

"Like kissing my sister." Gwilym finished. There was more laughter and once they calmed down, their eyes back on the screen. "So, I'm thinking.." 

"Friends?" 

"Yeah, definitely friends." The taller man breathed. "Need to keep you around to cockblock me some more, mate." He could definitely get used to having the ginger around keeping him on his toes. 

'Benny would love him.'

Joe woke up first the next morning, not realizing he had fallen asleep, to an insistent buzzing from the mattress below him. 'Since when do mattresses buzz. The fuck?' And then, without warning, 'Another One Bites The Dust' blared from below him sending him into a near heart attack. Poor Gwil had sat up so quickly he ended up toppling over onto the not so comfortable floor below him and the impending hangover looming over him. 

"You gonna answer that?" Gwilym mumbled from the floor, pinching the bridge of his nose and clenching his eyes shut. Joe rolled over, head still resting on the far to comfortable pillow, sliding his hands over the cotton sheets until his fingers brushed his phone. He pulled the blaring device just in time to see that it was Rami, before the ringing stopped altogether. The younger man sighed loudly, feeling everything he had drank last night fighting to greet him again. Then, as if the gods were enjoying his torture, his phone rang once more resulting in another loud groan from the floor.

"Sod off, Mate." Gwilym grunted, peeling himself off the floor and walking to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

"Rami, I swear to fucking god I will-" 

"Joesph Mazzello, I have been worried sick about you young man! I almost filed a missing person report... but the officers told me you had to wait a minimum of twenty four FUCKING hours before they could accept it. What the fuck kind of bullshit is that anyway?!" Rami was ranting and Joe would have smiled, knowing the boy cared so much about him. His hangover absolutely crushed any feeling of endearment he was having, replacing it with nausea. 

"Rami, would you listen for just a second!" He grumbled into the phone, hoping his friend would take pity on him. No such luck.

"I turn my head towards the bar to see if you and that hot English dude are still there and you. are. GONE. Do you know how scared I was? I mean you could have at least messaged me! Was his dick really that good that you forgot to-" 

"I get it! I'm sorry. Can we please have this conversation when I'm not about to vomit my brains out?" Joe could hear the boy on the other side sigh heavily into the receiver before agreeing to let it go... on one condition.

"Ok, but, WAS his dick good. Like on a scale of one to pornstar..."

"I'm hanging up." Joe deadpanned before he hung up, leaving a pleading Rami behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you weren’t expecting that. I just couldn’t see those two sleeping together. But anyway I hope you enjoy and I promise Ben is going to be making a comeback soon.  
> Comments are welcomed, I eat that shit up. Also sorry these last two have been so dialogue heavy. If you guys don’t like it let me know and i’ll see what I can do.


	4. The Stress Is Killing Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this one and it isn’t too much dialogue or anything for you! We do get a tiny glimpse of Benny but not much. I promise he’s coming back next chapter! This one was just getting wayyyy to long and I didn’t want to drag it out too much. Let me know how you like it, comments make me hard...

Joe nearly did a spit take, looking over at Rami's bed from across their small dorm room to make sure he didn't wake the boy up. He had to cover his coughing in his blanket, his water had been long forgotten on the floor by this point. "Are you insane," a hushed yell erupted from the ginger once he managed to settle his coughing, "There's no way I could... are you sick or something?" 

Gwilym's chuckle tumbled through his headphones and into his brain, jumbling his thoughts further. They had been having a nice Skype call, this being the only way they could talk being as they were so far away from each other, when Joe had excitedly reminded Gwilym of the globe he had been nominated for. 

"No I'm not sick you wanker," Gwilym laughed once more. "Listen, my agent says I have to take someone for my public imagine and I would rather not have to go with some bird who will just be hanging off of me all night. You know I wouldn't ask if I didn't think you'd have fun Joe." He finished with a sigh. 

Joe couldn't think of one good thing that could come out from him going to the Golden Globes. He had work he couldn't just ask to take off he had bills to pay that certainly weren't waiting for him. Plus he didn't have anything nice to wear and he certainly wouldn't be able to handle paparazzi. 

"Gwil, haven't you ever seen Aladdin? I'm a street rat compared to those people." The shorter man tried to keep his voice low, knowing Rami had stayed up late going over his lines for a performance he would have to give for class tomorrow, not wanting to wake his poor roommate. 

"Joe, please just think it over. It would really be nice to see you again after so long." Gwilym sighed. He knew convincing Joe to go would be a bit of a challenge, but nothing like this. He wouldn't push, knowing if Joe really didn't want to go he wouldn't pressure him. "Look I gotta go. My agent is calling. I'll hold her off on finding me a plus one until you gave me your definite answer."

"Of course, man." 

"And please... just think about it." 

After saying their respective goodbyes, Joe closed his laptop and slowly laid it down on the floor next to his bed. Could he really go to such a big event? He had so many other things to worry about and the money he did have he couldn't spend on finding a decent suit. The ginger laid back against his pillows, turning over to face the dreary brick walls of the room. There was no harm in thinking about it and that might make Gwilym feel better when he turns him down the next time they talk. 

Ben wasn't fairing much better, rolling his eyes at the women his agent was trying to set him up with. Why the bloody hell did he NEED a plus one? He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and willing his headache to go away. The few friends he did have had either found their own way to the Golden Globes or were already invited by the event itself. It would have been so much easier if he could have just invited Lucy as his plus one, leaving Gwilym to find his own fucking date. And who was he planning on bringing anyway? He seemed less than worried about his 'plus one' situation and it pissed Ben off. 

"Lucky bastard, hope she can get Lucy's seal of approval." Ben muttered to himself, ignoring the annoyed look from his agent. It wasn't his fault he was far from being interested in this plus one bullshit. But, he knew for his public image he would have to take someone with him. No matter how much he hated the thought of some brainless bird hanging off his arm, far too much perfume making Ben want to throw up all over the red carpet. 

"Just pick whoever, you know I'm not interested." Ben sighed, leaning further back into the armchair until his neck hit the back of it. Why should he even bother trying to find someone at this point, there wasn't anyone worth the trouble. 

Joe was distracted this week. More distracted than he usually was which was impressive. He almost flunked his psychics test, he broke three mugs in the course of three hours, and while walking back to his dorm the poor boy had tripped over his own feet and almost busted his face against the concrete. This just wasn't his week.

The sweet cafe owner sighed again, watching Joe mindlessly handle another drink and having the whole thing almost spill on him, again. She couldn't figure out what had the boy's brain so distracted but it surely was costing her a lot of turmoil, financial wise. Setting her own mug down carefully on the round table she was sat at, she silently made her way over to him and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

Joe's poor heart couldn't handle that. He nearly had a heart attack, spilling another hot drink all down the front of his apron. "Damn it," he hissed. Apologizes were flying from between his lips before he turned to see she was only giving him a kind smile. 

"I'll take over from here dear. Go sit and relax for a little bit." The much older women spoke softly in a way that would let Joe know she wasn't angry with him. The ginger was thankful for the sweet lady, giving her a small smile before going off to replace his apron and take a seat in the practically empty cafe. 

The ginger felt terrible, him being distracted had cost her so much and he hated to be any kind of trouble. His head fell to the edge of the table, leaving it there while a long groan left his lips. This was all Gwilym's fault. Who makes an offer like that and then goes 'oh don't worry though if you don't take it my agent will set me up with some bird I don't know and I'll probably have a shitty time. But don't worry it won't be your fault.' Damn that gentle giant. Why the hell did he have to be so nice? He couldn't possibly say no after realizing Gwilym would rather go with his dorky self than some shaggable girl. 

Joe lifted his head up and dropped it back to the table's edge, wanting to forget the kicked puppy look the brunette had given him before hanging up the other night. He lifted his head again, ready for impending impact when he was stopped by a wrinkled hand on his forehead.

"Joseph, why on earth are you trying to spilt your head open on my poor table?" The older women's voice held amusement but her eyes were laced with worry. She rubbed circles into the reddening skin before taking a seat in front of him. "What on earth is wrong dear? You know you can talk to me." 

His hands ran through his tangled locks, taking a deep breath before slowly sitting back to look at her properly. "Well..." Joe started off slowly, his fingers tangled in each other. "I got an offer." The young man sighed again, he was being so stupid. "I got an offer from a friend of mine to go to this event, the Golden Globes and-" 

"Did you say the Golden Globes?" She looked at him, shocked. "That's amazing. You'll have a great time I'm sure and don't worry about work I'll find someone to cover your shift for you." 

"I don't think I'm gonna go.." Joe mumbled. 

"What did you-" 

"I can't go, ok? I don't have the money for a nice suit and I need to work as much as I can or else I might not be able to stay next semester." 

The two sat in silence for longer than he was comfortable with. Joe hated to admit to his financial situation, never wanting pity from anyone. He hadn't even been able to break the news to Rami yet, the ginger knew his friend would be absolutely devastated. The olden woman said nothing, not wanting to make the boy feel worse. Her wrinkled hand slid over the back of his and she rubbed smooth circles into the skin before pulling away with a soft smile. 

"You've has a long week dear. Why don't you go on back to your dorm and I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" Joe couldn't find his voice, not with how horrible he was feeling. Not only was he feeling down about the whole Golden Globe situation, but he had raised his voice at someone who had only ever helped me. She didn't deserve that. She hadn't done anything wrong, just wanted to try and help him out. God he felt like a dick right now. The ginger gave her a weak smile, mumbling a "thank you. have a good night," to the cafe owner, grabbing his bag, and leaving the mostly empty shop. 

When he made it back to his dorm he's bag slid from his shoulder and plopped to the floor, his feet dragging on the old carpet. The poor boy felt like the actual embodiment of death. He had just settled into bed, well , more like threw himself down on his mattress, when Rami slammed the door open with a twenty-four karat watt smile. 

"Guess who's going to the Golden Globes!" The younger boy squealed, excited beyond his imagination. Joe was really not in the mood for this right now, groaning at even the mention of the award show. Rami always seemed to pick the worst times to be in a good mood nowadays. The ginger had just barely covered his face with a pillow when his friend, he felt after these past few months he may have to start using a looser term, decided to throw himself on Joe's bed and bounce until he got said boy's attention. 

"Come on, Joe. Can't you at least pretend to be happy for me?" Another groan emitted from the pillow and the dark skinned boy rolled his eyes. "Well fine, Lucy and I are gonna have a great time at the Golden Globes while you're here moping." 

Lucy and Rami had gotten close the same night Joe had gone back to the hotel with Gwilym. Rami, being the more outgoing of the two, had approached the beautiful blonde when he noticed she seemed to be increasingly uncomfortable with the man she was dancing with. He could see her glance away as if she was looking for someone before she would nervously smile at the much taller man and stiffen her body when his hands would wander. Rami, also being a gentle, saw how uncomfortable the poor girl was and set off to get the creep away from her. 

The dark skinned boy approached the two, tapping an already stiffened shoulder as lightly as he could as not to scare her. The guy she had been dancing with glared at Rami while Lucy turned to look at him, smiling politely.

"Mind if I cut in?" Rami asked politely, hoping she'd get the hint and take it. 

"Yeah, actually, we w-" 

Lucy cut him off, feeling confident enough to speak up with someone to finally back her up. "Actually, no, I don't mind." She gave the man a forced smile and let Rami whisk her away like some knight in shinning armor. She thanked him for rescuing him from the jerk she had been dancing with and Rami told her he would do it a thousand more times to see her smile at him like that again. 

They were smitten. They were smitten and it was so cute. When they danced it was like everyone else wasn't there, Rami busting out all the goofy moves he could think of to make her laugh. And when she did he couldn't help smiling, her laugh the most angelic thing he had ever heard. Then, when Rami went into complete panic mood when a certain someone disappeared, Lucy had been able to fill his frantic heart with relief. 

"Don't worry," she had said with a smile, "He's in good hands. Gwilym will make sure nothing happens to him." And just like that he trusted her, checking his phone just in case any texts came through from Joe, but other than that he didn't worry about the ginger too much. 

With a sigh, Rami leaned his back against the brick wall Joe's bed was resting against and slowly moved the older boy into his lap. They didn't say anything, laying there in comfortable silence while the younger of the two stroked Joe's hair. He could hear the soft whimpering of a cry coming from beneath the pillow, but Rami never said a word. Rami knew Joe would open up when he was ready and so he didn't pressure him, just let him cry out all the stress from the past week. 

The ginger felt like garbage. Not only was he crying like a big baby over nothing, but he was sobbing in front of Rami who was just ecstatic seconds prior. Joe never wanted to bring the boy's mood down but the week for him had been one of the most stressful weeks in awhile. The week of his leaving New York and his family behind who told him not to bother coming back or calling unless he came back crawling on his knees and pleading for forgiveness came to mind. As if, he could do this without them. Or so he thought at first, now, he wasn't so sure. 

"Ram..." the voice was so small and the sniff that followed it actually shattered Rami's heart into little bite sized pieces. His fingers still carded through his ginger locks, almost as if he was trying to gently extract the stress right from his scalp with his own hands. "Rami."

"I'm here Joe, what's the matter?" The darker skinned boy asked, his voice soft too afraid of scaring the other away if he were too loud. 

"I'm sorry... I really am happy for you and Luce." He sounded like a child, the guilt dripping from each word. "I hope you guys have fun... I-I can't wait to see the pictures you guys take. I know you guys will look great together." 

Rami removed the pillow as delicately as possible, sliding it out of the way. Joe's eyes were swollen and red from crying and the tear streaks were as noticeable as the fake smile the boy quickly plastered to his face for his friend. "Come here, Joey." Quickly gathering the older boy into his arms, he let Rami squeeze his as tightly as he wanted. The sound of the boy choking on tears again had the younger of the two rubbing imaginary circles into his back and holding him close with his fingers tangled in short ginger locks. They sat like that, Joe holding onto Rami for dear life and sobbing into the crook of his neck, Rami rocking them slowly as not to disturb the other. 

When Joe's sobs slowed, he pulled away and wiped at his teary eyes. He laughed as he did it, looking at Rami through blurred vision. "I'm the oldest acting like a little kid." And the younger boy laughed along with him, glad the other was feeling even a little better. 

"You got your snot all over my favorite shirt," Rami laughed and Joe smacked his arm weakly. Once their laughter died, they sat in comfortable silence once more. The younger boy broke the silence first, "are you gonna tell me what's been bothering you now or am I going to have to wait for you to have another breakdown?" 

Joe sighed, "it's just... I've been so stressed lately with work and school and now the Golden Globes thing. I don't have the money to do this, Ram. I-" he choked, "I might not be able to stay here much longer and that scares me so much." Joe had to collect himself. "I want this so bad and I've worked so damn hard for it and now, because my parents are assholes and would rather me have a 'normal job' then do something I love, they refuse to help me." He sighed, "and you know I'm not saying this because I want pity and you know I hate asking for help. It's just hard to carry this all own my own." 

Rami collected Joe into another big hug, it was his turn to squeeze the life out of the other, while he held back his own tears at the thought of Joe leaving. He was the first person he had met on campus, the first person to accept him for who he was, and the first friend he had ever hoped to keep for as long as Joe was willing to stay. The thought of him leaving broke Rami's heart, but he knew he had to be strong for the other. 

"Joe, you don't have to do this on your own. You know I would be more than willing to help you. And yes I know you hate asking for help but I want to help you. Next time don't let everything build up like this." He breathed, hoping for more moments like this. He didn't want to let Joe go. "Let's worry about now before we worry about everything else," Rami pulled Joe back so he could see his face and noticed tears were still welling in his eyes. "I know you said you don't have the money, but let me rent a suit for you." Joe opened his mouth to say something but Rami beat him to it, "I want you to have fun Joe. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Please, let me do this for you." 

"Let me think about it." And Rami didn't push. The younger moved them so they could lay down on Joe's bed, with the older man's head rested on his chest. That morning they were almost late for physics, but Joe was more rested than he had been in weeks and he was so thankful for that. 

The following week went by smoothly compared to the last. Rami never took his eyes off Joe, watching to make sure he was ok and wouldn't let everything build up again. He was happy to see Joe's smile again, small but still there. Holding onto moments like these were more important to him now than ever, now knowing Joe may not be able to stay much longer. They didn't mention that fact again, a silent agreement they would talk about it when the time came to. 

Work for Joe went by smoothly as well, but he did notice the sweet older women watching Joe. She was just as worried about her favorite barista as Rami was and was glad to see him almost back to his old self. Wrinkled fingers twisted the ring resting on her ring finger, a soft, almost sad, smile playing on her lips. A decision was made then, while watching Joe take care of one of the customers at the counter. His eyes crinkled in a gentle smile and his lips turning up. It was a big decision, she knew, but something she wanted to do for the poor boy. 

A few days after she found herself playing with her wedding ring more often than not these days was the same day she decided to bring everything up. It was another crazy busy day in the cafe, when everyone was rushing to finish papers and study up for a test that weren't ready for. Joe had been walking towards the back after his shift was over, when he heard the older women call for him. When he approached he saw her strangling to carry a large box and immediately rushed over to help. 

"Thank you, would you mind bringing it upstairs for me?" The older women asked. Joe knew she lived right above the cafe, but had never been there himself. As not to be rude he just nodded and started up the stairs, noticing the door had been left open. "Just set it down on the floor over there by the table dear, thank you." She called from the bottom of the stairs. He did as he was told and then waited for her to make it up the stairs and settle into the old apartment.

It was homey, having a sort of fall cabin feel to it, flares of dark oranges and browns showered most of the rooms Joe could see, but he kept towards the lounge not wanting to intrude. 

"I'll go make you a cup of tea." 

"Oh, that's not necessary my roommate is actually-"

"Nonsense, now sit. I'll be right back." He watched her shuffle towards what he assumed was the kitchen and sat in one of the old wooden chairs, taking in his surroundings. There were pictures littered around the room hanging from the walls. Pictures of a young couple that looked like they may burst if they were any happier. A few of them with a baby were seen and then a young boy who aged throughout the room. He stopped when he saw a large picture of a young man no younger than him, above that read 'In loving memory of Michael Fisher. May he live on in our memory' in cursive. Joe looked away, feeling as though he was intruding by just looking at the picture. 

"Here you go lovey," she sat down at the end of the table nearest to him and set a baby blue mug down in front of him. Joe said his thanks, sipping awkwardly on the too black coffee. The taste too bitter for him but, he never mentioned it.

They fell into an awkward silence, her staring at the box while unintentionally playing with her ring, Joe having no idea what to say before the older women spoke with nerves in her voice.

"Joe, I want to show you something." She started and slowly opened the box with careful fingers. Inside were pictures of what looked like the man from the couple and a piece of fabric at the very bottom. "This was my husband." The picture she held showed a picture of a smiling man with short, crew cut hair and a wide smile adoring his face. He was wearing an army uniform in the picture, the photo in all black and white. "He had fought during the Vietnam war. Said it was the most devastating thing he'd ever seen." 

"That's amazing, he must have been one hell of a guy." Joe said, looking more closely at the picture. "Handsome too." She laughed.

"He was surprised to see I'd waited for him to come home. We had met before he left at a get together with some friends. I wrote him letters all the time, wondering if he ever got them" Joe nodded, showing her he was paying attention. He could see the sad smile etched into her features. The box was emptied of picture upon picture, some of just him and more of the two together. They had made a lovely couple and you could see they had truly loved each other.

"After he came back, he was a little different than when we first met but was still the man I fell in love with. He even showed me a shoebox he kept of all the letters I had written. That was the thing that always kept him going when he felt like giving him he had told me." Her hand ran over one of the photographs before handing it to him. This time the man was standing behind her, hands placed on her growing belly. The two were glowing and it was beautiful. "When I fell pregnant I had to put my dreams on hold, which, I didn't mind one bit and he had buckled down working to support us. Our parents supplied no help and shunned us for having a baby out of wedlock." Joe carefully placed the picture down. Taking another one she handed it to him. It was a picture of the baby he had seen in the other photos. 

"We cared for our boy best we could. Even though we struggled we made sure he had everything he needed and did everything he wanted." She handed me another picture of him playing what looked like soccer on a big field. "He fell ill. We fought for him and tried every doctor we could, but he just wouldn't get better." The older women gave him one last picture, this one for her was harder to give up. It was a picture of the young man he had seen hanging for the wall. The edges of the photograph were worn and old, being worn down from the oils in finger tips that had gripped the delicate paper as tight as they could. Trying to hold onto the boy in the picture. "Then a few weeks later my husband had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and was shot down trying to protect someone. After that I gave up on my dreams completely, deciding to get by doing little jobs before opening this cute little cafe." 

Joe couldn't help the heartache he felt for the women, wanting to pull her into a big hug and tell her it was alright. When he looked up from the picture she had tears trailing down her aged cheeks. "Joe, I'm telling you this because... well I want you to have this." Her fingers wrapped around fabric holding it up for him to see. It was a suit, a nice black suit with a beautiful rose pin attached and a red tie to match said pin. It still looked brand new, clean and stain free. It was beautiful. His mouth dried, his fingers shaking, a lump formed in the back of his throat.

"I couldn't possibly." The ginger choked, his voice so small he was afraid she wouldn't hear. 

"Please, I want you to have it. These past few years you have become like a son to me and I'm so thankful for that. And I want this old thing to get a night out anyway." They both laughed through their falling tears. Joe held the suit as delicately as possibly, his breathing hitched at how much better it looked up close. 

"I don't know how I could ever thank you." 

"I'm not done." A piece of paper was pulled out of the pocket of her knee high skirt and Joe couldn't help the gross sob that left from between his lips. A check. It was a check for twenty thousand fucking dollars. Joe lost it. The older women wrapped him up in her arms, shushing him. When she heard his breathing coming short she told him to follow her breathing, helping him breathe again before rocking him back into her arms. "Joey, I would love to be able to do more for you. So, if you ever need anything please just ask. I never want to see you give up on your dreams like I did." 

"Thank you. Thank you so much," he bit back another sob. "I don't even know what to say. How can I ever repay you for all of this?" His eyes were filled with gratitude and that's more than she could have ever asked for. 

"I want you to buckle down and get through these semesters." She said in a stern voice, then a smiled crept onto her tear stained face. "And I want you to have some fun. Starting with the Golden Globes, young man." 

He hugged her, thanked her more than she thought was necessary, and laid the suit out while pocketing the check. Once Joe was done giving her as tight of a squeeze as her old bones would let him, he walked back to his dorm, suit in hand.


	5. I Can Feel You Watching Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this one. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get this out since I’m sick but luckily I’ve got all the time in the world just lounging around resting lol. Please let me know if you like it and comments/feedback are welcomed here. I eat that shit up.

Ben was livid. The woman his assistant had stuck him with wasn't just a literal octopus, oh no it's much worse. She had the whiniest bloody voice he had ever heard in his entire life. He couldn't go five feet away without her crying about him leaving her and she had sprayed so much perfume that he felt like he was choking being around her. So, after arriving at the Golden Globes together, struggling to smile for the cameras when all he could hear next to him was her whining about them getting her good side, he made a mental note to kill Gwilym and his stupid date. 

''You don't have a bloody good side.' Ben thought bitterly. She didn't even have a personality to redeem herself. This would be the last time he left a decision like this up to his evil assistant. The blonde swears she's the devil sometimes, and he wouldn't be surprised if she was. 

Gwilym and the rest of the gang weren't fairing much better. Joe had had about five panic attacks in front of their dorm mirror, messing with his hair every which way before giving up. The woman from the cafe had come over and fixed the defeated Joe's hair for him, Rami getting himself ready all the awhile. 

They had decided to meet their 'dates', Joe's wasn't really a date but he was certain Lucy had asked his friend as one. Those two were going to be the end of Joe's poor heart. The originally plan was to get ready at their dorm, leave early and be dropped off at the hotel the two were staying at via Uber. Neither wanting to show up in their broken down and beat up cars, not that Gwil or Lucy would care. They both knew the stars didn't care much about appearance or money. Clearly showing that by going with their two friends instead of Hollywood's next top stars. 

That would have been fine and dandy except, Joe had lost a shoe and had spent twenty minutes looking for it only to turn up under his bed. Rami couldn't get his tie quite right and let the sweet older woman help him. The older woman fussed over the two boys and took as many pictures as they would allow. Letting her pose them in as many poses as she could think of, pushing the boys out the door when attempting to get her in one of the photos. 

They left late. They left so late that they both called their respective 'dates' to apologize profusely while their Uber driver floored it through the streets of LA, via their orders. The two ended up paying their poor Uber driver extra for getting them there in a ten minute ride instead of a half hour one. Gwilym had told Ben to go on without Lucy and himself and Ben had groaned. The taller man knew he would be getting an earful about Ben's date once they were together again. 

"I'm so sorry," the two gasped at the same time. They were both crouched over in front of the hotel's main lobby. Their dates just laughed and waved them off. Gwilym let Joe take his arm after stating, 'like chicken? Take a wig' at which Joe had started to die from laughter instead of simply being out of shape. Rami on the other hand had to remember how to breathe after seeing how beautiful Lucy looked. 

The dark skinned boy was not prepared for her to look as beautiful as she did. Of course he knew she would be breathtaking, but not to this extreme. She was wearing all gold, her dress the color of the Globes that were to be handed out tonight. A tasteful slit was cut into her dress but it didn't make the garment look slutty in anyway, just added to the overall look. The dress was tight enough to show off her natural curves but leave you with a running imagination. It was cut low in a v and had long sleeves attached, gold heels putting the look together. 

It took him more than a few seconds to catch his breath and realize he was starring, mouth agape. "You look..." there aren't any words, he wanted to say but settled on, "breathtaking." Her smile was wide, showing her teeth. 

"You don't look too bad yourself, Rami." Lucy answered back, taking his arm and letting him lead them to the limousine that would be taking the group to the event. The whole ride was filled with constant laughter, friendly jabs between Rami and Joe, and lots of pictures. Joe wanted to remember this moment forever, being with friends without a care in the world. 

He would never admit it in front of his friends but he was absolutely terrified at the thought of a ton of people watching him, being filmed constantly on phones and large cameras and, of course, paparazzi who would pose him in every which way possible until he was allowed to politely excuse himself. 

The ginger realized he must have given his nervous away because he felt a large hand on his knee and when he looked up Gwil was giving him a reassuring smile. Joe turned to see if the other two noticed but they were too caught up making heart eyes at each other to care much about anything else. "You'll be fine," the tall man said, "just follow my lead and make sure you smile big. They'll love you, Joe." 

Ben loathed Gwil and the bloody bird who had kept them from all riding together to the event. While pretending to listen to his date go on about what name brand bullshit she liked, he was silently planning on how to murder the wanker and his bloody date while facing as little jail time as possible.  Getting rid of his date was also on the table but that was an after thought. He's almost sure if the jury met the brunette that'd let him go with his own 'get out of jail free' card. How dare his supposed best friends leave him with some bird who seemed to not know how to read social cues. The blonde had honestly thought of just hiding in the bathroom, but he was too afraid Anna, his date, would follow him all the way there and stand outside till he came out. No hiding from a girl who had stalking down to a science. Ben made another mental note to find a new assistant once this was over. 

"Ok, Joe, this is it," The gentle giant started, "you are gonna do great I know it. Just be yourself." 

"Shouldn't I be telling you that?" 

"Oh sod off!" They laughed as Gwilym slowly slide out of the limousine and onto the road leading to the red carpet. Joe was next and he took a deep breath before putting on his best smile, smoothing out his suit, and sliding out of the open door. Lucy and Rami followed, hand in hand, smiling like a couple of dorks. 

The crowd of people screamed out the names of the two stars who smiled politely and waved. They got close enough to sign as many photographs and books as well as take as many selfies with their fans as possible. Joe and Rami following the pair close behind, not wanting to follow too far behind. Paparazzi crowed as close as they could get, the flash from the cameras blinding to Joe but he just pushed that aside and smiled all the while. Rami and Lucy fell quickly in couple's poses, pulling them off like it was nothing. If Joe didn't know any better he would think the two had known each other their whole lives. Soulmates really, and he'd believe that. 

Joe poses awkwardly with Gwilym, not quite sure where to place his arms and if he should be showing teeth or not. The gentle giant quickly worked up out of his awkwardness by sliding an arm around his neck and pulling him in, smiling wide. He couldn't help but relax and slide his own arm around Gwilym's waist, forgetting all about his anxious 'teeth or no teeth' debate. 

When the paparazzi finally allowed the to go inside the pairs were lucky enough to be able to sit together seeing as Lucy and Gwilym had filmed the same movie together. He shot Ben a quick message letting him know they had finally made it. What he wasn't expecting was to see the blonde angrily walking towards them date in tow, seeing as how everyone else was mingling before the event itself started, his eyes sharp.

"Gwilym you wanker," he grumbled, "how could you leave me all alone." The blonde boy pointed an accusing finger at Gwilym, poking his chest. A huff from next to the caught their attention, Ben's date crossed her arms over her chest, looking annoyed. Choosing to ignore her for the moment made her mope that much more, neither cared much. 

"Sorry Mate, our dates had a little mishap." Joe, who was currently debating whether the older spider man movies were better than the newer ones, turned his head at the mention of 'dates'. When he did, a creeping laugh still on his lips from Rami's previous comment, he almost choked on air. Standing there, angrily poking Gwilym's chest like a wife who was scolding their husband, was a beautiful blonde with the bluest eyes he had ever seen dressed to the nines for the event. 

'Fuuuuuck.' He stared. He knew he was staring. The ginger couldn't help it, mapping out the wrinkles in his forehead from frowning and the delicious curve of his lips as he spoke. Joe noticed how smile lines etched into the older man's face and the way his adam's apple bobbed when he talked. If he thought Gwilym was beautiful he had no way of describing what the blonde stranger was. Angelic maybe? All he knew was he wasn't sure if his heart was going to burst out of his chest from looking at him or if he was really going to pop a boner, right here, in a crowed, televised place. 

"Sorry isn't going to cut it this time, Gwil." Ben leaned in closer to avoid his date hearing, "I've been stuck with the whiniest girl I have ever met." The blonde pulled away. "And what possibly could have happened? The bird took too long doing her makeup or something?" 

"Actually, Joe and Rami were just running a bit late." Ben rose his eyebrows. Gwilym may be curious, or bi, or whatever they both didn't like labels but he was sure as hell the giant had never been out with another man as a date. And he was sure he had only ever heard about a Joe once or twice when Gwilym and him had been together. Remembering a little story the older man had told him about his first meeting with his newfound friend, Joe. If this was that same Joe, he was curious to see if he was as gorgeous as Gwilym had described him or if he was actually an ugly bloke Gwil was too embarrassed to tell him that. 

So, when the blonde turned his head he was not expecting to see the most beautiful human being he had ever seen sitting right besides his idiot of a friend. His mouth dried and all he could do is stare. He was ginger, Joe was a fucking ginger and he looked so good, his hair being slicked back and he was cleanly shaven. The suit he was wearing fit him so well, leaving him to wonder what lay under the fabric. Fuck. He was not about to pop a boner right here. Both stared at each other for longer than necessary, getting lost in each other and not knowing quite what to say.

"Joe, this is our dear Benjamin. Benjamin, this is the oh so lovely Joseph who I'm sure you remember me telling you about." Gwilym was swooning. His two friends were absolutely head over heels for each other and he was living for it. The smirk in his voice was almost impossible to hide but he's sure no one noticed. His two friend were far too busy drooling over each other to hear him. 

Rami, now having turned from Lucy to see what the commotion was, was confused at the two dorks staring at each other. Looking between the two, then Lucy and then back again he realized quickly what was happening right in front of him. The dark skinned boy was loving the dumbstruck look on his friend’s face and all but elbowed him to help Joe's short circuiting brain. 

Joe cleated his throat, "nice to meet you, Ben." 

"Nice to meet you too, Joe." Sparks flew and electricity shot through the two when their hands met in a friendly handshake. Joe shivered unintentionally at the deep voice politely talking back to him. He would never admit it, but that deep rumble mixed with his accent made Joe weak at the knees. 

Before the two could get acquainted with each other, Ben was ushered back to his sit. The event was to begin. Joe had to stop himself from deflating, watching the blonde and his good-looking date walk back to their table. Watching their retreating forms until they were swallowed by the others hurrying to their seats. That deflating feeling came back when he really took notice of the women hanging off Ben’s arm. Date, that was his date and she was gorgeous. There was no way Ben would look at a street rat like him. He could always dream though. With a sigh he turned his attention to the stage and zoned out until Lucy and Gwilym’s film was called as one of the nominated films. 

They didn’t win. Joe bumped shoulders with Gwil and gave him a gentle smile. “You’ll get nominated again before you know it. And next time I’ll make sure you win, even if I have to jump one of the winner’s for there’s.” They laughed and the ginger was glad no hard feeling were felt. 

Lucy wasn’t upset, she had Rami beside her telling her jokes to keep the crushing feeling of defeat from swimming to the forefront of her mind. “Don’t worry, Luce. They may not have seen it, but you were the best damn actress out there. I’ll help them come to their senses.” And Rami proceeded to karate the air in front of him, Lucy giggling the whole time lightly pushing him with her hand. 

Ben, however, had won best actor and he couldn’t have been more proud of himself. This was something he had dreamed about his whole life, being able to stand in front of his peers, of great actors, and thank them for believing he was something special. His date wailed in glee when he won and he had to stop himself from covering his ears, choosing to walk towards the stage instead. 

Sweaty fingers wrapped around the mic after the stage was adjusted for him and he cleared his throat before speaking. His eyes scanned the room before falling on his two friends, the two who had kept him going when he thought of giving up all that time ago. 

“I have to say I can’t believe I am standing up here before you all, receiving an award I thought was only achievable in my dreams. Ever since I was a little boy I had dreamed of standing up here, before the greatest actors and actresses of my time, and being able to hold this amazing award. Thank you to all of you who saw my talent and hard work and helped me be nominated for this. Thank you to the fans, without you all I wouldn’t be able to stand here tonight and I’m so thankful for you guys. And of course thank you Gwilym Lee and Lucy Boynton, for putting up with me, cheering me on, and making sure I read my lines instead of moping around my flat. I love you guys.” Ben stepped away from the mic, gave a wave to the crowd and a big smile, before taking his award and walking off stage back to his seat. 

Lucy and Gwil intercepted him, pulling him into a big hug. “We’re so proud of you, Benny. You worked so hard for this.” Lucy kissed his cheek and Gwilym gave him a pat on the back before giving him one last tight squeeze and letting go. Anna glared at the two then focused her attention on Ben when he finally made it back to the table. She pulled him by his tie and into a kiss. Only pulling away when she was sure her lipstick would stain. Marking him for the world to know he was her’s at least till the night was over. Ben rolled his eyes and bit his tongue to hold back a groans when her arm snakes around his again. ‘Bloody space invader.’

The award show went on without anything more exciting happening, besides Joe and Rami deciding to throw gum wrappers from their gum at Gwilym who batted the wrappers away first than went after them both respectfully. Lucy laughed through the whole thing, plucking wrappers from the boys hair. When it was eventually over and all the people who didn’t win loaded into their limousine to go have their own pity party, Ben didn’t plan on hanging around and found his way to their table with a whining Anna not far behind. 

“You wankers won’t be leaving me this time.” He grumbled and his friends laughed. They were stop by paparazzi and fans multiple times, the stars took time to pose for each photographer and try their best to sign at least one thing for every fan they could reach. Selfies were taken and videos were made, but neither Joe nor Rami were bothered by this. Joe relaxed and so him and Gwil were able to do silly poses for the camera he knew he couldn’t wait to see. Rami and Lucy following suit with their own silly poses. It seemed the two were in a silent battle to see who could out do the other. 

Ben, on the other hand, was watching Joe like a hawk. Absolutely taken with the college student. Watching his two friends pose like idiots just for fun, Joe looking like he was having the time of his life and Rami like he was more in love with Lucy than just a few minutes ago if possible. The blonde would have much rather been with them instead of Anna, but there wasn’t really much of a choice for him. So, he smiled pretty and let her drag him along as he watched the ginger with his mega watt smile. ‘Is it possible to fall in love with someone this fast?’ 

They all made their way to a waiting limousine and slid inside. Anna by the window and Ben next to her, Gwilym slid in next to Ben pulling a nervous Joe with him, then Rami and Lucy who were the last to get in. The pair shimmed into the other side, Rami happy at the fact he would be able to kick Joe the whole ride. The two older boys took a million pictures together, ones with and without the Golden Globe, much to his dates irritation. To make things worse and irritate her just a little more, he took a picture with Gwilym kissing the Golden Globe, their lips not far apart. Anna looked as though she wanted to toss the giant out of the sun roof, and Ben would have paid to see her try. 

The place of celebration was a nice club at the far end of town, ironically the one the college students had met the two stars at. They all slid out of the opened door, Rami helping Lucy like the gentle man he is, and made their way into club. The group were all ready to have a little fun after such a stiff award show. “First round on me. Anything you fancy.” Gwilym offered and they all placed their drinks, sitting at the bar. Ben tried to squeeze his way in and sit next to Joe but Anna wasn’t having any of that and Rami had already taken the other side next to his friend. He didn’t mind sitting next to Lucy, but he was so far from the beautiful stranger. 

They drank their first glass, ordered another, and drowned them down too. The plan was to order another until Joe decided he had had enough of sitting around and wanted to dance. More so, he wanted to see the gentle giant stumble around the dance floor like an awkward giraffe but he wasn’t telling the brunette that. Lucy and Rami had already run off to the dance floor at this point, heart eyes the whole way there. So, when Joe took Gwilym away Ben was left with just his date again. Gwilym was so on his hit list. 

“I wanna dance. Benny can we dance. Please.” She dragged out the please, but he just rolled his eyes and shrugged her hand off his shoulder. 

He ignored her, downing another drink. Another was passed his way and his used the little stirring straw to swirl his drink around, finding Joe and his dancing much more interesting. It wasn’t until he had downed his fifth drink that he finally got up and decided to ask Joe to dance. Ben wouldn’t say he was drunk... tipsy going on drunk maybe. So, maybe talking to Joe for the first time while not drunk but almost drunk wasn’t the best decision. 

His idea had been, almost fool proof, taking Anna into the crowd near the two dancing dorks. His date didn’t really dance, grinding into the very uninterested Ben. 

The blonde turned to watch the two, chuckling at Gwilym who had decided instead of dancing he would put Joe and his dancing on his instagram story. When the brunette noticed the blonde so close he was a little surprised. Ben hadn’t been out on a dance floor in, well, forever really. Since the girl who shall not be named left. So, the taller boy stopped his recording and watched silently. Hoping the two would stop drooling over each other and do something. 

Ben pulled away from his date, ignoring her huff and tapped Joe’s shoulder trying to get his attention. Gwilym decided to get a drink and leave the two alone, excusing himself before walking off. “Mind if I cut in?” 

“Shouldn’t you be with you date?” Ok, so Joe didn’t mean it. He may or may not be still salty the blonde had a date. And he also may be feeling a little down after seeing how gorgeous the blondes date was. The ginger started to walk away, back to find Gwilym, when a hand grabbed his wrist. The grip was tight enough to hold the two only at arms length, but it wouldn’t leave any mark. 

“Don't you wanna dance with a winner?" Ben pulled the man in closer, "we can celebrate together." Shit. Ok that was an asshole thing to say. If Ben could step out of his body right now he would smack himself so hard he would have a bruise. Or maybe offing himself would be good too, saving him from the embarrassment. He just wasn’t used to people denying him. Most wanted to please him and so that’s what he had become accustomed to. 

"Actually," Joe yanked his arm away, "I would much rather dance with my date, a proud loser, than you Mr. Hardy, a prick winner." The ginger started to walk back towards Gwilym, sending a very confused look to his gaping friend, when the man stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Your date seems like her panties just soaked at the thought of dancing with you, maybe keep her company." And he walked right back to the giant who was trying to figure out why the two boys, who had been eyeing each other weren’t dancing together. Why was Joe walking towards his all pissed off? 

The ring held around his neck by a thin silver chain had never burned more of a hole in his chest than that moment. Watching the back of Joe’s retreating figure, all he could see was her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if this feels rushed to you or not. I’m honestly trying to push the story along but still give you guys those ‘Golden’ moments with the gang. Also let me know if you want more Rami and Lucy. I think they are so freaking cute together. It kills me


	6. Here To Surprise You, Babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Hope you guys like it.

Anna took Ben's hand, pulling him to her. She smiled at him, trying to get him to move his gaze from the bar where Joe had disappeared to and back on her. It worked, more or less, the blonde at least swayed while she danced around him. They stayed like that for longer than Ben realized, feeling like time had been frozen around him. 

"I'll... um," he cleared his throat, "I'll be right back. Sorry." Mumbling an apologize which she barely heard was the last time she saw Ben for the rest of the night. The room felt like it was closing around him, but that was ok. He was used to this happening.  His lungs forgetting how to pull in air. It was a comforting feeling when the world was crashing. 

Hands came up to loosen his tie, unbutton a few buttons on his shirt, and pull the necklace from around his neck. The pressure seemed to fade when the clasp was released and he could hold the ring in his palm. He let himself forget again, forget he wasn't untouchable. 

"Joe, what's wrong? Why aren't you dancing with Ben?" Joe huffed, annoyed. Sliding into the seat next to Gwilym, the boy snatched whatever the taller boy hand been drinking and knocked it back. The brunette didn't complain, taking this as a sign it was time to flag himself before he did something stupid anyway. Joe ordered another drink, hissing his order at the bartender who just rolled his eyes. 

"Ben, your asshole friend, asked to dance with me. I said no and he grabbed me and asked if I wanted to dance with a winner and 'celebrate' after. Who the fuck does he think he is." Another drink was chugged, another annoyed huff leaving from between Joe's lips. "I mean really, fuck that guy." 

Gwilym didn't know what to say at this point, still swimming through a sea of confusing. That certainly didn't sound like the Ben he knew. The boy seemed quite drunk, maybe that had been the problem. "Where is Ben anyway? I haven't seen him since you walked away..." 

"Probably dancing with his date or maybe getting into her pants. She looked more than willing anyway." Jealously was dripping from each word and Gwilym had caught every last drop of it. He would have to clear the air up with Joe once he talked to Ben. Eyes scanned the crowed floor, but his friend was nowhere in sight. He sent a quick text to Luce, hoping she'd get it, before walking around the club to find the blonde in question. 

What finally shook Ben from his spiraling thoughts was the sound of the door opening to the far right of him. His body was leaned over the sink, both hands braced on the cool surface while his face was inches from the mirror, his breath fogging the glass. 

"Ben, are you ok?"

A hand was placed on the boy in question's shoulder. The body beneath it tensed before Ben slowly turned around. "Gwil..." The brunette hadn't seen Ben so small since college when the nights dragged on and the world seemed to collapse in around them. Since the day the girl who never deserved Ben to begin with had crushed the poor boy's heart under her while she shagged another man. 

Gwilym never liked her. There was always something off about her. It was funny that she was never around, never was able to have dinner with him and Ben when they'd go out or watch a movie when Gwilym came over their flat. Once, when over their shared flat, the giant had sworn he saw another man's shirt hanging out on top of the dirty laundry basket when he walked past their tiny laundry room but had brushed it off as his imagination. If he would have known his friend had been so in love with this girl he would have show the man the offending garment and ended it all there. Gwilym thinks if he had the power to rewind time he would have. Even if it crushed his friend then, at least it wouldn't have been as hard as it was. 

"I can't believe I was such a dick out there. I mean, really. I should have just told him that bird wasn't my date just someone my assist picked for me. I just was so nervous Gwil... I haven't wanted someone like this since," he stopped and Gwilym already knew what he was going to say. 

"Listen, Joe is a simple guy Ben. He doesn't want someone to put up a front for him and act all tough. Just, go out there and be yourself." The giant gave a pat to his friend's back before turning to leave, "and I think Joe will be better for you than she ever was to you Benny. You deserve better." He grabbed the handle to the door and as he was leaving, shouted, "don't fuck this up!"

"Is Ben in there?" Anna leaned against the wall, glaring at Gwil like he had broken one of her nails. "I haven't seen him around and I know he's been hanging around you..." 

Now Gwilym was a gentlemen really. Always holding doors open, offering his jacket when the wind picked up, and never eyed up a woman like she was something to be played with and thrown away. But, beneath calm demeanor was his sarcastic comments and harsh backhanded compliments. Being around her all night, for as long or little didn't matter, had been an experience. A lot of exercise on his patience. And now, her glaring, looking at her nails like they mattered, made him bite back telling her where Ben was and instead figured leading her on a wild goose chase would be much better. Besides the two lovesick morons needed time to make up and Ben couldn't do that with some girl breathing down his neck. 

"Actually, no. You know I haven't seen him. I think he might have left for the night. Said something about not feeling good. Must be all the cheap perfume he was breathing in all night." And with that he walked away, a smirk playing on his lips. That felt good and he was sure Ben would get a kick out of the look Anna had given before he walked away. 

He found Joe sitting in the same spot at the bar, instead of drowning in alcohol he had chosen to instead stir his drink like Ben had been doing prior to their situation. "Joey," Gwilym sat down in the empty seat next to the ginger, "give Ben a chance, yeah? He's not great at this whole 'flirting' thing. Not as good as I am anyway," the ginger snorted remembering the night they had met. "I scared away the scarlet women in question too. So, he's all yours." He got up after that, letting Ben take his place next to Joe. 

Joe made it a point to turn his back to Ben, ignoring him. They sat in comfortable silence, letting the air between them be filled with the loud music and intense base. "Can I offer you a dr-"

"No thank you." 

"How about something to eat? I hear there's a nice place just a block or two away." 

"I'll pass." 

Ben sighed. Joe was being stubborn and he had no idea how he was going to get through to the man. His hand that was resting on the bar top moved to gently touch Joe's arm, hoping to get the man to at least look at him. 

"Listen, I know I really messed up. Let's start over, yeah?"

Joe thought about it. A man who believed strongly in second chances. And maybe the blonde didn't deserve the cold shoulder, he didn't exactly do anything wrong. Maybe Joe's jealousy had played a part in his outburst... ok a big part but he wouldn't admit to that. So, with a sigh he turned to face Ben, their knees bumping against each other. Chalking this up as a win in his book, Ben smiled wide and outstretched his hand. 

"Ben Hardy, actor full time asshole part time." He nearly fist bumped the air like a big dork at seeing Joe laugh. His teeth showing and the sound angelic to Ben's ears. 

"Joe Mazzello, full time college student part time forgiving of assholes." Ben didn't think he could fall any harder for Joe. 

The two sat and talked, taking no mind to the people changing around them as the night went on. They laughed and joked about work and school, Ben feeling for Joe and all the papers he had to write. He remembered those days with Gwilym and knew that having Rami around was probably a blessing to the ginger. Ben couldn't imagine how his college days would have ended if he didn't have Gwil around. The blonde talked about his career, not getting too much in detail. He didn't want to ruin the mood by talking about work. But Joe seemed completely at awe at all the roles Ben had been able to pull off. A silent vow was made to watch all of Ben's movies when he got back to his dorm. The blonde also took notice to the fact that Joe seemed to be slowly opening up to him which he was thankful for, afraid he had chased the boy away by being a wanker earlier on in the night. 

By the time Rami, Lucy, and Gwil had made it back to the two Joe had his elbow rested on the bar top and the two were leaned in close. 

"I certainly hope you aren't trying to steal my date away, Mr. Hardy." An arm snaked around Joe's neck, Gwilym leaning into Joe's ear. He loved to tease the ginger and see his face light up in pinks and reds all over. Batting playfully at the arm around his neck, laughter rang around their small space. Ben could get used to this. 

"You left your date unattended, I only swooped in to make sure Joe here didn't die of boredom." Ben scoffed. He was rewarded with another laugh from Joe and a snort from Gwilym. 

The group decided it was time to go, seeing as the crowds of people had already started to thin out and Lucy sworn if she had to wear her heels any longer she would actually lose a toe. Rami, always the gentleman, offered her his shoes saying he could pull off the heels and a suit look. Joe snorted his last drink up his nose on accident, not expecting the comment and ended up having napkins shoved his way. Rami almost falling over in fits of laughter with Lucy leaning on him for support. Gwilym and Ben were trying their best to help Joe while shaking with their own fits of laughter. 

They left after that, with Joe's nose burning and everyone's stomach's hurting from the sheer laughter they had all been subjected too. Ben squeezed by the window with Gwilym squished in the middle of Ben and Joe, his long legs spread enough to brush against the other boy's legs. Lucy, at this point, had her head rested on Rami's shoulder and her eyes heavy. She was so thankful for the four boys in her life. Only knowing Joe for a short period of time, she knew he would fit perfectly with the others. Watching Ben and the other interact made her heart flutter. You could clearly see how smitten with each other they were. It was honestly adorable. She just hoped her judgement wasn't fogged by the fact that Rami and Joe were good friends. 

They all silently wished for more moments like these. The two lovebirds resting their heads on each other, his hand over her smaller one. Joe started to fall asleep, his head on the fogged window. Gwilym slowly moved him so he could rest more comfortably on his shoulder, a smile curled on his lips at how peaceful Joe looked. Ben already drooling away on the giant's other shoulder. He didn't complain, knowing the excitement for the day must have been a lot for the two. He did, however, take his phone out and took a selfie making sure to make a mental note to come up with a witty caption. 

When they pulled up at the hotel, Gwilym nudged Ben awake who groaned and rubbed at his tired eyes. "Come on sleepyhead. Time to go up to your room." The brunette moved Joe carefully back to the window, saying a quiet goodbye before climbing out with Ben. Rami carefully shook Lucy awake after feeling movement around him. Lucy snuggled up closer to him and he sworn his heart was going to literally explode out of his chest like a scene out of a horror movie. 

"Come on, Luce. You gotta go get up so you can get to your room." Lucy's eyes fluttered open and she smiled tiredly at the handsome face that awaited her. "Goodnight, let me know when you make it to your room, ok?" Rami ushered her safely out of the car and into the arms of Ben and Gwil who promised to get her back safely. Before the two boys could get out, the older boy slipped the limousine driver and extra few hundreds to take the college students back. The driver was more than happy to help, once payment was given and he drove off leaving the hotel and the rest of the evening behind them.

Joe woke up with a pounding headache and a warm body next to him. He snuggled up closer, groaning at the sunlight casting in through the only window in the dorm. "Fuck off." The ginger grumbled, rolling over and burying his face in the pillow. Why is it every time he went out with Gwilym, who was suppose to be a good friend, he always ended up with a headache. He would have to give the man a piece of his mind one of these days. 

Rami rolled over and bumped foreheads with Joe, both pulling away with a groan. "Pickle juice and Advil?" 

"Pickle Juice and Advil." 

They sat up on Rami's bed once he had gotten them a glass of pickle juice and two Advil's each. Silence swallowed the two but they didn't care much, just wanting to not feel like shit. Rami's cheek was pressed flat to Joe's shoulder while the older boy tried to decided if their closeness was making him feel better or much much worse. The boys were lucky they both had a late class today so, they would both have time to sober up before class. 

"I think I met an angel last night," Ben was laying face up on the bed, his head hanging over the edge making the image of Gwilym and his confusion turn upside down. The older boy had come to visit Ben to make sure he hadn't throw his guts up or wasted the day away in bed. He luckily hadn't drank as much as the others so he was awake and coherent to take care of Ben and Luce if she wasn't feeling too well either. But he was sure the blonde woman had ended up dancing the night away instead of drinking so all that should be wrong with her are her poor feet.

"Ben, are you still drunk?" Was Gwilym's first response staring at a smiling Ben. 

The boy slowly flipped over, completely ignoring the twisting feeling in his gut. He wouldn't throw up and ruin such a beautiful revaluation. "Gwilym, he's voice was... I mean. And his smile, god." Ben sighed, "his laugh was amazing too. I mean if I had a recording of it I would listen to it all the time." 

Gwilym was definitely weirded out at this point. Either Ben was drunk or he had hit his head. The brunette couldn't figure out which but knew neither would be good. 

"And he's a ginger. A bloody ginger, how cute is that? I bet if I got close enough I could see all his freckles." The blonde practically squealed at the thought of being able to kill all of Joe's freckles, wondering how far them traveled down his body. "I've made my decision. I'm going to go ask him out on a date!" He declared, bouncing up off the bed. In retrospective that was as much of a bad idea as letting Ben scurry around the room, looking for something decent to wear before showering. The poor boy ended up rushing to the bathroom to throw up from all the extra movement.

Gwilym couldn't decide if he should warn Joe of Ben's arrival or let Ben romantically surprise him. He knew the ginger pretty well, but still wasn't too sure on his stance of surprise... or how he was after a long night of drinking. Maybe he should tell Rami? 

That's how he ended up at Lucy's hotel room after making sure Ben could handle taking a shower with slipping or vomiting his organs. Lucy's hair was a tangled mess, her makeup from the night before half on her face and half wiped off but, she looked fully rested. She moved aside and let the giant in, ushering for him to sit at the little kitchenette. 

"Want a cuppa?" Lucy asked, already having a cup of her own. Gwilym nodded, saying his thanks when she poured him a mug and passed the sugar his way. They sat in comfortable silence, the man stirring the sugar into his tea and Luce watching him with a soft smile. 

"So, Rami, huh?" Gwil started, looking around her clean room. Only thing out of place was her black suitcase, standing out against the white bedding. 

Her blush and the way her face lit up at just the sound of his name. "Yeah, he's really sweet and so funny Gwil. I'm really glad you convinced me to go dancing all those months ago." Her finger traced the lip of the mug, her eyes lost in her tea. "We're actually gonna try going out before we all go back to London. As long as his classes don't get in the way that is." 

Gwilym was ecstatic seeing how happy Lucy was at just the mention of Rami. It had been hard on her finding a nice guy especially when she started to become more popular and her name really got out in the industry. Guys came and went, taking a piece of the sweet girl with them. Luckily she had her two favorite boys to help put her back together again. They knew just want to say to make her feel better, squishing her in the middle of the two and letting her talk out whatever she needed. 

She really was one of a kind and deserved more than the blokes she dated could ever give her. Dating for her seemed to stop all together after one particular bad break up. Gwilym and Ben all but chased the bloke away after finding her on the floor of their shared apartment, a bruise starting to form on her face. The two would have murdered him and hide his body where no one could find him, but Lucy had begged them not to. And that's how they ended up laying on her bed, her snuggled up next to them both. 

Rami was the first guy she had given a chance, happily running off to the boys to tell them all about the college student and all the funny jokes he had told her over their Skype call. Gwilym could see the two getting closer and he was wary at first, not wanting to have Lucy get hurt again. But he trusted Joe's word about Rami and he was so glad he did. 

"Well just let me know when you leave, young lady. And don't be out late or I'll have to find you lot." His mock father impression made her almost snort her tea, laughing then necessary. 

"Yes, sir." She saluted. "Finish your tea. I'm gonna go get ready. Rami said he would be here after his last class and that gives me just enough time to try on my wardrobe at least twice." They shared another fit of laughter. 

"Before you go, I wanted to ask what you think about Joe... I mean for Ben?" Lucy stopped in her tracks and turned his a smile.

"I think they're perfect for each other. Did you see the way they were looking at each other last night? It was adorable." 

"Well, Ben wants to surprise Joe at his dorm and... well I'm not sure if that's such a good idea." 

"Let then be. I mean what's the worst that could happen." She waved him off and Gwilym hoped that phrase wasn't as cursed as they made it out to be in the movies. 

Joe thought about stabbing his pen through his ear to avoid listening to his professor go on and on about some formula he already learned and most likely forgot about. Rami, ever the student, was sitting next to him pretending to pay attention while texting heart emojis to Lucy. He ended up entertaining himself by flicking pieces of paper into the hair of the girl in front of him, smiling when she turned to glare at him. With a shrug, he laid his head down on his arm and decided to catch up on sleep. 

So, maybe Ben shouldn't have showed up unannounced at Joe's dorm with his arms full of balloons, candies, and an oversized stuff bar like some high school guy trying to win over his valentine. And maybe he shouldn't have asked all the girls on campus where a ginger named Joe would be around this time. And maybe it had been a terrible, terrible idea to wait outside the glass door, staring like an idea at the ginger who looked like he would rather be watching paint dry then in class. The blonde thought his incognito disguise would keep him for getting seen. That was also a big mistake. 

One girl elbowed another, whispering to her friend, who whispered to their friend who told her friend until the whole class, except Joe and Rami, were starring out the classroom door. A squeal erupted from the crowd of girls in the class, pointing at the blonde who was standing sheepishly outside. The professor paused, turning with annoyance etched into his features. "Girls, is there any particular reason you are interrupting my class?"

"Ben Hardy!" They all squealed, looking between each other and the door. Ben cringed, he definitely didn't think this through. The professor turned from the girls to the door and saw the blonde man, standing there with his arms full, head down. Rami all but had a heart attack, smacking Joe's arm aggressively until he finally woke up. The ginger glared at his friend, ready to murder him with the pen held loosely in his hand before going back to sleep. 

With a sigh the professor started towards the door, stepping out quickly and pulling the blonde aside. "Mr. Hardy, a pleasure to meet you I'm sure." He sounded annoyed, beyond annoyed at this point. "What do I owe the pleasure of distracting my class?" Ben stood gaping, not sure what to say. "Well, spit it out then." 

"Um, I'm here for Joe. I was told he was in your class, ah, sir." Ben lowered his head politely, trying not to anger the older man further. 

It didn't work. The professor pinched the skin between his brows and sighed an angry 'of course you are' before opening the door to his classroom and poking his head inside. "Joseph, come here." 

Joe all but tripped out of his chair, still waking up and trying to figure out what the hell Rami was trying to tell him. Every girl in the classroom glared daggers at him, but he couldn't figure out why. That is until he made it out the door and nearly had a heart attack. How had Ben found him? Why on earth was he here? Was this a dream?

"Don't take too long, boys, I can't have my students missing out an education because of Mr. Hardy here." And the professor slipped back into the class. Rami stood, waving his hand around and talking nonsense, trying to get his professor's attention. "You aren't going out there, Malek. Sit down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know this is a cliffhanger... and I promise I already have a loooooong chapter planned next so I promise the wait will be worth it! Hope you enjoyed! Also, side note,  
> Let me know if you guys want in depth smut ooooor if you would rather me skip all the gruesome detail. 
> 
> Kudos are appreciated and comments make me weeeeet.


	7. Make You Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I just wanted to say that the idea for this story was taken from two different edits using 'Make You Mine' by Public. The one edit was created by @Bchvmian and the other by @sevenseasoframi both on Instagram. Please go check out their edits!

Rami watched on from his seat at the back of the classroom. Most of the class were simply pretending to pay attention at this point, maybe one or two students actually listening to whatever the professor was saying. He didn't exactly have a good view, but by Joe's body language he looked, uncomfortable. The boy took one glance at his teacher who was babbling away at the board, backed turned to the class, and decided to see if Lucy knew what was going on between the two. 

Rami ❤️  
So... Ben just showed up on   
campus and is standing   
outside our classroom  
with Joe... 

 

Love Of My Life  
Wait  
You mean Ben actually did it  
Omg send pics

Rami❤️  
sent attached imagine

 

Love Of My Life  
Why does Joe look so stiff? Smh.   
We both told him not to  
F this up 🤦🏼♀️

 

Rami❤️  
a little warning next time  
you guys plan on stopping by  
I mean I could have at least   
warned Joe before hand....

poor boy has drool marks on   
his face Luce

 

"Go out" Ben nodded, "with you?" Another nod of affirmation. Joe turned back to his classroom, meeting eyes with Rami who gave him a thumbs up. Joe didn't make decisions like this on his own and certainly not this fast. He normally had time and Rami to think about it. While he was laying in bed trying to sleep he could think about. Pros, cons, ups, downs, and all the in between. Then he could talk himself out of it, talk himself back into it, and play around this going, not going circle for a least two days. "I don't know... I barely know you, Ben. Listen last night was fun, but you're gonna be going back to London and I have to focus on my studies." Joe turned, attempting to go back to the most boring class he had ever been to. Ben's plea stopped him in his tracks.

"Please, just let me take you out on one date. You'll love it. I can buy you anything your heart desires. Clothes, jewelry, school books. Anything." Ben pleaded. He just wanted to have a chance with the ginger. 

Joe was extremely put off by the idea of materialistic things. He shook his head, his hand gripping the door handle. Ben pulled him back gently, hoping to get his attention once more. The blonde was wearing his heart on his sleeve at this point, knowing if Joe really didn't want to it would sink to his feet. Feet stomping on it as the ginger walked away. He couldn't handle another trample. 

"Please, just give me three days to prove that we're worth it. I've fallen for you Joseph Mazzello." 

Rami❤️  
Luce.  
Lucy.  
Ben looks so desperate  
I'm  
Omg  
Luce

 

Love Of My Life  
I stg if they don't get together  
I'm   
fighting them both

 

Joe sighed. He looked back at Rami who was furiously tapping at his phone then turned to face Ben again. "Fine." 

"Fine?" Hope. Hope dripped from every letter of the word. Ben was getting his chance, he would be able to take Joe out. A pounding in his chest made him almost afraid he may have a heart attack right here. 

"Fine, but no more gifts." Joe really hoped his wasn't making a bad decision. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he was afraid to get attached to Ben. They couldn't possibly work. Ben had work, a career surrounded by beautiful people and Joe had school and bills and Rami. They both couldn't just put their lives on hold. It would be easier just to be friends, to forget their attraction for each other all together. But neither would be able to do that. Being friends wouldn't be enough for either of them, especially knowing they never gave it a shot. Before he went back into his class, gifts in hand, he smiled at Ben, "pick me up tonight and make sure you aren't wearing your dork disguise. I can't have people think I'm going out with a douche who wears sunglasses at night."

Ben was frantically pacing outside Gwilym's door, his hands sweaty and his breathing erratic. To say he was panicking was an understatement. Far beyond that point by now, he was frantic. What if he messed this up and Joe never wanted to see him again? He said no more gifts, but his last girlfriend had been the same way and ended up cheating on him. Ben was so afraid of dating again, afraid of messing up and having another constant reminder of how he screwed up. And not only would he be losing Joe as a significant other, but their friendship would be ruined and that wouldn't be fair to the other three. 

Maybe asking Joe out was a mistake. Her cheating may have been a sign that dating wasn't for him. His back bumped the wall opposite of Gwilym's door, sliding down slowly till he was sitting with his knees to his chest, head in his lap. Was it too late to tell Joe he couldn't do it? And did this make him a coward? 

Joe just barely decided to give the blonde a chance, a small chance he didn't want to take advantage of but he was so afraid of messing up again. He couldn't deal with the spirally thoughts or the darkness. 

There was movement around him, then felt warmth before he was enveloped in strong arms. This wasn't suppose to be stressful. Excitement should be filling his system right now, fueling him to get ready. He should be going through his wardrobe, throwing around outfits and making Gwilym suffer through it all. 

"It's alright, Benny." A hushed whisper rumbled next to his ear and he instantly relaxed. Gwil always has a presence about him that just made you feel so comfortable. It might have been the way he spoke or how easy it was to open up your heart to him and finally have someone who will just listen, no input of their own unless asked. Glassy green met warm brown, the stress melting away. 

Even all the way back to their high school years Ben could remember Gwilym always being right there besides him. Always there to help push him beyond what he believed was possible and knock some sense into him when he did something stupid. When Ben got into trouble his trusty brunette would be right there to help bail him out. It's honestly quite surprising they never did try dating, but the giant was contempt with moments like these. Where he could wrap himself around the younger boy and shield him from the rest of the world 

"I know it's stupid. It's just... well I haven't been on a date since her and I just- I can't fuck this up, Gwil." Ben sighed, leaning in closer to his friend. The taller boy was wearing a pair of boxers and a towel was wrapped around his head, it would have been a hilarious site if it weren't for the fact the world seemed to be crushing around him. 

"Joe already likes you Ben. No extravagant gifts just you and him. Take him somewhere simple, nothing fancy." Gwilym pushes himself up and held a hand out to Ben. "And remember to just be yourself." They moved into Gwilym's room, where the boy finished changing with Ben sitting on his bed. 

Joe was currently throwing every article of clothing he owned around his room, muttering a 'no' and 'definitely not' as he did it. Rami had offered to help him but, being the good friend he is, told the boy to go on and pick up Lucy so they could spend the rest of the day together. He had managed to keep it together for a good two minutes after his friend had closed the door, regretting his decision instantly. Now he would have to choose his own outfit. What even do you wear on a first date? He hadn't had the time to date since high school and he clearly remembered his date getting hammered at a party and vomiting on his favorite shirt. That relationship ended real quick after that. 

Checking the clock, he saw it was just after 6. Ben would be here sooner rather than later and he still couldn't find anything worthwhile. It would have been easier if he knew what they were doing. What if they went out to a fancy restaurant and he was underdressed? Or what if they went to a bar and he was overdressed? This sucked. Where the hell was Rami when he needed him? 

As if the gods had heard his plea, the lock on the door was jiggled before being slammed open by a smirking Rami and Lucy who was carrying two bags in her hand. Joe almost had a heart attack, forgetting he had locked the door and thinking it had been Ben for a spilt second. 

"I told you he wouldn't be dressed. Excuse the mess, this is just how Joe copes." Rami pushed the clothes from Joe's bed that faced his dresser off the bed and patted the mattress for Lucy to sit on. She glanced at Joe, silently asking if it was ok and he nodded his approval. Once seated, Rami took one bag from Lucy and threw it at Joe, who just barely caught it. When Joe sent a quizzical look their way, Rami spoke up. "It's your outfit for tonight. Luce and I picked it out." 

Joe muttered a 'thank you', his head bowed as he walked into their shared bathroom. It was a simple outfit comprised of a nice pair of gray jeans and cobalt blue shirt, a white bow tie had been thrown into the mix as an afterthought. The ginger smiled and threw the clothes on quickly, trying to fix his hair in the mirror before stepping out into the room.

The two lovebirds had been chatting away on the bed, their thighs pressed together from how close they were sitting. They looked so happy together and it showed by the smiles stretched on their faces. Joe hopes he would have what they did. 

When he stepped out they both whipped their heads around, smiling to each other than at Joe. "You clean up nicely." The blonde joked.

"So, this looks alright? I don't look overdressed?" 

"You look great, Joe." Rami nodded his approval and Lucy quickly agreed. "Now let Luce fix your hair before your date gets here with you looking like a psycho path."  Joe took one last glance in the mirror. Strands of ginger were sticking up everywhere, his bangs drooping over his forehead. He looked like he had a bad case of bedhead.

 

The ginger was ushered over to his bed, Lucy standing above him in between his spread legs. She pulled combs and some kind of gel out of a bottle, fluffing up his hair and slicking it back neatly. When she pulled away, Joe half asleep from her playing with his hair, a smile broke out over her face and the two lovebirds looked proudly over her work.

"Joe, you know I hate modern slang..."

"But?"

"But you look like a whole delectable snack." 

The room erupted into laughter making Joe relax finally. He took a look in the mirror and mentally agreed with Rami. The couple had done a good job helping Joe out not only with making himself look presentable, but also helping him relax enough to breathe easy.

That easiness was quickly washed over with absolute blinding fear. A knock had echoed through the room and into Joe's ears. Ben was here. He was here and Joe was panicking again. "I can't do this. I'm just gonna tell him I can't go. I'm sick... I have work..." The ginger was pacing, trying to catch his breath.

"Stop being such a drama queen, Joey." Rami huffed, "now get out there and have fun." The sneaky partners in crime had moved close enough to the door to work out there plan. Lucy quickly opening the door and Rami pushing the poor flustered Joe out right into Ben's arms. 

"Have fun boys!" 

Ben, ever so quick, was able to stop the two from collapsing onto the hard ground below them. The plastic the flowers in Ben's hands were wrapped in crinkled at the effort of gripping the roses and also catching his date's arm in his occupied hands. The strong grip didn't loosen until he was sure they both had caught their balance. 

Joe pulled away, taking a step back and taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Rami is a little shit and-"

"No, no it's ok. I'm always up for catching angels." The ginger blushed praying the lighting in the hallway wouldn't show it. "Also, these are for you. I know you said no gifts, but I would never be able to forgive myself if I showed up without flowers." 

He took them carefully. They were roses, beautiful red roses fully in bloom and a rich red color. It put a smile on his face. Maybe this wasn't so bad. 

"Let me just put these inside." 

They left after that, but not before Rami made a crack about not doing anything he wouldn't do and trying to hand him a few boxes of condoms. They were all different sizes, flavors, and colors. The poor boy nearly turned the same color as the roses, slamming their dorm door behind him with Lucy and Rami's laughter chasing him. 

Ben offered his arm and Joe took it letting himself be lead out to what he assumed was a rental. The car was, well, beyond nice and definitely beyond what Joe could afford. It was a black convertible, the top already down. The interior was a beautiful cream color and it even still had that new car smell everyone raved about. 

It was much different driving in American than in London well, with them driving on the opposite side of the road. Luckily, it seemed Ben knew what he was doing. He drove carefully, riding top down once he was sure the other was on with it and letting the silence be washed up by Queen. Joe didn't mind the wind whipping in his face, the cool air made him feel a little less anxious. And he was glad they both enjoyed the same music, it made picking something to listen to easy. Who doesn't like Queen anyway? 

Small talk was passed between the two, something comfortable and familiar to Joe. It was comforting to not have to stare at Ben or have to worry about others seeing them together. Not that Ben would care much, he would show Joe off if he would allow it. He was sure the younger boy wouldn't be comfortable with all the attention, not forgetting the backlash he had gotten for showing up on campus and interrupting an entire class.

Joe asked multiple times where they were headed as the lights from the busy streets slowly drifted behind them and all they were left with were the dim lights from the stars and the headlights from the car. The older of the two refused to budge, ready to surprise the ginger. Guesses were offered, but Ben just shook his head refusing to give anything away. This had to be perfect or else the time Gwilym had put in helping would be a waste. 

They drive far past city limits into the canyons, somewhere Joe had refused to venture out by himself no matter how beautiful the view must be. Too many horror stories from back home and especially when he had moved to LA to want to explore. He did enjoy the pictures Rami would send him when the boy had went on a drive and ended up in a place he didn't know, a beautiful view sitting in front of him. The stars had been beautiful that night. Just as much so as they were tonight. 

When the car pulled into an open area, Joe assumed they were here. The sound of Queen echoed into the canyon, the last cord being played before the car was shut off. "You aren't going to kill me, are you?"

Ben laughed, opening the door for the smaller boy and closing it when he stepped out. "Not at all." He took the boy's hand, noticing how soft it was unlike his that were rough from his intense training. The blonde lead the two towards the edge where a lamp light was set up. Light burst from the lamp, washing  the picnic area that had been set up for the two in white. Gwilym had been long gone by now, leaving a simple 'have fun but not too much fun' note on top the basket he had left for the two. 

"Ben, this is..." 

"Come and sit, love." Ben sat crossed legged on the crimson blanket Gwilym had laid out. Joe joined him quickly, sitting across from him and getting comfortable. They fished out plates and food, settling into comfortable silence. 

By the time the two had finished eating, a bottle of wine empty next to them, they were relaxed. Ben leaning back on his hands planted firmly behind him and Joe leaning forward, his arm wrapped around his one knee his other leg out stretched. 

"No way! John Deacon hands down." He took another sip from the other wine bottle Ben had brought.

The blonde scoffed, "John Deacon is an amazing bass player, but Roger Taylor was a way better song writer." 

"Um, hello, Another One Bites The Dust, I Want To Break Free. Have you not heard these masterpieces." 

"Of course, but Radio Gaga, A Kind Of Magic." Ben shrugged his shoulders, pushing up to sit cross legged. A piece of cheese hung between his lips, "and of course the best song ever produced by Queen." Leaning forward into Joe's space, a smirk playing on his lips. "I'm In Love With My Car."

"Oh, fuck off." Joe laughed. The two shared a laugh, letting their space fill with the sound. It was amazing really. To them no one else existed. No one else mattered but the two of them. All the worry Joe had felt ridiculous to him. Ben was fun to be around. He was funny and witty, knowing just how to make Joe burst into fits of laughter. A mental note was made that night to treat Rami and Lucy to anything they wanted. 

Time seemed to tick by quicker than every before for the two. When they finally looked at their phones they noticed about a million texts from their respective friends and that it was almost three in the morning. As much as Joe would love to stay out longer, where no one could bother them and worry couldn't reach them, he had class in the morning. Ben understood, packing up their picnic after playfully slapping Joe's hand away, and didn't want to keep him out any longer. 

They piled into the rental and drove in silence this time, Queen still playing in the background. Joe's head rested on the headrest of his seat, eyes closed and shivering. The smile that stretched over Ben's face was wider than he thought possible and almost hurt his cheeks. At one of the many stop signs on the many empty roads they took to get back to the dorms, Ben slide his jacket off his shoulder and pulled it over Joe's shivering body. Joe looked over at him, half asleep and trying not to fall asleep.

"Sleep. I'll get you back, Love." 

Joe woke up the next morning confused, sun breaking into their room. He sat up slowly feeling his thin blanket slid into his lap. Wiping at his eyes and trying to clear the fuzz from sleeping out. The ginger noticed first that he was wearing a jacket that wasn't his own and he was still wearing his clothes from the other night. A flood of memories filled his mind of his date with Ben. The laughter, the wine, the music. It brought a smile on his face. 

"Should I be scared? You're smiling and it's not even noon yet." Rami was

"Oh, fuck you." Joe called, closing the door to their tiny bathroom. 

Rami's voice slipped in from the bottom of the door, "I don't think Ben would like that very much, Joey!" 

The door was flung open and a wet shampoo bottle was thrown in the direction of Rami, who ducked just in time. Shampoo exploded onto the brick and slowly slid down to the carpet. Joe had no regrets. 

While under the scolding rain of water Joe thought back to his date. The way Ben smiled at him or leaned in to show he was giving the ginger his full attention. He focused on making the younger boy laugh and feel comfortable and Joe was so thankful for that. It was nice to finally be able to just fit and talk to someone. Dating never came easy for Joe, besides the vomit incident of 15' the girls never seemed to really like him. Either becoming annoyed at the fact that his studies came first or that they never wanted to be anything serious. Then, the guys he ended up with just wanted to experiment or wanted to move too fast for Joe's liking. So, Ben was a nice breath of fresh air for Joe. The boy avoiding college boys for the simple fact at how immature they were or how sex crazed they could turn out to be. 

Joe pulled himself from his dark thought and reminded himself he wasn't with any guy, but a pretty decent one. Today would mark say two which meant their second date. That send goosebumps up his arms. How would Ben top last night? He couldn't think of anything more romantic than just the two of them, under the stars, no distractions. They didn't have to worry about being seen or people bothering them to talk to Ben. It had been nice. More than nice really. He would have to thank Ben again for the amazing evening. 

"Ice skating? Ben I haven't skated in years." Joe hadn't been skating in, well, since his sophomore year of high school. At one point, he had wanted to be a hockey player. The ice was something calming to him especially when the ice rinks were outside. Late at night sliding around without a care. It was one of his favorite stress reliefs until his studies began to pile up and money was short. He couldn't pay to go anymore and certainly couldn't afford to sharpen his extremely dull skates. He gave up after that, never stepping onto the ice again. 

Ben had thought this would be a great idea, holding Joe's hand and skating around the rink. He was thankful his parents had forced him to venture out and do things or else he wouldn't be able to skate at all. "Come on, love. It'll be fun. And don't worry about falling you know I'll catch you." They couldn't just not go especially since Ben had paid one of the rink's to close so they could skate alone. Joe agreed, saying goodbye to Ben before shuffling out of his dorm and to class. 

Throughout his boring literature lecture all he could think about was tonight. What if he slipped and fell and Ben laughed at him? He would be so embarrassed he wouldn't be able to show his face to Ben ever again. Or even worse, what if they both fell and one of them got their fingers skated over? Ben couldn't go one with his career with missing fingers! Well in theory he could but he would have to get his fingers sewn back on and then he would be the big talk of Hollywood for weeks. 

Stressed, he barely finished reading whatever old English text his teacher had given them. Actually he couldn't remember a single word of what he read. With a sigh, he packed up his things and left for his dorm. He was one of the few lucky students to have only one class after his two hour long lecture. But, this also gave him more time to panic over tonight and much less time to finish the paper for his class tomorrow. 

With plenty of time to freak out and get ready, he decided to put in some time with his homework. Much rather doing that than having an anxiety attack until his friend came back from his performing arts lecture. So, he plopped himself down at his desk. Cluttered with old papers, text books, and the occasional chip bag. Writing about a sentence or two before realizing he had no idea what he was talking about. He backspaced his already none existent work and opened his book to crack down on whatever they read in class. All the words on the page made no sense to his overworked and panicked brain. 

A groan left between his lips before his head dropped to the old wood desk below. He could do this... skating will be fun even if he has to knock over a few brats to hang onto the rink's edge. Maybe there was still time to talk Ben out of skating in exchange for a movie or, well, he didn't quite know but anything would be better than skating. 

Mary laid on her belly, legs kicking behind her and her wood pencil hanging between her lips. Homework had never been difficult for her, always having Joe around to help when a problem was too difficult or when she wanted her paper proof read. It was nice having a big brother like him around. Not only did he help with school but personal things too.

He was the first to know about her very first boyfriend or trouble with a friend in her loose friend group. When she tried her first blunt and was dared to knock back her first shot, he knew it all. Never telling their parents, but keeping it between them. And she was the same support system for him too, never telling their parents when he would go off to parties or bring home liquor from a friend for them to share. When Joe had told her he thought he was gay, she pulled him into her arms and made sure he knew that it was ok. She wouldn’t let him get hurt for being what society plagued as ‘a freak’. She joked with him about finally being able to have someone to talk about boys with. 

Mary had been so proud when Joe finally stuck up to their parents and decided to go his own path, always following what they wanted up until that point. It was sad, not being able to watch him board the plane. Their parents forbidding her from taking him to the airport that dreary morning. Her support system was miles and miles away and even knowing his schedule they both seemed to be too busy with life to really talk often. Upsetting the young girl, but knowing if she really needed him she would be able to get ahold of him.

When the siblings were able to talk, Joe would only tell her good things. She knew not everything over there could be all that great, but didn’t mention it. He talked about school and how much the work load had piled since being in high school. Mentioning how mostly everyone ignore him and he was fine with that. They last time they were able to talk he had mentioned a new roommate, Rami, she remembered. He seemed to be good for him, his smile just a little brighter and he seemed a little less stressed which she was thankful for.

Mary told him all about how much she had wished for him to have been able to go to her graduation, but his parents hadn’t given him a ticket to be able to go. Joe was sent a record of her receiving the diploma she worked so hard for. The younger sibling talked about college and how online courses were so much nicer than having to go on campus. Joe playfully whines about how nice that must be to show up to class in PJ’s without anyone knowing. She even told him about her boyfriend who she has been with since. He was a good guy, even Skype chatting with her and Joe so they could meet. Joe approved, after questioning him like the good big brother he was. Even playfully threatening him as brothers do. She missed Joe dreadfully. 

A buzz beside her pulled her from her distracting thoughts and to her ringing phone on her purple comforter. The number that came up she didn’t recognize so she ignored it, attempting to go back to her work. That is, until it rang again with the same number. Annoyed, she answered with an irritated “Hello?”

“Is this... Mary Mazzello?” Her brain short circuited. An accent, an accent came through the phone that was beautiful and deep. It was British which confused her deeply. Who on earth would be calling her with a cute ass accent? And why did it sound familiar?

“Speaking... and you are?”

“Ben Hardy, nice to meet you. I’m your brother’s-“

A squeal burst through her lips before she could stop it. She tried to pull away the phone to hide it, but Ben could still hear her. Looking at the number she had to remind herself it would be anyone impersonating the actor she had been fangirling about since his modeling days. Mary wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but she did still have posters of him hung up in her room of the young actor. 

“How do I know you’re not just some imposter...?” 

“Would you rather me FaceTime you then, Love?” 

She thought about it. On one hand if he wasn’t who he said he was, her looking like an absolute disaster wouldn’t matter. But, if Ben was actually Ben then she couldn’t possibly show her face to him. Her hair in a messy bun, no makeup, one of Joe’s old shirts and a pair of pajama shorts. What really are the chances it’s The Ben Hardy anyway? 

“Fine. You’re on” Mary hung up on her side and sat up on her bed, cross legged. She waited patiently for the stranger to call her back. Luckily, she only had to wait a minute before her phone was ringing once more with the number she was started to recognize as the Ben Hardy impersonator. 

She accepted the call, holding the camera up and waiting for the screen to light up with a face. Mary almost had heart failure. “No way! No way!” 

“Now do you believe me, Mary?” 

“Yes, oh my gosh! I love you and your movies and even back to your modeling days.” The poor girl was freaking out, frantically naming off her top three favorite movies with Ben as the starring role of course. All Ben could do was chuckle, honestly honored by the fact that he had such a big fan. Of course he knew he had fans all over the world but it was something different having someone you care about’s sister, passionately going on about all the posters she had. Once Mary calmed down she asked the question that finally scratched to the forefront of her mind. “This is amazing and all, but how do you have my number? Am I on one of those prank shows or something?”

Ben laughed, shaking his head. “No, no not at all. I convinced Rami to sneak your number to me. I wanted to ask a favor if you wouldn’t mind.” 

“Anything. Well, mostly anything, I won’t sell you my soul. I need that.” She was funny like her brother. 

“Of course not, Joe would never forgive me.” 

“Wait, wait how do you know my brother? How do you know Rami? Am I missing something?” 

Ben went on to tell Mary everything he could. Starting from the Golden Globes which the younger girl commented on and congratulated him on his win. The blonde thanked her, going on to tell her about how when he saw Joe he couldn’t take his eyes off of him. Of course he left out their little mishap, choosing to tell her all the good points. Like how they talked the whole night at the club they had been at to celebrate or how he surprised Joe at his classroom and thought Joe might of had a heart attack just seeing him. He ended by letting her know his idea for their first date, having only a few hours to set up.

“I’m glad my brother’s in good hands.” A smile played on her lips, happy her brother was finally with someone worthwhile. “Where do I come in though?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliff hanger I know but you’ll love it. Trust me. Please let me know if y’all are feeling a smut cause if so I’m so ready


	8. Never Let You Go, Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am warning you all now this has smut.... so if you don’t wanna read it you can stop after they fall into the water. If you wanna read it.. ummm good luck. I haven’t written smut in about five million years so hopefully it’s at least decent and quenches your hoe thrist.

"Joe is literally going to cry," Mary gushed over the phone. She had wanted to stay and see Joe's reaction, but sadly had work she couldn't miss. The other three had promised to get pictures for the younger sibling who thanked them before hunting up. Ben was standing in the ice rink he had rented out, his three favorite people standing with him. He had been lucky enough to not only be able to rent out the rink for the night, but it was also the newer of the rinks in LA. The whites and reds that were the theme were still rich in color and hadn't been destroyed yet. The ice was nice and smooth, perfect for skating over. 

For their date the rink had been decked out in beautiful white fairy lights hung carefully above the rink itself. A table had been carefully pulled into the middle of the rink, a crisp white table cloth hiding how old said surface really was. Flowers rested on top the clothed table and rose petals had been carefully laid from the entrance to the opening door of the rink by Lucy, who insisted it had to be perfect. 

Food was ordered from a four star restaurant right down the road and Gwilym had offered to pick it up for Ben while he went to pick Joe up from his dorm. Rami, being ever the sneak, had lied to Joe and told him Lucy had invited him out for the night. He felt bad at first, but then remember Joe would probably thank him for it anyway. 

Joe was waiting patiently, nervously really, looking over himself in the mirror and fixing any stray piece of hair. Due to the fact they would be at a skating rink and he remembered how the chill bite if you weren't dressed properly, Joe decided that staying warm trumped looking good. He threw on the only other nice pair of jeans he owned, a black long sleeve shirt he remembered getting the last Christmas back home, a tan trench coat that he choose to button all the way, a soft black scarf, and of course, a beanie. 

Joe almost jumped out of his skin when there was a knock at his door. The ginger took a deep breath to calm himself, looking over himself one last time, and opened the door with a small smile stretched across his face. 

"You look, stunning." Ben breathed when Joe opened the door. The older boy was dressed in a coat with a scarf and a beanie resting neatly on top his blonde locks. It was adorable really. 

"You think so?" The younger of the two looked down at himself again, "I mean these clothes are kind of old and I was more worried about freezing on the ice then anything else." 

"Don't ever second guess yourself, Joe. You're gorgeous and you shouldn't need me to even say it." Ben leans in hesitating for a second before deciding to kiss the boy's nose instead. The thought of over stepping his boundaries crushed Ben. Never wanting to do anything that would make Joe uncomfortable around him. 

They soon left, hand and hand, Joe's cheeks pink from the compliment and kiss he both wasn't expecting, but was grateful for. Driving with the top down like last time with Ben leaving his hand in Joe's as they drove. It wasn't very busy since it was between the odd hours of people either finishing up dinner or deciding if they wanted to waste that last penny going out or saving for next weeks rent. When the radio started humming the soft tone of 'Somebody To Love', Joe took it upon himself to turn the volume up and sing his heart out. Ben couldn't stop the huge smile or the adoration that was all over his face. He could feel his heart beating a beat too fast at the sound of Joe's singing, finding it beautiful. 

When they finally arrived, thankfully before Ben's heart exploded out of his chest, Ben quickly shut the car off and opened the door for his date. Thankfully, Joe didn't say a word about how empty the rank was. "I want you to trust me ok. Close your eyes." His hands were shaking and he silently prayed Joe wouldn't take notice. He didn't, instead giving the hand in his a squeeze and closing his eyes. 

"I trust you." 

Ben lead Joe carefully towards the rink, letting go of the boy's hand to instead stand behind him with two hands covering Joe's eyes. They shuffled forward, the younger boy's breathing hitched when he could feel the press of a muscular body behind him. He batted away the insecure thoughts, reminding himself Ben thought he was perfect. 

When they were close enough Lucy and Rami came to hold both doors open for the two and Ben was so thankful for them both. The light from inside the building spilling out into the night, washing Joe's entire body in white. "Open them." 

The whisper made Joe shiver. It wasn't a command, more hesitant and nervous than demanding. Slowly the hands were removed from his eyes and, after bracing himself, opened them to see the two dorky faces of his friends and Lucy. Then he looked around, taking in the decorating he assumed was done for their date as his eyes adjusted to the light. "This is... Ben. This is amazing. I don't even know what to say."

"Well don't just stand there, come in." Rami laughed, excited to see his friends reaction. The ginger slid Ben's hand into his and walked further into the skating rink's building. Following the rose petals with hitched breath and a pounding heart, he was brought to the site of a table, surrounded by more rose petals. A vase was filled with roses and food was placed neatly on the table, covering it to keep it as warm as possible. 

"You did this all for me?" Joe was almost in tears. Never in his life had anyone gone out of their way to make something so special just for him. His birthdays were just family and cake, never allowed to invite friends over or, as he got older, have them stay for very long. 

"That's not all," Ben smiled from beside him. It was his turn to lead the two towards the counter for renting skates. He raised a finger for Joe to stay put as he jumped over the counter and looked below the counter top. When he pulled out a pair of black skates with ugly gold laces and the plastic piece from one of the laces missing, Joe almost lost it. The ginger boy had to actually blink away tears. 

"How did you get these?" It was Joe's old pair of skates from back home. He picked one skate up and, turning it over, noticed his name was still written at the bottom in his sloppy handwriting. 

"I had a little help from your sister who was more than happy to send these over after she gave me the shovel talk." Joe let out a wet laugh and that was all Ben needed before he moved back to the other side of the counter and pulled Joe in for a hug. "I wanted to make this special for you, Love. And I had all the help I could ask for." He cocked his head and the three who were practically cooing over the scene in front of them quickly moved forward and wrapped Joe into a big group hug. 

"This means... so much to me guys. Thank you." Joe could barely get a word out before sobs. How had he ended up with such amazing people in his life. Another mental note was made to call his sister as soon as he could to thank you. When his sobs turned into sniffling and his sniffling quieted down, they all slowly pulled away. Watching as Joe wipes his face with his sleeves. 

"It's time for us to get out of your hair." Lucy spoke up first, soft and gentle like a mother speaking to a small child. "Have fun you two." She took Rami's hand and elbowed Gwilym who had been taken in the sight of Ben, who was giving Joe a look full of love. It was quite adorable. He was just glad the two idiots were together. 

"Not too much fun though," Rami quipped from the doorway. He thought the playful smack from Lucy was worth the red faces he earned from the two lovebirds. 

Finally being left alone, Ben moved Joe to the bench with his skates in hand. He helped Joe into the skates like Cinderella and Prince Charming, something Joe was a blushing mess over. Repeatedly telling Ben he could do it himself didn't seem to get through to the other boy. So, once he was all laced in, Ben put his own pair of skates on. Then he took Joe's hand once more and less him to the rink's open door.

"I know it's been awhile for you, but I'll take care of you until you get a feel for it again." Ben squeezed Joe's hand to let him know he wouldn't be letting go anytime soon before carefully stepping onto the ice and helping Joe. 

It wasn't as difficult as he thought it would have been after years of not skating. He wasn't sure if it was the confidence oozing from Ben or if muscle memory was just helping him out. Either way he was ecstatic being able to skate with only a little stumble with Ben's hand clenched in his. They did a lap around the rink before the older boy lead them to the table, helping Joe sit first before he took his seat. 

Gwilym had picked up spaghetti and a big garden salad for the two, the stables of all second date foods. Joe didn't complain, he loved food especially free food. Eating slow and talking, Joe concluded, was his favorite thing with Ben. It was the simple moments like these he loved the most. Silently, he wished for many many more. 

Once done their meal, Ben told Joe to stay while he carefully moved the table from the rink and then the chairs. Joe was confident enough to stand on his own, not needing the rink's edge while watching Ben disappear behind the corner. A minute went by, then two. He started to worry when, finally, the sound of something soft and beautiful echoed around the rink. It was a slow tune, played only by the softest notes from what Joe could hear were the piano and violin. This wasn't his kind of music, but he loved it all the same. 

Ben came rounding the corner then, skating to his date and grabbing both hands in his. "Dance with me?"

"I just got my sea legs and you want me to try and dance?" 

"Don't worry, I got you. Just trust me." Joe nodded, giving the rougher hands a little squeeze before letting himself be whisked away by Ben. 

It was beautiful. Even stumbling and hanging onto Ben for dear life when the first started, it was still beautiful. The way Ben's hand slide from his to wrap around his waist or the way his eyes filled with nothing less than adoration for the ginger. Joe couldn't get enough of it, of Ben, and he was becoming more and more thankful as the hours ticked on. 

They danced for hours, laughing, stumbling, and swaying to the music. Joe couldn't think of a time he had more fun than right now, and certainly couldn't think of anywhere else he wanted to be at the very moment. All good things, unfortunately, must come to an end. During the wee hours of the morning, the two packed up and cleaned up, putting everything back where it belonged. Then Ben drove Joe back to his dorm. This time he stayed awake to watch the street lights and store light Ben's face in yellows and purples. He hoped to never forget tonight, skates in his lap leaving trails of icy water and the feeling of Ben's hand resting on his knee. A moment like this he wished would last forever. 

Joe tried to refuse Ben's offers of walking Joe back to his dorm room, but Ben wasn't having any of it. So, instead, the ginger took the other boy's hand and the walked slowly back to his room. They dragged it out as long as they could, dragging their feet and stopping to just take in each other's presence. It came to an end all too soon when Joe saw the door to his dorm come into view. 

He unlocked it, quietly opening the door and stepping inside. Joe turned, nervously playing with the hem of his jacket. "Would you, want to come in?" 

Ben just smiled, grabbing those soft hands he loved one last time. They made eye contact, staring at each other for what seemed like forever before Ben made the first move and finally brought their lips together. The kiss was chaste, no tongue or teeth. Just something soft and gentle. Joe almost whines at the loss of contact when Ben pulled away all too soon.

"Goodnight, Love. Sweet dreams." 

"Second day in a row... seeing you smile before noon. Did Ben dick you down yet or what? You seem at lot less stressed." Rami casually states, chomping on his second bag of potato chips. They were sitting in the middle of their class, Joe not paying one bit of attention, too focused in trying to remember every inch of Ben's lips. He couldn't get Ben out of his mind. And with that came the impending doom of the flight back to London. Leaving him behind thousand of miles away while he was stuck here, trying not to go nuts over how boring his life was before Ben. 

Joe nearly choked on the chip he had stolen from Rami's bag, figuring he wouldn't notice until it was too late. 

"Mr. Mazzello, are you quite done horsing around up there? I am trying to teach a class." The professor snapped from the front of the door. Joe, once the chip that was lodged down his throat had finally made it down, swallowed sharply with a cough.

"Go on sir. No one's stopping you here." A few students snickered from around the room. The professor knew to pick and choose his battle, this was one he wouldn't bother fighting. 

When Joe was sure the professor wouldn't be bothered stopping class again, he glared at Rami. "We didn't do anything you perv. Honestly, I'm just reliving last night. It was so much fun. We skated and danced and he even kissed me Rami." A smile stretched onto his face at the mere mention of Ben. 

"Do you know what you guys are doing tonight?" 

"Nope, Ben is sure to surprise me again. I have to say I'm starting to appreciate surprises." 

Gwilym and Ben were standing, toes buried in the sand, preparing for the finally date between him and Joe. They had rented out the one side of the beach and a beach house that, thankfully, had been empty. Ben figures if Joe wanted to stay they could, but he wouldn't push the boy to do anything he didn't want to. Lucy had stuck back this time, her having caught a bit of a cold and wanting to rest up before their long flight tomorrow.

A mini projector had been set up with a portable scene, an abundance of movies at the ready. They had bought a large blanket, some pillows, and were planning on filling another picnic basket with food. Rami was packing clothes for Joe just in case the two decided to stay overnight, go swimming, or if their clothes ended up getting ruined. Ben figured it would be better to be safe than sorry. 

Of course, sticking to the rose petal theme, the laid out the blanket and surrounded the area in rose petals. Gwilym had tried to convince Ben to do the same to the bed in their beach house, but the younger of the two refused. He didn't want Joe to get the wrong idea. This wasn't about a conquest, he generally cared about Joe and didn't want him to think this whole date idea had been just to get in his pants. Ben was fine if they never hand sex at all, using his hand for the rest of his life was fine by him as long as he had Joe by his side. 

"Alright, Mate. Everything looks perfect." Gwilym clasped his back and Ben smiled proudly at their work. 

"Couldn't have done it without you, Gwil. Thank you." 

"Anything for you, Benny. Now, don't fuck this up." 

Ben picked Joe up before sundown, which was different for the two. Normally, because of Joe's schedule or how long it would take to set everything up, they wouldn't be driving until much later. This time Joe was able to see Ben's face fully in natural lighting. He was just as beautiful with the summer breeze whipping around his hair and the sun lighting his skin from above, making the pale boy look paler but not in a sickly way. 

Joe noticed this time they were driving into the canyons, but towards the coast. That could only mean one thing, the beach. "Oh, Ben I wish you would have told me. I'm haven't packed anything for the beach. If you could just turn around I can pack a few things." 

Ben shook his head, "Rami took care of it." He pointed to the bag in the back of the rental car and Joe could only smile. 

Of course he was already packed, Rami was a sneaky little bastard. Lucky for him, Joe loved him all the same. 

The arrived at the beach around sunset, grabbing the two bags they had and moving towards the beach. Ben lead them first to the beach house so they could set their things down and not have to worry about sand getting inside anything. Once done that, Joe kicked off his shoes and grabbed Ben's hand. Pulling the boy out of the house and running towards the water. 

The water was cold to the touch, making Joe gasp in surprise. It didn't bother him much after the initial shock, rolling up his pants and going in as deep as he could without his clothes getting wet. The waves were calm today, pushing the water gently to them instead of knocking them back. It was a nice change from how he remembered the beach. 

The watched the sunset from the water, Joe promising not to ruin the moment by splashing Ben. That promise didn't uphold for long, after splashing the blonde and stealing a kiss from the very surprised boy, he ran. After getting over his shook, Ben chased Joe around, splashing each other until their clothes were dripping and they were both laughing hysterically. 

"This is exactly why I brought clothes, you little brat." Ben joked as they moved from the water to the beach house to change clothes before watching whatever movie Joe decided. They ended up watching a horror film, blankets wrapped around their shoulders as they leaned against one another. 

Joe jumped once or twice, but neither were exactly bothered by the movie. And Ben got pay back for the water incident by throwing popcorn at the ginger when he wasn't paying attention. It back fired when they went into full on popcorn war. Heads ducked behind pillows and popcorn was thrown until their once clean blanket was covered in the buttery snack. 

It didn't bother either of them, making the both fall into another fit of laughter. They decided they didn't care much for the popcorn blanket so instead of cleaning it they replaced it with one of the many others they had brought along. Joe laid his head on Ben's chest as they watched the finally scenes of the movie, his fingers carding through the ginger's locks. 

It was comfortable, being able to lay like this without so much as a care. When they were together it was like the rest of the world didn't exist. Time stopped and moved slow, allowing them to squeeze every last millisecond as their own. Right now, Ben didn't have to leave Joe behind. It was just them. No media, no movies, no college, no work, nothing. They were both content, loving every moment like this. 

Joe looked up at Ben through half lidded eyes, smiling sweetly. "If I asked you to stay, would you?"

"I think I would give up just about everything for you, Love." 

Joe sat up, leaning himself against Ben's leg with his hands on either side of himself. He couldn't ask Ben to give up everything for him, it wouldn't be fair. That was like his parents asking him to give up his dream, remembering the sting of that day. Pushing the thought aside, he looked up at the sky. If shooting stars could really grant wishes he would wish to be able to go with Ben, leaving his life behind. 

The blonde sat up, moving so he could wrap his arms around Joe's middle with his chin resting on his shoulder. "What's wrong?" 

"It's nothing." Joe looked over at Ben who had concern etched into his features. A hand came up to card through Ben's hair like Ben had been doing for him just moments before. "I don't want to ruin the  
moment."

"Talk to me, Joe." 

The younger boy leaned his head to rest upon the other, sighing. "Come tomorrow morning, you'll be back in London and I'll be stuck here." They shared eye contact for a moment, never breaking that contact. Ben could see the fear and hurt behind those beautiful eyes and wanted to take it anyway. "I don't want this night to ever end."

"You could come with me back to London..." Ben offered, "I know it's selfish to ask something like that of you, but if it'll make you happy and make it so I can keep you." 

Joe smiled sadly, "I have a life here, Ben. I can't just up and leave everything behind. One day, maybe, but not now." 

Ben could take that. It wasn't a no and that was more than anything he could ask for. Moving his body so the two could face each other, he slowly unclasped the necklace around his neck and with a breath presented it to Joe. "I had someone I really cared for once... and they broke my heart. This ring," he showed Joe, "has been a constant reminder to me that I didn't deserve love. That I hadn't tried hard enough to keep her faithful. You broke that cycle for me. The constant cycle of feeling like I would never be good enough." The ring was clenched in his closed hand, trying to forget all the bad memories resurfacing. "So, even if I have to wait years for you. I will because I know you are worth more than I could ever imagine." 

Joe leaned forward and crashed their lips together, Ben being knocked over by the force. Their teeth knocked together and tongues pushed for dominance. This was something much more passionate than the kiss they had shared the other night. Fueled by the ache of Ben's leaving tomorrow and the confession. 

When the pulled away, lips swollen from nips from teeth, Joe looked into Ben's eyes with the most serious luck he had seen on the man's face. "I wanna help you get rid of it." Ben sat there confused for a second before realizing the boy was talking about the ring. 

"Really?"

"I don't want you to ever feel that way again," Joe answered while helping a dazed Ben up. The younger of the two lead them to the water, stopping to only allow the water to crash against their toes. "Any last words?" He asked as they moved further into the water, pulling the leg of their pants once more to avoid getting them wet. 

Ben thought about it. Thinking all the way back to the moment he had first seen the ring in that shop store's window. Remembering all the trouble he had gone through to get it. The anticipation, the excitement, it was all there. Still buried deep in his memory, but still as present as ever. With those memories came memories of her. The way she spoke, almost as if she was talking down to him, the way she avoided his friends like they weren't good enough for her. 

He remembered the look on her face when he caught her, no remorse. She was never sorry, just sorry that she got caught. Screaming did nothing, it didn't make him feel any better screaming into the empty spare room Gwilym had opened to him. Things were thrown at the wall, the paint chipping. 

Gwil never said a word, gathering him quickly into his arms and cradling him while his body shook. The ring had burned from that day on, branding his skin. A constant reminder of her and what she had brought into his life. 

"Twat." 

"Beautiful." The ring was thrown to the sea, the silver gleaming in the moonlight before splashing into the murky sea below. 

It felt as though Ben had a weight lifted from his heart. He could breath again. It almost felt like a child's fairytale. A curse being lifted from his spirit.

Joe turned to face him, pulling him in close with his arms wrapped around his neck. "Does this make me yours or do you have something else to give me before that?" It was suggestive, sending a shiver down his spine. The smirk that played on his lips making Ben feel like he had something to prove. 

"Let me make you mine." 

Ben was the one to close the space between them, kissing Joe with renewed passion. Standing in the water with the moon being the only light between the two. He bit at Joe's bottom lip until a gasp allowed him to push his tongue against Joe's. Dominance was fought for once more, but the younger of the two was losing. Choosing to instead tangle his fingers in blonde locks. 

The waves by now had gotten rougher, letting those who cared know a storm was coming. Weather that be the impending doom of tomorrow or just a freak storm neither cared. When a particularly rough wave knocked the two over, Joe squeaked in shock at the cool water. They ended up falling into the shallow water, Joe splayed on the ground with Ben above him. 

"My clothes are all wet again..." he pouted.

"Let me help you out of those, yeah?" 

The door to the rented beach house was pushed open by two stumbling bodies, Joe's back to the frame before Ben was able to fully open the door. Strong arms kept the smaller boy from falling as wondering hands explored under drenched shirts while trembling finger clenched at wet locks. 

Ben pulled away first, his hands still pressed flat against Joe's back sending shivers down his spine. The contrast between his cooling clothes and Ben's warm hands sending his body into a pleasant shock. Joe whines at the loss of lips on his, giving Ben a displeased look.

"May I?"

The younger boy practically growled in annoyance at Ben's smugness. He took a step back and tried his best to wiggle himself from his shirt with a huff. Ben stepped forward and helped pull the offending garment over his head, chuckling at the sigh that was released from the other. 

Joe made quick work at pulling Ben's shirt over his head, pulling and tugging until it finally came over his head and was thrown with their other clothes. He would have started to shiver at the chill in the room, but the heat from Ben's body kept him warm. 

Soft whines escaped from the smaller boy when lips connected to bare flesh. Lips sucking hickeys into column of his throat. The skin tasting of the salt from the sea. His adam's apple bobbed at the force of him trying to swallow back every moan that fought to lip between parted lips. 

"Don't hold back. I want to hear you, Love." Ben muttered near his ear, his breath hot against the side of his neck. He went back to marking Joe up, making sure every inch of his body remembered him when he was back in London. 

Trembling hands fell from pulling at locks of hair, still dripping with water, down to the top of soaked jeans. Joe tried to focus on working the button open and pulling the zipper down, but was all too distracted with Ben who was biting the sensitive skin at his jaw. A moan being ripped from his throat when teeth scraped the skin where his neck and chin met. 

Joe, with some help, finally opened the front of Ben's jeans and worked them down his legs. Using the belt loops as leverage, he dragged the fabric down tone legs. He was shocked when he noticed Ben had chosen to not wear boxers. 

A ramble that resembled a chuckle deep in his throat erupted from the older man, pulling away to kiss Joe's nose. "Didn't want to get them wet. Hassle really." 

They dropped, being kicked away. Ben quickly got Joe out of his pants and moved them towards the decent sized bed passed against the wall. He laid him down like something delicate. Like he was afraid Joe could shatter and break at any moment. 

Their lips met again, Ben climbing on top Joe. Hands were planted on their side of the younger boy, arms wrapped around his neck to pull him down to the ginger. Hips moved against each other, pushing their cocks together and giving each other that little bit of friction they both craved. 

When Ben pulled away again, Joe didn't hold back his whine. Chasing after the boy until he couldn't reach him from where he laid. "Wait." 

"What now?" Joe huffed.

"I wanna take things slow with you, Love. Let me worship you, yeah?" 

Joe had never, in all his years, had someone ask to do something like that. Everyone he had slept with had wanted to just fuck and get it over with, no feelings, and they definitely never took their time. This was a whole new experience.

"... ok." 

And that's all Ben needed before he dipped his head down to lay a much softer kiss on Joe's lips. He moved slowly, kissing from the top of his head starting with Joe's forehead all the way down. Lips, chin, throat, down his chest. Joe withered under him, wanting some kind of friction. He pushed his hips up, but Ben kept him from moving with a firm hand. 

He sucked and bit a trail down to the top of his hips, leaning back to look at his handy work. Joe looked absolutely beautiful with the beginnings of hickeys starting to form all over the skin he loved so much. Crawling further down the to seat himself in between the young boy's legs, he pulled one leg up from under his knee. The ginger blushed, embarrassed at being displayed like this for the first time. Feeling vulnerable and so very exposed. 

Teeth grazed the inside of his thigh and he couldn't stop himself from arching his back. Ben slowly bite and sucked his way to the aching cock between Joe's legs, ignoring the hardened flesh completely and gently laying the leg he was holding down on the mattress. Bring the other up, he gave the same attention to this leg as the other. Slow and gentle to drive Job absolutely crazy. 

"Ben, please." The breathy plea had a smirk spreading to the blonde's face. 

"Please what, Love. Use your words." He sucked the sensitive skin on Joe's thigh, loving the way his back arched.

"Do... do something. Anything. Please touch me." 

"Of course, Love." He choose not to tease Joe any longer, seeing the tears welling up in his eyes. 

Ben laid the leg he was holding down gently before taking the twitching cock between the ginger's legs into his hand. A few experimental strokes later, he gripped the base as his lips closed around the tip. Joe's back arched and his fingers tangled in the older boy's hair. A whimper left between his lips when he was engulfed further into the scolding heat around him, almost losing it when he felt Ben swallow around him. 

Curses spilled out between parted lips along with Ben's name, coming out as a chant. Ben loved every second of it, the sound of Joe moaning his name ringing in his ears. He pulled almost completely off the weeping cock between his lips, hallowing out his cheeks and sinking down to the curly ginger hairs around the base. The heels of Joe's feel dug into the mattress, his fingers of his free hand clenching the sheet beneath him. He couldn't stop himself from guiding Ben on his cock, the view almost as beautiful as the sound of him taking all of him at once. 

Ben pulled away, giving a kiss to the tip before licking the underside of his cock. Licking from base to tip before sucking on the prominent vein. Joe was gasping and pleading below him, rocking his hips. Using the leverage he had he guided Ben back to the tip and nearly screamed when he hollowed out his cheeks once more and took him all at once. Pulling at Ben's hair to get him to move just a little faster, trying not to rock his hips and cause Ben to choke. 

They stayed like this for awhile, Ben giving Joe the most drawn out blow job he had ever received before he was practically crying. He could feel his orgasm building, but every time he was close Ben would pull completely off watching his chest heave until he calmed down enough to go right back to what he was doing. It was absolute torture and Joe loved it. 

"Baby, we have a bit of a problem. I don't have any-" 

"M-my bag. Fuck, in my bag Ben. Please." 

The bed shifted as Ben got up to rummage through the bag Rami had packed, finding a wide variety of condoms and lube. Making a mental note to comment on that later, he moved back to the bed to Joe who was watching his. Looking absolutely desperate at this point. 

The cap snapped open and then he was lubing up his finger, ready to open Joe up nice and slow. A finger pushing up against his entrance had Joe breathing a sigh of relief. He couldn't handle anymore of this torture. The finger pushed into him slowly, pushing and pulling at his muscles until he was loose enough for another. That finger never came, instead, he felt Ben wrap his hand around his cock once more. Stroking him in time with his finger, driving Joe completely wild.

"Please Ben, no more teasing." The plea was weak, Joe barely being able to talk from being so utterly desperate. 

"Let me take care of you, Baby." Was the response pushed up against his ear making his whole body break into goosebumps. The hand on his cock moved with new purpose and another finger was added, the digits starting to scissor him open. 

Joe was a moaning mess, whimpering and begging. Gibberish was the only thing leaving between his parted lips. He couldn't form a sentence or think. The ginger was so close at this point, but he was afraid Ben would stop once he saw his cock twitch and his body start to quiver for the force of his orgasm.

This time, though, Ben allowed the boy to cum. Spurting ribbons of cum up onto his stomach and on Ben's hand. The fingers inside him were pulled out, a whimper escaping from Joe who was trying to catch his breath. Ben cleaned his hand by wiping it on the sheet that had already slipped half way off the bed. 

"How was that, Love? You alright? We can stop if you want." 

"Just fuck me already, damnit." Joe groaned. His cock already twitching with interest. 

The older boy merely chuckled, sliding the condom over his neglected cock. Stroking himself to make sure he was nice and slick. He lined himself up, pausing to make sure Joe was sure. Joe responded by pulling him down for another kiss. 

Ben sank into Joe painfully slow, inch by inch to make sure it wouldn't be too much. Whispering praises into Joe's hair, feeling the hands gripping his shoulders tighten and a sharp breath pass between his lovers lips. 

"Baby, you're doing great. You take me so well. Look at you. So, beautiful taking my cock. So, beautiful Baby." Each sentence was broken, but finished with a kiss. A kiss to the top of his head, nose, lips, against his ear. It made Joe whimper, thankful for every word. It had been awhile since he had actually slept with someone and even longer since he bottomed, almost forgetting the feeling entirely. His thoughts were jumbled and thoughts, only being able to focus on the cock stretching him open. It was an amazing feeling he knew he wouldn't forget soon. 

When Ben finally bottomed out he didn't move, keeping his hips still. He made sure Joe was ok, seeing his eyes clenched shut and feeling his nails bite into the skin on his shoulder. He could wait, he could wait for as long as Joe needed him too. Never wanting to push the boy further than what he was ready for. 

A minute went by with Ben staying completely still, continuing to whisper praise into Joe's ears. Letting him know just how good he was and how proud he was. It took another minute for Joe's body to stop shaking from the pleasure washing over his body. "Move," he choked. Ben didn't need to be told twice.

He pulled out until just the tip rested at the ring of muscle. Shallow thrusts had Joe gasping, rocking his hips to try and get Ben to sink further into the tight heat surrounding him. A hand just below his belly button stopped him from moving. "Let me take care of you, Baby." 

He continued to tease the boy beneath him, never sinking further than an inch or two before pulling back until the tip was just holding that tight ring open. Joe whined, wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy's neck and burrowing his head as close as he could into the crock of his neck. "Ben, please. Please." 

Ben stopped teasing after that, hearing how desperate Joe was. His voice so close made Ben groan, finally sinking home once more. He started off at a slow pace, getting used to the heat around him before picking up speed. Legs locked around his hips, Joe rocking into Ben. The sound of their moans filled the room, the bed creaking softly in the small room. 

The older boy could feel himself getting close, so he set himself on finding that wonderful bundle of nerves that would send Joe wailing. It didn't long before he found it, getting the hint when Joe snapped his hips forward and practically screamed. From that point on he kept pounding at that spot, feeling Joe start to tighten up around him.

They came together, Ben biting into his shoulder to silence himself while Joe wailed. Painting the two in cum before he was finished. The blonde rolled over, tying up the condom and throwing it somewhere around the room. He got up to get a wash cloth to clean Joe up with before plopping back down on the bed, pulling the half sleep boy closer. 

"I love you, Joe."

"I love you too, Ben."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be ready for the next chapter... Ben has to go back to London. I’m so ready to write this depressing shit. I promise I love these boys I just need the drama all this fluff is rotting my teeth.


	9. Saying Hello Was Much Easier Than This Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short and I know I’m sorry, but the next one is gonna be longer. I already have that planned out so I should be able to update tomorrow or Wednesday.

Fighting off sleep never seemed so hard, Joe's eyelids fluttering. The warmth that settled around him didn't help much, pulling him further into the world of dreams. Where no one could bother them. Strong arms were wrapped protectively around his waist, Ben's chin rested on top of messy ginger locks. A hand came up to rest of top of Ben's, he squeezed. Afraid if he let go Ben would disappear right before his eyes. 

It hurt, knowing they had become so close only for Ben to have to go back. His comment last night not helping Joe's aching heart. There was no way he could ask Ben to give up everything for him. No matter how much it would hurt to see him go, he could never do that to someone he cared about so much. So, he held onto this moment instead. Listening to the blonde's relaxed breathing behind him and the feeling of their bodies pressed together. Joe felt safe, having strong arms wrapped so tightly around him. 

Sleep made his eyelids droop further, his eyes practically closed at this point. He decided to shift in the arms around him to keep himself awake a bit longer. Facing Ben, he could see just how beautiful he looked even with the minimal light streaming in from the window above the bed. His features were so soft, all the stressing melting from his person. Lips were swollen and his hair was an absolute mess from all his pulling. 

A sad smile etched into his features, tracing Ben's jaw. Then his lips, his nose, and then down to his adam's apple. Joe would miss him. The way he laughed, his smile, the look in he gave every time their eyes met. He would miss the surprises, the late night talks, and the way the world faded around them. Not a care in the world when he was with Ben, and he was so very thankful for that.

If someone had told Joe a month ago he would be able to save money instead of living paycheck to paycheck, or that he would have been able to go to the Golden Globes, or that he would have fall for a stranger. He would have laughed right in their face before sliding them their coffee and hoping they liked the taste of paper from the straw he gave them. 

He had never been more happy or thankful for anything in his whole life. Joe was so very thankful for the people in his life. From his sister who helped him fight for his dreams, to Gwilym who made sure he gave the dorky blonde another chance, to Rami who had been there for him since the day he arrived on campus, to Lucy who made his friend so very happy when he deserved it most. It would have to thank them all. Doing something special for all of them. 

A yawn was forced out of him and he knew he wouldn't be able to fight off sleep any longer. Burying his head into the crook of Ben's neck, he sighed deeply at the scent that greeted him. It was sea water and something, just, so Ben. He loved it all the same though. Falling asleep as soon as he allowed his eyes to close. 

When he woke up, Joe shifted around and noticed the body that had been next to him was gone. The warmth in the bed missing. The ginger shot up from the bed, panicked. Did Ben regret last night? Had he said something wrong? Maybe the blonde wasn't ready for 'I Love You's'... but that couldn't be right he had said it first. 

"Joe, baby. What's wrong, Love." The sound of Ben's concerned voice helped him relax a little bit. 

Ben was standing at the open door, fresh clothes on and two bags in his hand. He smiled softly before setting the bags down and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. 

"I thought... maybe you left without telling me." Joe muttered, looking away almost as if being ashamed for thinking that way. 

"No, of course not, Love. I had to run and get us some clean clothes and get some breakfast." He moved towards the first bag and took out a t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of boxers. "Hope you don't mind wearing my clothes. I wasn't too keen on bothering Rami early in the morning."

Joe snorted, completely relaxed again. "I'm sure he appreciated the thought. Rami is not exactly a morning person." 

Ben laughed and Joe thought he'd like to hear him again as much as possible before he left. He ignored his thoughts that reminded him of the impending doom and instead leaned forward to give Ben a quick peak. The other boy smiled and returned the favor, before moving to grab the other bag.

"Breakfast is served, Love." Joe flattened his legs against the mattress and Ben laid his food out there. It was just a simple bagel and cream cheese with a kids sized orange juice. It was cute. 

"Breakfast in bed? You spoil me, dear." They shared another laugh before Joe moved over for Ben to be able to slid in next to him. 

They ate breakfast in silence, enjoying each other's company far more than words could describe. Ben slid his hand over Joe's, giving it a firm squeeze before leaving it there while they ate. He wished he could take Joe with him or stay in LA, but there was no way he could do that without giving up everything he had worked so hard for. In another life, he thought, it may be easier for them to be together. But, here, now, it was much harder with his job and Joe's schooling. 

He meant it though. If Joe asked him to give up everything for him, he would. Modeling wasn't his favorite thing to do, but he could move to LA and keep modeling until that fizzled out and he could found something else. Anything to be with Joe, who was starting to become his world. It would be strange not having the ginger be just a call away anymore. Time difference would make that much harder for them and who knows with his crazy schedule if he'd be able to come back to Joe before the half way mark of the year hit. 

It wasn't fair of him to ask Joe to wait for him, but he couldn't let him go. Call him selfish, but Joe was everything he had ever hoped for and he wouldn't be letting that go unless the other wanted him to. Love worked in strange ways like that. 

When they finished eating, Ben moved them so they could cuddle up on the bed. His arms wrapped around the boy who leaned himself onto the chest below him. They both could feel the impending goodbye looming over them. It would be so hard to let each other go.

"I'm gonna miss you, Love." Joe tucked his head under Ben's chin, staring at their mess of clothes. He could have laughed at the memories of their splash war or the blanket they had ruined or even how they ended up soaking their spare clothes, but the memories reminded him he wouldn't be doing this again for awhile. 

"I don't want to let you go, Ben. And I know that's so selfish, but I've never had someone care so much about me like you do." Joe chuckled sadly, "sorry this sounds so corny."

"It's not corny if that's how you really feel. I feel the same about you, Joe." His finger drew circles into Joe's arm, trying to soothe the boy. "I told you, if you asked me to I'd give it all up to stay." 

Joe shook his head, "that wouldn't be right of me to do to you. Just promise you'll come back to me." 

"Of course, Love." 

They laid like that for as long as they could, Ben leaning against the wall to better hold onto Joe while the smaller boy snuggled up to him. Before they knew it, though, it was time for them to pack up and leave. Taking their time as they gathered sea salt and sand covered clothes. Packing up the car as slow as they could, but not slow enough for them. Ben offered to drive Joe back to the dorms, but he refused. Saying he wanted to spend as much as time possible together before he boarded the plane. 

They showered back at Ben's hotel room, wondering hands and desperate moans spilling from between the two. Joe stole more of Ben's clothes, claiming he needed something until Ben got back to him. The blonde didn't mind, offering up his whole wardrobe to the boy who refused. He couldn't possibly. An outfit or two worked fine with him.

Packing up Ben's room was easy seeing as he spent no time there. All his clothes were mostly packed in his suitcase, the only thing not packed away being toiletries and dirty clothes that were thrown around the room. So, when they were done they were able to relax on the hotel's bed. This mattress much more comfortable than the one they slept on. 

"Ben, did you finish packing yet?" Gwilym knocked, interrupting their movie and cuddle time. The giant nearly cooed seeing the two laying in each other's arms. Taking a picture before the two could stop him. "Hey Luce, come and look at the two lovebirds." Two pillows were thrown his way, ducking both before Luce stepped into the room with Rami following close behind. 

"Looks like someone got dicked down." Another pillow was thrown with an annoyed yell and a red face while Ben chuckled. 

"Alright you two, leave them alone." Lucy quipped from next to Gwilym. They started to pile out of the room, Lucy being the last out. As she was closing the door she said sadly, "we're leaving in a few minutes for the airport, Benny." Before softly closing the door and leaving the two alone. 

They laid there in silence for a minute before Ben spoke up, "come with me."

"You know I can't."

"Then let me stay." 

"Ben, please. Don't make this any harder than it has to be"

Joe sat up and pushed himself off the bed, looking at Ben with a sad smile. "Let me take you to the airport. We can say goodbye there." 

Ben opened his mouth to say something but chose not to, deciding to follow the boy to the door pulling his suitcase. They left his room and walked slowly towards the elevator, not saying a word. Holding hands and walking as close to each other as they could. Words couldn't describe how much they'd miss each other.

It didn't matter how long they had known each other. What they had wasn't apart of a child's fairytale or some romance novel. It was beautiful and their's. Something you only experience once in a lifetime and that's why it was so hard to let each other go .

The group didn't talk much, packing their things into two different cabs that would be taking them to the airport. The air surrounding them was heavy, but no one commented on it. Ben and Joe rode together, Gwilym letting the two have time together alone and sliding into a cab with Rami and Lucy. Joe rested his head on Ben's shoulder, their hands held as tight as they could. 

They arrived at the airport far sooner than Joe liked, the two parting only for Ben to grab his belongings and fall beside Joe once more. The group walked as far as they could together, before they got to the security check point. 

Gwilym took Rami into his arms and gave him a quick hug, saying they had to meet up to drink again before the shorter boy stepped away and gathered Lucy up in his arms. He made her laugh with jokes hoping to keep her from crying. They would see each other again, as soon as she was back in LA they promised. 

Joe says goodbye to Gwilym, thanking him for everything and promising to pay him back for all he has done. The taller boy refused, Joe didn't owe him a thing but the smaller boy didn't agree so Gwilym let it go. Then he pulled away and turned to Ben, who was waiting patiently for their final goodbye. 

Ben wrapped his arms around Joe, pulling him into the tightest hug. They stayed like that, Joe's arms wrapped around his neck. His face buried deep into the crook of his neck. Finger's buried themselves in ginger locks, holding Joe as close as Ben possibly could. "I love you." The older of the two whispered repeatedly into the others ear, squeezing him as tight as he could. 

"Call me when you get home?" It was so quiet Ben almost didn't hear it. A small smile etched itself into his face, kissing the top of Joe's head. 

"Of course, Love. And you can text me whenever you want no matter what time. I'll always be there when you need me." 

It felt like only seconds, but minutes had gone by. The others not saying a word and turning away to give the two privacy. It was hard, letting each other go. Joe thought nothing could have been harder.

That was before he had to watch Ben's back disappear, suitcase rolling behind him. Ben looked back, sending him a sad smile before he turned back and walked away. Joe's heart had never ached like this before, almost sending him into tears. 

The two left, riding in silence back to their dorm. Joe looking on in the distance at nothing in particular. His phone never felt so weighted before in his pocket. Waiting for Ben to let him know he made it safe. 

Minutes turned to hours, waiting until his body grew too tired to stay awake. Wrapping himself up in his arms to protect him from the impending doom that would meet him when he awoke. The realization that Ben had really gone, back to London where he couldn't kiss him or hold his hand. 

It was stupid for him to feel this way. Like he was a teenage girl in high school waiting for her crush to text her back. He felt silly feeling so... empty when him and Ben had barely known each other a week. The people around him must think he's crazy. Wanting and loving a man he barely knew. 

But, with Ben it didn't feel that way. He couldn't understand it. When they talked it was like talking to an old friend and being with the older boy made him relax completely, not worried about the rest of the world. How could someone make you feel like that? It made no sense. 

Joe checked his phone once more and, upon seeing the same photo of the two on their second date Ben had taken light up on his screen, let out a defeated sigh. He tried to close his eyes and get some sleep before class, but no matter how hard he tried all he could think of was Ben. Nervous about him on the plane even if he knew it was very unlikely something would happen. He couldn't fight the self doubt that the older boy would want to wait for him. Anxiety ate away at every inch of his being, he wasn't good enough, Ben would find a beautiful actress to take his place, there's no way he's gay or bi or fuck even liked him. 

Physically trying to catch his breath, Joe tried his best to calm himself before he woke Rami from his sleep. His breathing erratic and his heart thumping loudly in his ears. All he wanted was for Ben to be there, to be wrapped up in strong arms and to have the blonde kiss away all his insecurities. 

"I can't believe this bloody plane won't let me send texts." Ben sat in his seat by the window, Gwilym needing the aisle considering he was much taller than the other two, and huffed at his phone that refused to send the heart wrenching love letter to Joe. At least he thought it was heart wrenching. 

"I'm sure Joe will be just fine without you until you land." Gwilym spoke soft as to not wake Lucy who had fallen asleep against his shoulder. The poor girl had been visibly upset, barely speaking to the two before quietly sitting in her seat and making herself as small as she could. The boys tried to make her laugh or even smile, but nothing seemed to work. So, they left her be while she watched a movie with her earbuds in, quickly falling asleep soon after. 

"How do you know? He seemed so upset earlier Gwil. I just don't want him to think I don't want him anymore." He sighed, leaning his head against the window, "I don't know what it is about him, but he's just so perfect and I really don't want to lose him." 

The brunette laid a hand on the top of Ben's knee, smiling softly. "I know, Ben. You won't lose him over something like this. Joe isn't a petty person or very needy. Just relax and you two will be able to talk in no time."

"Thanks Gwil."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said I know this one is shorter but I do have and idea for the next one so it’ll be nice and long. 
> 
>  
> 
> I’m warning you now... BRING TISSUES.


	10. It’s All Falling Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this one is enough to satisfy you guys. I know it’s not super long but i’ve been having a bit of writers block so this chapter had come to me REALLY SLOW. I hope you guys like it anyway... and I’m sorry in advance

Joe almost had a heart attack when his phone did finally vibrate, his half asleep mind not ready for the sudden vibration. He quickly reached out with his heart still pounding in his chest with a wide smile spreading across his face seeing Ben's name. 

Benny ⭐️⛸🏝  
Made it home. Call me? 

He quickly snatched up a pair of headphones tangled on the floor, ran his fingers though his hair a few times, and rolled onto his stomach so his phone could lean against his pillow. Trying his best to ignore the way his eyes looked slightly sunken in from lack of sleep. When Ben answered the phone he swore his heart started to beat faster if possible. 

"Hey, Love." Ben looked exhausted. Usually he was so well kept, but his hair was a mess sticking up here and there. Clothes were rumpled and he looked like he hadn't slept a wink on the plane. 

"Hey," Joe smiled his eyes showing just how tired he really was. 

"Did I wake you? I can always call you in the morning..." 

"No, no it's ok. I just wanted to hear your voice." His voice was barely over a whisper, trying not to wake Rami. The older boy's smile making his exhaustion worth it. 

"Well I don't want to keep you up too long, you have class in the morning." Ben was carrying his things up to his flat, setting his things down to unlock the door before stepping inside and rolling his suitcase behind him. It felt lonely, much lonelier than he remembered it being. Maybe he should invest in a pet. 

"I can't sleep..." he admitted. His voice sounding so small to Ben. "Would you... mind just talking until I fall asleep?"

Ben chuckled softly, "of course, Love. Anything for you." 

Stories were passed to Joe through his headphones, listening and holding onto every syllable Ben spoke. It wasn't the same as having him here. Being able to play with his hair like he always did that put Joe to sleep almost instantly. But, this would just have to do. It was better than trying to fall asleep in complete silence. 

Ben went on to unpack, telling Joe all about the stupid things him and Gwilym used to do when still in their high school days. A weak laugh was passed through his phone every so often, letting him know Joe was still awake, but not for much longer. If he could have one wish right now it would have been to be cuddled up with Joe right now, batting away all the wondering thoughts that kept him from sleep. For now, this would have to do.

It seemed to do the trick after awhile, hearing soft breathing from the other side of the phone. It was soothing, to hear Joe finally give in to sleep. Ben hoped the boy wouldn't be too tired for class, knowing all to well what little sleep and morning classes were like.

"Goodnight, Love. Sweet dreams," he softly whispered, "I'll be back to you before you know it." 

Joe was a walking zombie the next day, shuffling his feet and glaring at anything that moved. The bags under his eyes felt like weights, his body felt heavy and all he wanted to do was crawl under his covers and sleep the rest of the century away. Don't get him wrong, having Ben there had helped him finally sleep and he did sleep like a baby after that. But, waking up three hours later to whatever musical Rami had blaring to wake himself up didn’t help his mood. 

Rolling out of his bed and crashing to the floor, bumping his head on their messy floor. Nothing like waking up to dirty socks in your face, especially ones that aren't your own. Rami had faced the wrath of Joe in the morning many times at this point, but not as sleep deprived as this. Having to the deal with Joe grumbling at him for leaving a mess on the floor, slamming his books around looking for the paper he had sloppily written, and his biting comments all the way to class. 

That was the first of many sleepless nights for Joe, wanting to stay up to be able to talk to Ben whenever the other could. Unfortunately, as time went on it became even harder for the two to find time to talk, life seeming to always get in the way. Joe was swamped once more with coursework and with midterms fast approaching he didn’t have the energy to stay awake or the time to interrupt his studying to talk to Ben when the boy settled into bed. Not only that, but he was still working on top of it all. There just wasn’t time for them right now. 

Ben didn’t mind, he understood how school can be demanding on your time and money can get tight. Still going out of his way to remember to send Joe a text around the time the ginger would wake up or settle into bed after long hours of studying and worrying over midterms. 

His life wasn’t any less hectic anyway making their schedules even harder to match up. Filming had picked up for his next big project meaning long hours on set, practicing his lines, and dealing with snobby co-stars who made snide comments about him and Joe. He knew better than to let it bother him. Let them talk and say what they like, he knew who Joe was and what their relationship was. Hollywood couldn’t put a label on them as long as they ripped that label able when they tried. 

When they were able to talk Ben noticed the sunken from exhaustion eyes and the constant yawning. The ginger looked like a mess, but adorable all the same. And while Ben noticed this, Joe noticed how Ben seemed to relax over their call. Like a spring finally being released as his shoulders finally sagged and his features held an easy smile. It wasn’t hard to remember why he loved this man, not for his talent or a cent in his pocket. His personality shined through even after hours of set or the short moments between his breaks he was able to talk in his little trailer. Someone would always interrupt them, Ben apologizing profusely before Joe hushed him and let him go with an ‘I love you’ full of as much emotion as the first time they said it. 

Ben would promise he would be back soon, ‘back home’ he would say. Joe would laugh softly and his heart would pound just a beat harder at the thought of being held by Ben again. They both knew it wouldn’t be possible for awhile, not until midterms for Joe were over and filming slowed for Ben enough for him to leave for a few days at the very least. It wasn’t easy, but the two made it work. 

The last time they were able to speak before both had been absolutely swamped with work, Ben had set up the living room of his flat with the same fairy lights as their second date, printing pictures from all three days and hanging them behind him for Joe to see. It wasn’t for any special reason, just to remind the ginger he wouldn’t let what they had did anytime soon no matter how long he had to wait. 

Joe’s face light up in the brightest smile he had ever seen, our shining the stars by far. It was beautiful and worth all the work he had gone through throughout the day. 

“Good evening, Lovie.” Ben smiled sweetly, settling into the stool for his high top table. He set his computer down on the table’s surface where Joe could still see all his hard work. 

Joe looked exhausted, but the smile seemed to break that up. Another long day of studying had left him a yawning mess with the dark circles framing his already tired eyes. Ben loved him all the same. 

“Wow, what’s the occasion? It’s beautiful.” 

“No occasion just wanted to show my appreciation to you.” Ben laid his chin on his arm, relaxing his body. The ginger moved so his computer was set up at his messier than ever desk, trying to hide the mess from Ben but failing. Never really minding the mess, Ben could care less as long as he got to see Joe. “How was class?”

“Hell, I can’t wait for midterms to be over. After that it’s a nice two week vacation for me.” A sigh was released between his lips. Not knowing how he had survived studying this long on uncooked ramen noodles and the free coffee his boss allowed him to have when he decided to stay late at the cafe to study after his shift. 

“Really? The crew is suppose to be getting a break in the next few weeks if the time matches up.” The two smiled excitedly at each other, thrilled at the talk of finally being able to be together after almost three months of just FaceTiming or Skyping. 

“That would be... amazing Ben.” He couldn’t take his eyes of the younger boy who looked so much more alive at the mention of their possible meeting. 

“I would kiss you right now if I could.” Ben had mumbled to himself, but Joe heard anyway. 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself lover boy. Who says I’d let a creep kiss me?”

Ben scoffed in fake hurt, his hand flying to his chest and his mouth opened comically wide. “Baby how could you? Creep?” He scoffed again, his head snapping in every direction than back to the screen at the almost hysterical Joe. “Me? I mean I have never! In all my years!” 

Ben broke character, joining Joe in easy laughter. He was glad he had been the other laugh, sounding like he needed it all too much. They went on to talk a bit more about Joe’s midterms which, Joe responded by showing Ben all his study notes and Ben promised to kidnap the poor college boy so he would never have to read ye old English again. 

The older boy spoke about the film they were walking on, Joe eating up every detail and promising to watch it as soon as it was finally premiered. It was exciting hearing all about the hard work and effort put into making your favorite show. Makeup, costumes, doing take after take, and of course the drama. Ben avoided talking about drama, never wanting to bring the mood down with unnecessary negativity. 

When Joe had yawned for the umpteenth time, Ben chuckled. “Bed time, Love. Give that big brain a rest and I’ll talk to you again when I can.” The younger of the two nodded tiredly, barely being able to speak through his uncontrollable yawning. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Benny.” 

Midterms were in the next few days which meant getting in those last few hours of studying before it was too late. As much as Joe hated the thought of drinking coffee at close to midnight, there wasn’t much he could do if he wanted to stay awake. He was going over another formula he had been drilling into his head for the past few hours, sipping on his almost black coffee and silently thanking his boss for letting him stay later. 

Things had calmed right before his shift, meaning he was able to sit at one of the tables a few minutes before his shift was over. Not seeing the sweet old lady didn’t alarm him, knowing she may have had something to do or maybe she had decided to go off to bed early that night. Spending every night watching over him study for hours until she kicked him out must have become boring.

He shrugged it off and went back to working until the late hours became the early hours of the morning and his eyes could barely stay open. Shuffling all the way to his dorm room and collapsing on his bed, falling asleep instantly. 

The next few days at work happened practically the same way, becoming more worried not seeing the sweet lady as the week went on. Friday, he had finally stopped one of his coworkers to ask if they knew anything about why she wasn’t there. The older women had never been away from her little shop for this long before since he had started working there. It worried him deeply not having her around.

His coworker had let him know when she had come in for her shift a few days ago the women hadn’t been feeling good and had been up in her little apartment above the shop ever since. He did feel a little better knowing the younger girl had seen her shuffle down the stairs to check up on the store for as long as she could stand before shuffling back up to her little home. With his worries melted away, he went back to freaking out about midterms. 

The studying had kicked his ass, but it all paid off when he saw that he had not only passed but had one of the highest grades in his classes. He all but skipped to work that day, planning on telling Ben the good news later on when he was able to talk that night. Unfortunately, things would begin to go down hill from there. 

A crowd was surrounding the cafe, this wouldn’t have been a problem if it weren’t the middle of the day and police vehicles weren’t parked out front. His skip turned into a curious walk, wondering what had happened on their boring campus to cause such a ruckus. 

His mouth dried and his breathing stopped when he saw two people carrying a body bag out for the tiny cafe. Something had happened, something bad. Dread filled his system and he frantically asked for answers. No one seemed to know, the crowding had been the people who were in the cafe before whatever had happened, happened and their friends who had found out about the incident from someone. 

Joe had finally gotten answers from the same coworker he had spoke to this morning. Her hair was half way out of the tight bun she always left it in for work, glasses off, and her makeup smeared from crying. All he got from her sobbing was, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” Gathering her up in his arms and rocking her until her sobbing slowed.

“It’s ok... it’s ok. What happened?” He asked softly, pushing the hair that had gathered around her face behind her ear. 

“She... was sick.” She started through sniffles, trying to calm herself enough to speak. “I didn’t know that she...” another wave of tears started fall. “I didn’t know she wasn’t breathing, Joe.“ 

“Who, Marie, who wasn’t breathing?” He could barely find his voice, speaking just above a breath. That feeling of dread came back and he prayed she wouldn’t say what his mind was screaming.

“Ms. Rosie... she wasn’t breathing Joe. I-I went up to check on her since she didn’t come down like she did yesterday and she wasn’t breathing.” A new fit of sobs racked the girls body and Joe had to swallow more than once to fit back the tears. “I called an 911 as soon as I realized she wasn’t breathing, but... it was too late.” 

The body bag was her. In that stuffy body bag was the women who had given him everything. The same old women who had treated him as her own son was gone and he didn’t do a thing to stop it. Why hadn’t he checked on her yesterday after his shift? If he just checked on her she would still be breathing. 

Shock, he was in complete shock. Joe felt frozen, his breathing erratic, and his mouth drying. She couldn’t possibly be gone... right? It was all just a sick joke. He would wake up from his nightmare and be in his bed ready to take his midterm. Pinching his arm, Joe realized this was no dream nor a sick joke. This was real and she was gone. 

Pushing through the crowd, Joe practically sprinted from the cafe. A few stopped to stare at him with curious eyes while others were filming the poor women’s covered body be closed away in a van. It was sick what this generation was. 

Joe threw the door opened and slammed it behind him, barely being able to catch his breath. Forehead met wood, resting there for a second to allow racing thoughts to crash into the wood. That was just seconds before he let out an angry yell, pushing away from the door. Things were thrown with as much force as Joe could muster all around the room. Clothes went flying, picture frames crashed to the floor, and bottles from alcohol they snuck in were shattered against the force. He almost threw the last picture frame on his desk before he stopped himself.

That picture had been the picture Rami, Joe, and the sweet old lady had taken together when the two boys had finally convinced her. Her smile was wide and his arm had been wrapped around her slim waist. She looked so healthy here, young. How could she just have gone like that? Why didn’t she ask for help? He placed the photo face down in its frame, walking to the small bathroom and locking himself inside. 

That’s how Rami had found him. Coming back from his last class, he opened the door to see the room in complete shambles and the unmistakable smell of beer and vodka mixed in the air. He quickly closed the door to their room, frantically calling Joe’s name. News had spread quickly about the cafe being closed down for the day, ignoring the rumors about why he figured Joe would be back to their dorm by now. The boy being no where in sight frightened Rami. 

He called Joe’s phone and found that laying on the floor stuffed in the pocket of the ginger’s favorite jacket. Joe would never leave without his phone, knowing how paranoid Rami was about him being safe. Quickly surveying the room, the darker skinned boy noticed the bathroom door closed and let a sigh of relief out.

“Joe, you had me scared shitless. Why didn’t you answer me?” No answer. Rami had been dealing with an extreme sleep deprived Joe, but he would at least bite something back at him never leave him in silence. Leaning so his ear was pressed against the door, he tried once more. “What’s wrong Joe? Did you not score good on your midterm.” Still nothing.

“You know it’s not that bad. We all know you’re the smartest person in those classes anyway. So what if you flunked the midterm? Still gives us a reason to get drunk off our minds, yeah?” 

Rami had to press his ear harder against the door just to be able to hear the soft shuffle from behind the wood. Joe was oddly quiet and it was scaring him. The ginger had his moments, but nothing like this. Maybe something serious had happened at work? Nothing he could think of would shock Joe into silence. 

“Joe, please... you’re scaring me.”

“Just leave me alone.” A muffled reply came. Still not knowing if he should sigh in relief or be even more scared, he didn’t really know what to do at this point. 

So, he sat and waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry!! I loved her but... we needed to stir the pot a little bit! Next chapter won’t be any happier... just get some ice cream and tissues


	11. Keep Crashing Till The Parties Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tissues at the ready? good. 
> 
> I really hope I’m not giving Joe the ‘Mary Sue’ treatment. I’m honestly trying my best to go off personal experiences. 
> 
> Anyway I really hope you guys like this one. I’m going to try and get Ben back into the mix but I don’t really plan chapters out I kinda just get an idea and run with it.

"You've all put a lot of hard work and time into this show and I'm proud of every one of you." The director started, standing in the rented out part of the bar. A toast held high in his hand, eyes all on him. "We've made it! The first season is completed and we even were picked up for a second season." The crowd cheered to that, clinking their glasses with the people around them. "I'll see you all back on set in a few weeks. Get some rest, practice your lines, and enjoy the break. I'm gonna need all of you well rested. Anyway, to us!" 

"To us!" The room erupted into cheers once more, glasses clinked and drinks were quickly swallowed down. Ben sat near the back of the room, not caring much for the celebration, but resting easy at the realization his break would match up with Joe's spring break. Glancing at his phone, he still hadn't received a text from Joe, but he just assumed the boy may be busy. He shrugged it off and took a sip from his glass, planning on going home sooner rather than later. 

He hoped now that Joe had finished his midterms he would be able to talk before he eventually fell asleep. Knowing the boy would be excited to share his results. Ben had noticed how hard the boy had studied and couldn't imagine him getting anything less than a perfect grade. A small smile spread across his face and he hid it behind his wine glass, taking a sip and relaxing. 

Joe sat with his knees pulled tight to his chest and his back against the door. His head was held in his hands, trying to push the wave of thoughts crashing into him from all directions. Thoughts of how things could have been different if he had done things differently. If he visited her everyday. Even checking on her knowing she was sick... he could have saved her. 

What would happen now? She already lost so much who would be left to make sure she was properly buried and what if she didn't want to be buried? So many questions were running through his head he couldn't think or concentrate. His breathing was still heavy from his fit and the anxiety of the situation, making his chest hurt. Feeling lightheaded, he leaned his head back against the door, praying Rami had left so he could truly be alone. 

A knock at the door told him he wasn't alone, but the knock didn't echo through the bathroom. Instead it echoed into their dorm. Joe didn't move muscle hoping Rami would either get it or the person would leave. Another knock and he could hear shuffling behind the door. Why couldn't the rest of the world just like his had?

"Um, excuse me? Is a... Mr. Joe Mazzello here?" An officer stood behind the other side of the door, hat held in his hand. He was older, graying hair sprouted from his head and tired eyes peaked behind glasses resting on his nose, and seemed like he was about to retire any day now. 

Rami looked confused but answered anyway, "look I don't know what's going on, but he's not feeling very well. Do you need to speak to him?" He didn't mean to come off rude or defensive, he just wanted to protect Joe from whatever it was he had gotten into. 

"No, no I understand. This is a pretty jarring situation and from what I can tell he was close to the woman." Wrinkled fingers crawled around an envelope sticking out from his breast pocket. "Please give this to him. And I'm very sorry for your loss." The older man gave a sympathetic look, completely ignoring the smell of alcohol that reeked into the hall, and left just as quickly as he had come. 

Rami slowly closed the door behind him, flipping the envelope over to see Joe's name had been printed in neat cursive writing. Chewing on his bottom lip, he pondered what it could be. The officer said he was sorry for his loss so maybe someone back home passed away? What was with the envelope then? The younger boy decided not to dwell on it, knowing Joe would open up as soon as he was ready. 

Shuffling over to the bathroom door once more, he bent over and slid the envelope underneath. "This was just delivered to me by an officer. Said to give it to you." And with that he left the boy alone. Knowing it was probably better to just let him be for now if something serious had happened. 

Joe looked down at the envelope that had been passed to him from under the door. Debating on opening it before deciding it may be important and turning it over anyway. It was her beautiful handwriting. His name had been written in beautiful cursive across the front. Taking a shaky breath, he carefully opened the envelope and slid the paper that had been nearly folded inside. Shaky hands opened the letter and began to read, unconsciously holding his breath. 

Dear Joseph,

I hope to be able to say this in person, but I fear I may not be here for much longer. You see, my heart is weak and I am old. Before I go, I would like to let you know you were like a son to me. I enjoyed every moment seeing you grow from the moment I met you until now. Watching over you, helping you with coursework, I loved doing it all. You gave me something I thought I would never have after losing my own son and I cannot thank you enough for that. Rami, your friend, has been telling me all about the nice young man you have been going out with and the wonderful dates you had gone on. I hope to see pictures and to be able to give the boy a strong talking to. Can't have my favorite boy going out with a hooligan. Though, I am sure whoever has earned your attention is worthwhile. 

Joseph, as I said, I fear I may not be on this planet much longer. Each day I am here it becomes harder for me to walk and even harder to breathe. I soon will be able to join my husband and my other son in the afterlife. I hope to be able to watch over you on your journey to becoming a Best Selling Author. I know you can do it, Joe. Just know I will continue to cheer you on no matter if I am beside you or watching over you. 

As I have no one else, I am leaving everything I own to you. The cafe, my savings, and the little house I once resided in. I do understand this may not be much, but I would like to leave my memory and worldly things with you. Please do not cry, as I am in a better place if you are reading this. And please do with my body as you see fit whether it be burying me in the ground or cremating me. I respect your decision.

Much Love,   
Velma M. Rosie

He had to physically stop himself from ripping the letter into shreds. How could she have known she was sick and not have told anyone? She could have told him. Taking her to the doctors would have been a lot more important to him than a stupid class. But, she never said a word. Just kept smiling on and pretending everything was alright.

How could he have not noticed she was sick in the first place? Fingers gripped at his hair and teeth clenched. Why had this happened now? Everything seemed to be working out for him for once. Ben and Joe were together and talking about seeing each other soon, he was able to keep in touch with his sister again, and he was just... happy. 

An angry sob left between his teeth before he could stop it. Feeling the clenching of his heart once more and the pounding in his temples. What was he to do now? There was no way he could go back to the way things were. How could he possibly when his only mother figure had gone without a word. 

Rami decided on a walk to give Joe some space and see if he could find out what really happened at the cafe today. Asking anyone and everyone who had crossed paths with him. Some said someone had gotten sick and was taken in an ambulance while others said something happened to the little old lady who lived there. Talk about murder was spread quickly, but was quickly debunked by another student who said he had been there during the time of the accident.

"All these rumors are just... terrible." The boy sighed and Rami nodded, hoping the boy would go on. He watched the other push overgrown strands of hair out of his face before speaking up once more. "The old women who owned the cafe,  they said she died from a heart attack in her sleep. Poor thing. She was a real sweetheart, ya know?" A pack of cigarettes were pulled from a worn sweatshirt and a lighter followed. The boy offered Rami one who took it gratefully. "Used to help me with my papers freshman year." 

The darker boy nodded again, finally understanding why his friend had reacted the way he did. It was sad, his heart did go out for the women and he was sure if there was to be a funeral he would shed tears, but Joe knew her much longer than he did. From what he understood, Joe had known the old women since his freshman year and had worked for her every since. She was the same lady who had taken him under her wing like a son. This would hit the ginger hard and Rami would be there every step of the way to help him get through it.

"Thanks for the smoke and the information. All you hear around campus is rumors." Rami flicked the cigarette bud to the ground and stomped the light out. The other boy nodded before Rami walked back to his dorm in hopes Joe had come out. 

No such luck, the bathroom door still being shut tight and not a peep of a sound in their room. With a sigh he decided to start cleaning up their room and try and get the smell of alcohol out best he could. He picked up dirty clothes and threw away their trash from long nights studying. 

The room was just about clean when Joe's phone went off from the nightstand Rami had placed it on earlier. Curious, he walked over to see Ben's name lit up on the screen. The younger boy let it go for now, figuring Joe needed to calm himself before talking to Ben. 

It wasn't until another hour or two went by that Rami started to worry. Joe never ate breakfast and lunch had long but passed at this point. He sat up from his desk, nice and clean for once with all the newfound free time, and walked slowly over to the bathroom door. Making a mental note of how much easier it was walking through their room without a ton of obstacles. You learn quickly stubbing your toe on a physics book twice a day isn’t the most pleasant feeling. 

"Joe, please come out and at least eat. I'm worried about you." 

"Don't be," came his reply. It had a nasty bite to it, "get lost. I'm sorry Lucy misses her little pet." Every syllable was laced with venom. 

It hurt, never hearing Joe so nasty before. Taking a step back, hurt written all over his face. "Joe, don't be like this."

"Just go away, Rami. Go fuck around like you always do and leave me in peace." 

"...You know what Joe, fuck you too!" Heavy steps followed then a door slam. Silence was filling the space once more, fighting away the noise from their fight. 

It continued on like this for a few days, Rami ignoring Joe and Joe staying locked away in the bathroom or buried under the covers of his bed. Curled up into the tightest ball he could contort his body into. Ben continued to text and Joe continued to ignore it. Refusing to go to class and simply thinking. Thoughts about what he would do now and where his life was headed jumbled his brain and let him with migraines. Having now been given a small home and a business, did he really even have time to be a student? And did he even want to have her things or would it be too much for him? 

Those few days were a blur to him, like he wasn't even there. He refused to go to his last few classes before break, choosing to lock himself up in the bathroom or bury himself under his covers. Curling in on himself as tightly as he could, staring blankly at the wall. Rami had tried to make amends with Joe before he went back home, but couldn't get through to him enough to hold a conversation. The younger boy packed up his things in silence, saying a sad goodbye to his friend before leaving. 

The school, the older boy had found out, was planning to hold a funeral for the older woman who had set up her little cafe on their campus for almost twenty five years. Most of the students who hadn't gone off on spring break had gone to see her before she was moved to the cemetery near the school and buried deep in the earth. 

Joe had ventured out of his dorm that day. The clouds covering the sun and graying the sky. He woke up to rain pounding against the only window in his dorm, not wanting to leave but wanting to pay his respects at the very least. Moving to the small mirror in their bathroom, he fixed his hair and washed his face. Turning back into his room to stare at the suit he had worn to the Golden Globes. Laying it out on his bed and just staring at the beautiful garment. The same suit she had been so thrilled to give him. Shaky fingers buttoned up the suit and smoothed out the creases, he decided against wearing a tie and threw on an old pair of black trainers. 

He moved silently through the quiet hours of the morning, thanking the gods that he had an umbrella to protect himself from the pounding rain. Without realizing it his feet had lead him to the cafe, opening the door that hadn't been locked up like usual and finding a sit near the counter. It was strange being here without the older woman around. Her presence had filled the little cafe into something so warm and homey. That was probably one of the many reasons why so many students came here besides the fact that it was right on campus.

Watching the rain fall and hearing the thunderous roar of the water pounding on pavement and roofs relaxed Joe. It was as if the sky was crying for him, releasing all the built up tense of the past few days. The anger buried deep in his heart refused to let him cry, to mourn. He was still angry she didn’t say a word about feeling sick, of being weak. If he could go back he knew he would have spent more time with her, taken her to a doctor and try to keep her alive. 

Laying awake at night, he would plead with whoever would listen. Begging from them to make her heart beat once more and bring the color back to her face. He offered up himself, everything he owned, his own soul. None of it was enough. That would cause another angry fit of throwing anything he could get his hands on around the room. Then the guilt would settle in, leaving him frozen in a fetal position for the rest of the night.

She had helped him through so much and now that she was gone he didn’t know if he could possibly keep going here. Freshman year when he had first arrived in a new place he never thought it would have been so hard to make friends. Older students ignored him, almost as if he didn’t exist, and his peers sneered at him for the way he dressed. While they were all dressed in decked out name brand clothing he was rocking a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt he had had for much longer than the actually life span of the material. 

Nerves had made Joe hold onto his things tight against his chest, carrying everything he owned in a small suitcase and the same book bag he had used his entire high school career. Feeling like a totally fish out of water being so far away from home. He missed the city, the honking of horns, screaming of people, and how it always seemed to lively. People in New York were always so busy worrying about their own shit that they couldn’t care less about you. It was nice to be left alone besides the beggars and street mascots who hounded you for money. 

The ginger remembered being thrilled not having a roommate, setting up the room with whatever he had shoved into his bags. He was lucky enough to have a desk in his room and a bed to sleep on, making a mental note to buy new sheets since his had enough holes to make the cloth useless. 

It didn’t take him long to set his things down and so he had the whole day to himself before classes started up in a few days. That’s where him and the sweet old lady had first met. She had been the first person in LA to open up to him and not give him the death stare for even looking in her general direction. When he asked about work on campus she almost jumped at the chance to hire him, and from then on it had been history.

The woman took time to help him with his coursework when it seemed it would be impossible to finish. Scolded him when she saw the dark circles under his eyes from last minute work on his computer for a paper that was due the same morning. Practically taking him under her wing and mothering him from the very beginning. And that’s why it was so hard for him to believe she was gone.

A loud clap of thunder shook him out of his thoughts, seeing students walking with umbrellas. He moved slowly from the cafe, pausing at the door when he felt eyes on him and a person in the corner of his eye. Brushing it off, he left with umbrella in hand. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but Joe would rather say goodbye facing her than having to talk to her after being buried six feet under. 

The school had set up the nicer part of the building up for the casket to be opened and flowers to be placed inside. Only a few students were in there paying their respects, Joe stayed towards the back with his head down. Leaning the umbrella against the far back wall, he waited until the group of girls left, talking quietly amongst themselves. 

Joe’s feet felt like lead, barely being able to push himself forward. Fighting through the impending doom, he took a deep breath and grabbed a flower from the table that they had been set up on for the students. He had to mentally prepare himself, praying not to completely lose it. 

Approaching the casket slowly, the lip of the case came in view first, than the whites of the sink fabric inside, and then he could see her face. She looked so pale, her eyes closed and dressed up in a beautifully simple black dress. They had put makeup on her, not enough to notice but enough to make her not look so dead. He fought the tightness in his chest and attempted to control his breathing.

“I can’t believe you’re really gone. It really won’t be the same here without you.” Hesitantly, he placed his hand in her’s. Feeling how cold it was, but ignoring it. “All I can think about is how I could have done something. I could have saved you if I would have just checked on you that night then maybe...” Joe shook his head and fought back more tears. “Why didn’t you say anything? We could have gone together to your doctor’s appointment. Why wouldn’t you just ask for help?” Joe’s voice shook, becoming louder and louder almost to a yell. The grip on her hand tightened. 

“At least... you’re at peace now. I can’t say that I will take over the cafe... not right now at least, but I want to thank you so so much for all you’ve done for me. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have met the love of my life.” A wet laugh left from behind his lips. “He’s beautiful, ya know. Real sweet too. You would have absolutely loved him I’m sure.” He wiped at his eyes and laid the rose down. “But, anyway, thank you for everything and I promise I will continue to try my best and make you proud.” One last squeeze and he stepped away. 

Turning his back to her, he picked up his umbrella and left. A weight being lifted off his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how was it? Good. Joe is finally starting to accept her death at least a little bit. I’m trying to follow the 5 steps of grieving (and trying to take it slow and not rush said steps.)
> 
> Please let me know how you felt about this!


	12. The Loneliness, It Kill Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. I’ve just been struggling with some serious writers block plus work and now my sister is home with her babies (twins). So my life has gotten kinda crazy. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this one. It was harder for me to write than any other of the chapters.

Ben, to say the least, was a ball of absolute anxiety and nerves. It never bothered him that Joe didn't text him often considering how busy the younger man's life was. But, never had Joe gone this long without sending at least a little heart emoji so Ben knew he was still thinking of the blonde. Two weeks had gone by since the day they had talked over Skype. Two weeks and he hadn't gotten even the cute little emoji. Did Joe finally give up on them? Maybe he fucked this up again? 

Pacing the length of his bedroom with Gwilym laying on his bed, growing dizzy from watching his friend's constant fidgeting. Now that they were all given a break around the same time, Gwilym having been on a break a week before both Lucy and Ben, they were spending the day at Ben's. What was suppose to be a nice day relaxing and hanging out turned into the two trying to calm a frantic Ben.

"Ben, would you stop pacing. You're gonna make me sick." Gwilym piped from the side of the bed, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. 

Completely ignoring the older boy, he continued his pacing. That is until a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder to stop him in his tracks. It was Lucy, giving him a reassuring smile. Her hand weighing him down and bringing him out of his jumbled thoughts. 

"Rami and I have been talking," Lucy started softly. As if she was afraid to startle the boy. "He didn't say much, but he did tell me Joe is going through something right now and it's consuming a lot of his time."  Moving to stand in front of him she squeezed his shoulder. "So, it's nothing you did. He's just trying to push through something. All you can do is try and be there for him when he's ready." 

Ben relaxed under her touch and nodded after taking a moment to process. That would make sense. If Joe was struggling with something that may be hard to talk about, he wouldn't have the time to talk to him. For a moment his thoughts became vicious, biting about how needy he was. The voice tried to push him back into that heartache he had felt before, trying to remind him of her and how it was his fault. But, then he remembered Joe and how he had helped get rid of that burning side of him. He was free. Those thoughts no longer had power over him.

"You're right. I'll wait until he's ready to talk to me." Ben smiled back at Lucy, feeling that much better from her gentle words. She was always really good at that. Making the boys feel better and knocking sense into them when necessary. The three of them were like glue, always sticking together no matter what. "Now, who's ready for a movie?"

That night the three laid together in Ben's bed, big enough to fit the three comfortably. Neither thought about work and Ben's thoughts never drifted into panic. Simply remembering that Joe would talk when he was ready. And Ben was ready to be there every step of the way to help him recover from whatever was hurting him. 

Joe laced up his trainers and, with a breath, started towards the path of the cafe. He spent most of his time there, thinking about everything. Not sure on what he wanted now that his life had been knocked upside down. The smell of cafe was strong inside the small little shop and her energy was still filling the room in waves, almost like she never left. 

Still not over everything, he hadn't gone up into that apartment to go through her things and empty the place out. It felt wrong going in what was once her apartment when she wasn't there. There was no one to drink tea with or talk to. Memories came flooding back, reminding him of all the times she would usher him up and give him food she had cooked the night prior. It wasn't long after the night she had gotten him up the creaky stairs to sit him down and have him sob his heart out. 

"No son of mine will be eating ramen. You'll completely ruin your health!" The sweet lady would huff, giving him enough food for him and Rami. 

If not for food, she would have him come upstairs to help her move things around or help him with coursework she knew she could help with. It was nice having her around. After leaving and having to say goodbye to the only support system he had back home, he thought he wouldn't be able to find someone as wonderful as his sister. Mary always being there and being a shoulder to lean on when nights grew long and their parents decided to shit on him more than usual. 

Joe had been lucky enough to nervously stumble into the cafe, reminding him of the little cafe near the small apartment his family had piled into when his sister was small enough to fit comfortably in his arms. That was there favorite spot to get out of the house, the owners hearing all the commotion from their parents constant arguments and pointless fights. The young couple would smile when the little bell above the door would announce their arrival with Joe ushering his sister inside with a loose grip on her hand. Quickly, the women would set up a table for them in the back to play at. Giving them toys their children had played with and grown out of. 

Joe would thank them, nudge his sister who would quickly do the same with a much smaller voice, and would stay out of the way until closing when they would have to go back. The time spent in the little shop helped keep their spirits high when the two siblings would tiptoe back into the eerily quiet apartment and into their shared bedroom. Little smiles lit their faces remembering the taste of the hot chocolate they had chugged down only hours before and all the fun games they had made up together, using their imagination to create fire breathing monsters that kept their drinks warm and spooky ghosts that sent shivers down their spines.

Shuffling into the cafe in LA had brought back so many good memories it made him itch to call his sister who would more than likely be at school. So, he ordered a hot chocolate, smiling at the memory of their made up fire breather and sat at the table in the back. That was when he had noticed the help wanted sign and the rest had been history. 

Slow steps walked up creaking stairs up to an old oak door. Taking a deep breath, Joe used the key she had given him if he ever needed to stop in and opened the door. It was like time had completely stood still in the room. Nothing had be changed since he had last visited. His heart clenched as he moved to sit on her old sofa. The cushions were beyond broken in, but comfortable none the less.

His heart fell comfortably back against the back of said sofa, closing his eyes. Finally feeling relaxed enough to think. Being in his dorm felt suffocating, all his despair crowding Joe into a corner he couldn't seem to get out of. Here, he realized, it felt as though the weights were lifted and the ghosts that followed vanished. Banished by the old women's overpowering presence in the small apartment. 

With a clear mind he was finally able to think about what he would be doing now. Joe knew he wouldn't give up completely on college, knowing not only would she be upset if he gave up on his dreams but so would his friends and sister. Who would all rant about how he was letting his parents rule his life once more by giving them what they had originally planned for their son. 

Never did any of the plans his mind came up with result in him moving back home. Not wanting to go back and be treated like grime under worn shoes. He thought about looking into colleges, or universities as Brits called them, around where Ben's flat would be. But, that didn't seem like a very plausible idea not because Ben wouldn't want him there. Joe didn't want to just come full force into Ben's life. It would be a big change for both of them, one he wasn't sure he was ready for. Especially considering they hadn't known each other that long. 

Taking a semester off sounds like a good idea, just to give himself time to adapt to such a big change. That would give him time to move into the apartment if he so chooses to and to slowly take over the cafe if that's what he wanted. The only thing stopping him for doing that is falling behind and having to make up for that semester meaning he would graduate later than he planned.

A sigh left between parted lips. He hated making big decisions like this. Wanting to call Rami and apologize before asking the boy for advise. But, then he was reminded the boy had gone to see his family back home and he couldn't be the one to take that time away from him. Remembering how the boy had ranted and raved about seeing his family after so long. Ben was out of the question, not wanting to sound like a whiny brat especially since they hadn't known each other for that long. Joe didn't want Ben's opinion of him to change because he was a mess. So, his only options were to sleep it off which, as of now, wasn't possible or get so drunk he completely forgot what he was so worried about and finally get some well deserved sleep.

Making the first decision for himself since he agreed to go out with Ben, he got up off the sofa. Taking one last glance around the room, he left with his thought filling his head up once more. No silence, not since Joe had realized she was gone. He had tried so many times to sleep, tossing and turning. It normally ended up with him drinking whatever he hadn't wasted against their dorm wall and blacking out till late afternoon feeling sick and somewhat rested. 

Joe, proud of himself for making yet another decision on his own, decided he would get a little tipsy before going out. Hoping that would keep him for backing out like he always did. So, tired feet carried him back to his dorm. Ignoring his thoughts to sit as he usually did in the emptied cafe and waste away there. Sending himself into another panic with the thoughts circling around him and the impending doom of making a life changing commitment. 

The unusual chill of the early spring wind had Joe wrapping his arms around himself, wishing he had brought a sweatshirt with him on his late night walk. The sun had set long ago at this point, leaving the earth to fend for Luckily for him, the walk from his dorm to the cafe was short even with his insistent shuffling. His body too tired to even bother lifting his feet off the ground. 

Joe made his way into his empty dorm, feeling even more lonely without Rami's naturally bubbly personality filling up the room in waves. Shutting the door behind him and kicking off his shoes, not caring much where the landed, he grabbed whatever bottle was next to his bed and started to drink. Knocking the bottle back until it was almost emptied and the burn became too much for him. The room was too quiet, the usually loud halls and talkative neighbors were all gone. Leaving few to themselves while the rest enjoyed their break with family or friends. 

The silence became too much so, Joe set out to fill the room up with some kind of noise to battle the quiet. Dragging his hand around the soft sheets of his bed until it finally came in contact with the cool metal of his phone. Tired eyes glanced over the screen after picking it up and bringing it to his face, and was surprised at how many texts he had missed. 

Benny⭐️⛸🏝  
Good morning Love   
Good luck on your exams  
I know you'll blow your teachers away ❤️

Hey babe did you still want to talk today? It's ok if you can't  
I know you probably are tired out of your mind from all that studying you did 

A string of more 'Good Morning's' and 'Good Night's' filled his chat with Ben. A ping in his heart made Joe take another swing of whatever he had grabbed.

Benny⭐️⛸🏝  
Just found out I have a break around the same time you do  
Was thinking of coming out to see you if that's ok?   
Unless you want to come here?  
I'm sure Gwil and Lucy would be thrilled to see you again ❤️

Goodnight Love  
I know you are probably still busy with work so text me when you can  
I love you

Good morning Lovely ❤️  
Can't wait to see you   
You get your test results today don't you?   
Let's talk later   
I'd love to hear all about your test  
Bet you were head of your class  
My gorgeous little genius 

Guess you're still busy  
That's alright  
I'm ready to talk whenever you are Lovely   
I love you and miss you so much ❤️

sent attached imagine

Gwil just showed this to me  
Little sneaks were still there when we were skating   
Look at how elegant you look on the ice even tho it had been so long  
Gorgeous   
Cant wait to hold you in my arms again  
I love you Joe

Joe blinked back tears, putting his phone down. It was selfish of him to ignore Ben's texts but, it wasn't intentional. He had gotten so busy with studying and working and then she had passed. The blonde at this point probably wanted nothing to do with him. How could he, when he had ignored him for weeks on end, not even a text to let Ben know he was still thinking about him. 

Anxiety filled his chest once more, drowning that down with the last of the bottle. Shaky fingers left it on the bed, grabbing a sweatshirt and heading out. Following his originally plan to get wasted and finally get some sort of sleep, he went to whatever bar was closest to campus in walking distance. 

It was an old, shabby place with people who didn't seem to pay an ounce of attention to his person. Joe liked it that way anyway. The smell of alcohol and nicotine was strong, mixing with something close to old wood and sweat. It didn't bother the ginger in the slightest, already slightly tipsy with the burn settling in his chest. By the time he had gotten to the bar, people were already long past caring. Grinding up against strangers and making out in the darker corners of the bar. Which weren't hard to find considering the lighting was dim already even standing right under the light fixtures. 

Joe slide past grabby hands and dancing groups to the bar, ordering whatever the bartender recommended as the strongest he could mix. Sitting back and enjoying the thumping of the bass around the room. It was much better than having the silence of the dorm torment him. 

"Hey cutie," a voice purred from behind him, "what's your poison tonight." It was deep and almost as calming as Ben's had been. The person came to sit beside him, ordering their own drink. Something fruity and fun for their night out. 

Joe took notice of their blonde hair, short and pushed back out of their face. Their jawline was defined, but nothing like Ben's. When the person turned he could see their eyes were almond shape, a crystal blue color. Their lips were thin and recently bitten. Taking in their outfit, a simple t-shirt and some old jeans. They were beautiful, but nothing compared to Ben. 

"Just here to get out of my dorm." Joe took a swing of his tall glass that the bartender had so elegantly slid over and quickly regretted it. Whatever he had made had Joe's chest feeling like he had just tried to become a flame swallower. He quickly placed the glass down and started to cough. The boy next to him falling into fits of drunken laughter.

"Yeah, that's normally a newbie's reaction to Jay's concoction. I would start by taking sips or you may never finish it." The boy continued to laugh causing Joe's ears and face to flush. When he finally got his breath he turned back fully to Joe, "name's Aaron," he out stretched his hand. 

"Joe," he shook the outstretched hand then went back to his drink. Taking the boys advice and drinking slowly. It wasn't as bad the first time and Joe thanked his lucky stars for that. Not wanting to be turned into a fire breathing monster. 

"Wanna dance?" 

"I don't-" before he could even finish his sentence he was being dragged out to the floor with the smaller blonde. Smiles and stumbles rolled into one, he made his way into the crowd and stopped to face Joe. 

"Loosen up, you look like death on two legs right now." The blonde wasn't wrong. Joe felt like death and he couldn't imagine looking any better. 

"I just came to drink... not in the mood to dance." 

"Nonsense, now stop pouting and dance." 

And that's how Joe had ended up dancing and drinking with the shorter boy. For the first time since Ben had left, Joe finally felt a little bit more sane. Just enough to forget the nerves and anxiety that had been plaguing him for weeks. 

Only an hour in and he started to lose himself. Finishing up the concoction that turned from a fire starting burn into something much more pleasant. A slight sting and than a wave of complete warmth wrapped around him. By the last sip his new 'friend' had already ordered him another, smiling from beside him and rubbing up the side of his arm with a feather light touch. Aaron, he remembered the blonde's name being, pressed something against his dry lips. Opening up and taking whatever it was he was given without a care. 

The blunt between his lips was lit and the blonde had to pull it out of Joe's mouth when he inhaled and instantly started coughing. "First time then? What kind of college kid are you?" Aaron laughed, taking a hit and blowing the smoke into Joe's face. 

"... never bothered with drugs. Not my scene." 

"Really? With how tense you are I assumed you would have done this a bunch before." The blonde leaned into Joe's space further, the smell of cheap cologne and alcohol making him dizzy. "Let's try this again, yeah?" 

Less of a question, the smaller boy took another hit but held the smoke in this time. Joe was confused, watching him intently. Seconds later a pair of lips crashed against his, Aaron working his mouth open and passing the smoke off to the other. Quickly leaning back, Joe coughed. The smoke that hadn't escaped between the two had been coughed out. Aaron laughed again, finding the drunk boy to be quite amusing. All the college students he had met had been more than happy to share a blunt with him and relax. Maybe this one was a goody-two shoes, waiting to be corrupted by the rest of the world. Aaron was willing to be the one to corrupt such an innocent boy, almost bouncing in excitement at the thought.

Joe was confused. The room was spinning, but he was sitting still. Beginning to sweat and anxiety pushing the once good feelings away. He wanted to get out. It was too crowded. Everything seemed to be closing in on him and Joe wasn't sure if he could move without vomiting whatever he had actually managed to eat during the day plus the added alcohol. So, he pushed the blonde away who called out to him. The voice chasing him was full of confusion and hurt, but never did the person it belonged to follow. Joe was thankful for that. 

Pushing past people who were far too gone to care, he finally broke into the night air and audibly sighed in relief. Leaning his forehead up against the brick building and attempting to catch his breath. What was wrong with him? Never had Joe felt so sick in his life. Having had many experiences drinking until blackout drunk and waking up the next morning feeling like death, this felt worse than that. His stomach curled in discomfort and he stood there until the feeling passed. Joe was thankful for the early hours of the morning, very few people bothered to walk around this early in the morning which meant he was left alone without curious stares.

Once the nausea passed, Joe stumbled back to his dorm. Trembling hands had him fumbling with the lock. Finally getting the door opened after a few minutes of standing there pushing the key aggressively against the keyhole. He shut the door behind him and kicked his shoes off before falling face first onto his bed. Curling up, Joe didn't notice he had been crying until he felt tears slide down his cheeks and wet the soft cotton of the pillow below him. 

He wasn't sure why he did it, maybe the loneliness had finally caught up to him. Or maybe he felt guilty someone had kissed him and it hadn't been Ben, even if it wasn't his fault. Maybe it was the alcohol he had consumed mixed with whatever he had been forced to inhale. But Joe reaches out for his phone and unlocks it after a few tries. Tapping over Ben's name and staring at the screen. He typed out message after message but none of them seemed right. 

 

Benny⭐️⛸🏝  
Gwil just showed this to me  
Little sneaks were still there when we were skating   
Look at how elegant you look on the ice even tho it had been so long  
Gorgeous   
Cant wait to hold you in my arms again  
I love you Joe

Only one thing came to mind in his jumbled mess of a brain. 

Babe❤️  
Benny...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... so I kinda based Joe getting sick on how the smell of any kind of drug makes me extremely sick and that different people react to different things. I was NOT going to have Joe cheat on Ben... I’m evil but not like that. Plus I can’t see him ever cheating even with a blackout drunk mind. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed and I promise I’m gonna try and get the next one out faster.


	13. I Will Always Find My Way Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to update more and not leave you all hanging for so long. Your comments last chapter definitely kept me motivated so thank you! Hope you guys enjoy this one

Ben's heart nearly ripped through his chest it was pounding so hard. His phone had gone off just moments ago and he was still trying to push down the anticipation. Even though he knew that was Joe's text tone, he didn't want to get his hopes up. Not being able to talk to the younger boy had crushed him, but he understood why Joe was so distant. That didn't stop the racing in his heart when thoughts of Joe not wanting him came to plague him at night. All he wanted was to jump on a plane and meet the boy wherever he had to. Wrap his arms around him and tell him everything would be ok. And if the problem was their relationship he would remind Joe that he didn't mind fighting for them with every breath he had. As corny as that was, he really couldn't get over how much he loved the ginger. It was... scary how deeply he had fallen in such a short amount of time.

There wasn't a reason he could think of that would have prevented him from falling. Joe was such a beautiful person, inside and out. His personality filled up the room with good vibes, making everyone feel welcomed and comfortable. His smile was piercing and the passionate gaze in his eyes when he talked about something he loved made Ben's heart melt. The way he spoke and the jokes he told. Everything. Everything about him was perfect to the older boy. And he was so thankful Joe had decided to give him a chance and trusted him so much. 

With bated breath, he reached for his phone and almost jumped out of bed in pure joy. It was Joe. He knew it was Joe, but the conformation meant everything to him. That excitement was quickly filled with complete concern when he opened their messages and saw only one word. His name. If his heart could actually be shattered into a million pieces than this moment would have proven that. Feeling the overwhelming ache to be there for the young boy. Without a second thought he called Joe, praying he would answer. It rang once, twice, three, four, five times before it finally was picked up. All Ben could see was complete darkness, no sound coming from the other end. He opened his mouth to say something, but the sound of Joe's broken voice stopped him.

"...Benny..." a broken sob was spilled between trembling lips. 

"Oh Love," 

That was all it took to have the dam break and Joe completely break down. The older of the two let him cry it out, wishing he could be there to whisper comfort into his ear and wrap his arms tightly around Joe. Doing the only thing he could being so far away, he listened to the boy cry.

"Shhhh it's ok, Love. It'll all be ok" Comfort was hushed over the receiver, choked sobs mixing with the rumble of his voice. "It's alright, Lovely. Let it out." The encouragement had another breaking from between trembling lips. Joe couldn't believe he had such an amazing person in his life. Comfort spilling from his lips loud enough for Joe to hear through his weeps. When the boy had trouble breathing with his anxiety bubbling to the surface, Ben calmly told Joe to follow his breathing to help him calm down. The sound of gasps from trying to catch his breath settled and his sobs calmed. And they stayed like that until Ben heard his whimpers turn to sniffles and his sniffles to steady breathing.

Joe had cried himself to sleep, all alone thousands of miles away. Ben's heart shattered for the second time that night, not having the heart to hang up. He ended up falling asleep himself listening to the other boy. For that moment, peace passed between both. 

"What do you mean your going back to America? You can't just leave! You have filming coming up in a few days!" His agent was frantic, watching Ben blindly throw clothes into his suitcase. She had hurried to his flat when she had received a call from the film director, claiming the boy had called about an emergency that couldn't wait, who was enraged at the thought of filming being behind schedule. The director screamed he would replace Ben if he did not show up for filming, sending his agent into a complete frenzy. 

"I told you it's important." Ben shouldered past her and into his bathroom to grab toiletries. She was panicking now. What had gotten into him?

"You could lose everything by doing this! Don't you get that?" She was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, blocking him from leaving. 

"Fine by me." She groaned and rubbed her temples seeing him shrug his shoulders while continuing to pack like he hadn't a care in the world. "Fine then, go back to modeling!" Throwing her hands up in defeat, "only thing you were good at anyway! You're just a pretty face!" She was screaming now, grabbing her purse. A slam was heard all throughout the flat as she left, the clink of her heels echoing throughout. 

His fist tightened on the bottle he was holding, but didn't say a word. She wasn't worth it, he reminded himself. Moving back into his room to throw the rest of his things in his suitcase. This was for Joe, he needed someone right now. 

Ben despised when people reminded him of his beginnings. The model, the pretty face, the nice body. That's all he ever was seen as in this industry. His previous agent, the one who had handled all his modeling gigs, had scooped him up under her wings. Thinking she was one of the few good people apart of the industry, he had put all his trust in her. Ignoring her flirty passes and laughing off passing touches. Then fully clothed shoots turned into shirtless. Shirtless slowly turned into just boxers. Ben was beyond uncomfortable, not with his body but this wasn't how he wanted to make it. Wanting to be known for more than just his body or pretty face. He hadn't wasted time going to college just to waste away as a model when his life dream was to star in films and tv. 

Before he could mention to his agent how uncomfortable he was, she had landed him his first small part in a movie. Ben had been so excited he had accepted it without even asking what the part was. He quickly regretted his decision, but knew if he ever wanted to get himself out there he would need to push through and take whatever jobs he could. So, he played the parts of hot boyfriends and boy next door. All his characters were either hot but stupid or obsessed with getting into the pants of any girl he could. It wasn't him. Ben fought with himself about talking to his agent with how uncomfortable she made him, but pushed her flirting off as just kindness. 

Until she took it a step too far.

She had invited him out one night as celebration for the upcoming film he had landed in, everyone raving about how it would be his big break. They had been in France going over things with the director before she had asked and he was so excited about his next role, this time full of something more than just his looks, he didn't notice her sticking to him closer than usually. 

"Soph, you didn't have to take me out. This is such a nice place too!" Ben was vibrating in excitement at this point. In complete awe at actually being able to travel to France, somewhere he had always wanted to go since he was a kid. Even if they were close he still wasn't able to go, money was tight back then. Now he was walking into a restaurant he wouldn't have dared look at before, head held high and smile brighter than any star. 

"Benny, you made it! Of course we have to celebrate." She was close enough for him to be able to feel her breath on his neck every time she leaned in closer to laugh. Their height difference wasn't much, Emma being maybe an inch or two shorter. Ben brushed off the feeling of uneasiness and simply went on smiling. 'Get over it, Ben. Not everyone wants to get in your pants. Get real.' 

All throughout dinner she went on and on about how proud she was of him, her leg finding his under the table. Their legs bumped and rubbed, but he ignored it best he could. Dinner hadn't been bad beside the fact she kept forcing wine into his glass even after refusing. 

"Loosen up, Benny." The wink she sent his way made him uncomfortable, but he never said a word. She was only being nice. So, he chugged glass after glass on wine until he was feeling a buzz. 

They were all giggles and smiles until he felt her hand grope up his leg. That was the end of that. Firing her the next morning after finding his own way back to his hotel room for the night. 

Ben had been wary about getting an agent for awhile after that. Until he found his current agent who was sweet enough to begin with. She had helped him get into big roles in movies and even helped him score a spot on a tv show that went on for more than one season. They worked well together for awhile until she got comfortable. Digging where she could about where he started and threatening he may end up there if he didn't listen. All his accomplishments, she claimed, were because of her. But he let it go and kept her around. Ben was glad to finally have her let him go. Good riddance.

With his agent out of the way he was able to finish packing in a matter of a few minutes, looking back once to make sure he didn't miss anything and locking up his flat behind him. Ben had been lucky enough to get a decently early flight. Which meant he would be able to make it to Joe before the his spring break would be over and he wouldn't have to worry about interrupting class time again. Sure that the professor would be happy if he never saw Ben's face outside his class again.

The ride over to the airport was nothing special, hiding his face behind a scarf and behind a beanie. Hoping to make this trip as simple as possible without worrying about people noticing him. He paid for the taxi and grabbed his suitcase, heading to the bag check. They ignored his getup, eyebrows raised and stares were given from all over the airport but Ben didn't care. Boarding the plane and getting home was most important to him right now.

Joe woke hours later, the sun had long come up by now. He cracked his eyes opened and noticed how sore they were from crying. A headache was forming in his temples and the boy tried his best to fight off the nausea. The war was quickly lost, just barely making it to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach in the trash can. Whatever he had done the night before, he decided, was stupid. Feeling like he may have died and is now in purgatory of some sort, he leaned against the lip of the trashcan. Careful not to knock it over and having to waste time cleaning up vomit from the floor. No thank you. He rinsed his mouth out with sink water, hoping to wash away the bile taste. 

Wishing Rami was here to suffer with him, Joe moved towards the bedroom once he felt he wouldn't throw up again. Grabbing the bottle of Advil they kept on hand and chugging a bottle of water. Joe laid back on his bed and prayed for the headache to go away. He couldn't remember a thing of last night which was frightening considering he couldn't remember passed reading the unread texts Ben had sent. With that in mind, he searched for his phone with one hand while using the other to press the cool water bottle into his forehead. The coolness helping ease the ache just a little. 

Joe plucked the phone up from the end of his bed after his hand bumped into it and brought it up to his face. A sad smile tugged at his lips seeing all the texts he hadn't bothered to read with everything that had been going on. That is until his brain caught up with his eyes and he saw that he had responded. One word. That was all it took for most of the night to come flooding back. 

The walk to the shabby bar not far from campus. All the people who hadn't paid one ounce of attention to him, too drunk or busy making out in the darkest corner of the bar to care. Then the blonde. He had laughed when he drink something stronger than he was used to. Got him up to dance and forget. They had... kissed.

Guilt had Joe shaking, dropping his phone. He had forgotten all about Ben for just that short amount of time. Even kissed another man. How could he? Joe felt dirty. Neglecting Ben had been one thing, work and school taking up all his time when he wasn't trying to get some sleep. It went from one text every other day to nothing at all. Ben must have been so upset, lonely. And Joe was too caught up feeling sorry for himself to see that. 

The picture of the two on their first date haunted him, glaring back at him when his shifting at his phone screen light up once more. So, he pushed his phone off his bed and carefully rolled over to face the wall Joe had become accustomed to glaring at until falling asleep. But, this time, sleep was merciful on him and came quickly. Helping rid him of the hangover and hopefully the guilt eating at his insides. 

Gwilee  
got your favorite snacks  
now open the bloody door you wanker  
I might end up freezing my tits off out here

lost my spare key can you get the door

Ben answer your phone!

Where are you, Mate? 

Answer your phone!

Joe isn't answering either... are you two together? 

don't make me call a search party 

Lil Sis  
Ben  
Gwil and I are worried  
Please pick up the phone

Rami tried to call Joe but he won't answer either 

Please tell me you two are together

Ben 

Ben nearly had a heart attack when he turned his phone off airplane mode and it started buzzing nonstop. Mentally facepalming himself, he waited for his suitcase to come around on the conveyer belt. He knew he forgot to do something... just not something this important. So, when he finally picked up his suitcase Ben set out to call Lucy. Who would be the calmer of the two friends. Not really ready for an earful from Gwilym yet. He was expecting Lucy to answer on the first or second ring, but wasn't expecting it to be Gwil.

"Ben, where on Earth are you? We've been worried sick!" Ben could picture Gwilym standing like an angry mother scolding their child for sneaking out of the house. Nightgown and slippers on, sitting up in their favorite arm chair facing the door. Waiting to bust their child in the act. 

"Calm down, Gwil. I'm fine." 

"Don't you 'calm down, Gwil.' me! You've been gone for ages. Didn't you think to give us a call or even a text? You gave us both heart attacks you wanker!" 

"I'm sorry I forgot. Listen, Joe finally texted me last night and he just sounded so sad..." Ben was quickly cut off by Gwilym, who had already caught onto the situation.

"You're in America right now... aren't you?"

"Yes, but only because Joe needs me! You guys have to understand."

There was a sound of shuffling and mumbled voices before Lucy pipped up. "Of course we understand. Please just keep us updated. Let us know if Joe needs anything we can help with. And please be safe, Ben." 

A smile broke out onto his face, "of course, Luce. I'll see you both later." And after saying their goodbyes he hung up. Ben had to remember to bring them back something nice for all the trouble he had caused. 

Calling an Uber at this time of night was much easier than Ben had imagined it being. The wait though, had been a whole lot longer than he had expected. Jet lag set into his bones, making him feel as though he was a million times more tired than he actually was. Waiting felt even longer with his eyelids starting to droop and his suitcase becoming heavier. Ben was thankful LA was warmer than back home so he didn't have to worry about getting cold waiting outside. 

The Uber turned up and hour later, pulling every story out of the book about why he was late. Ben was too tired to care and just threw his suitcase in the back. Telling the driver where to go and relaxing into the seat. He hadn't realized how late it was until his eyes opened and he could see the clock in the old beat up vehicle light up. It was almost four in the morning and it was even later when he finally made it to the dorms. Ben prayed Joe was a light sleeper.

A thumping from the door had Joe groggily sitting up in bed, brows furrowed. No one should be back from break yet with a few days left to spare and Rami had said he would be gone a day or two past that. Joe chalked it up as his imagination and turned over to go back to sleep when he heard another knock, much harder than the last few had been. 

'I'm going crazy, aren't I?' 

Another knock had a very confused and wary Joe stumbling out of bed, an old baseball bat from when he was still on the team in high school held firmly in his hand. Cautiously, Joe reached out for the door knob. Jumping when another knock came from the other side. 'Come on, Joe. What murderer is gonna knock before they come in to kill you?' Shaking his head to rid himself out his silly thoughts, he swing the door open. Joe's mouth hung open in shock not knowing what to do. The only sound was of the bat thumping to the carpet below him. 

"... Benny ...?" Arms wrapped around him before Joe could decide he had actually gone crazy. He melted in the strong arms wrapped around him, wrapping his own around Ben's neck. His body instantly relaxed being in Ben's arms once more. "I can't believe... why are you here?" Every word was muffled into the crook of his neck, but he could still hear Joe's voice. Small and tired, but very much still there. 

"Came to see you, Love." A kiss was placed into his hair. "You sounded so sad over the phone. I couldn't just leave you by yourself." Ben gave Joe a tight squeeze, leaving kisses anywhere he could reach. 

"What about work? I thought you would have gone back by now?" 

"Nope, I'm still on my break," it was a small lie with some underlining truth. Ben was technically still on break till tomorrow, but he didn't tell Joe that. Not wanting to ruin the moment or have Joe send him back to Britain. Silence passed between the two, holding each other like if they let go the other would disappear. Until Joe pulled away slowly, a wide small on his face and eyes full of love. 

"I can't believe you. God, I look like a disaster and the dorm is even worse!" They shared a laugh, both feeling better than they had in almost two months. 

Joe ushered Ben inside, kicking bottles under his bed before the other could take note of them. Or so he hoped the blonde wouldn't notice. Ben plopped down on the bed after setting his suitcase aside, sleep creeping up on him. "Come here," he motioned to Joe who wiggled down beside him and made himself comfortable with his head rested on Ben's shoulder. The older boy stroked ginger locks, liking how long his hair had gotten. Joe looked over at Ben, squeezing the arm wrapped around his waist.

"... I missed you, Love." 

"'M sorry," he mumbled back. Sorry for all the missed messages and phone calls. Leaving Ben to wonder if Joe would ever reply. He felt horrible for doing that, but at the time he had been so caught up in everything that was going on he couldn’t focus on anything else. Snuggling up closer to the blonde. Joe fought against the guilt that threatened to ruin their moment, being in Ben's arms reminded him of the previous night events. He didn't want to hurt the boy who had gone out of his way to see him. That would crush Ben and Joe couldn't do that, especially seeing the look of absolutely content etched into his features. Thick lashes grazed skin when the blonde fought sleep. "Sleep, I'll still be here when you wake up." He leaned in to kiss Ben's cheek, settling closer and closing his own eyes. 

They would have a lot to catch up on and talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. We got a little sneak peak of BBF (Ben Before Fame) and all he had to go through to get where he is now. And we finally have the two lovies back together!  
> Hope you guy enjoyed!  
> Comments make my day  
> Side note: next chapter is in the works... hoping to get it out tonight or tomorrow. It’ll be nice and fluffy to fill your hearts


	14. And I’ll Be Your Diamond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I just want to start with... I’m sorry for taking like five billion years to write this. I hate to use to word depressed because I feel like it’s overused (a lot of people i know use it for attention) but I’ve just been feeling blah so I took a few days just to recooperate my mental health before writing this. THEN I had really bas writers block, work, and it’s springbreak for my college friends so I was spending time with them. 
> 
> Regardless the chapter is here now and I hope you guys enjoy it. It took way to long to write

Light streamed into the small room only minutes before a pair of eyes fluttered open. Used to being awake at the early hours of the morning to stumble out of his dorm and to the cafe. The little shop to him still felt packed out with students and the little old women. As if the spirits of the morning had spent their sleepless night there, keeping the shop bustling with customers of the restless. 

Joe was the first to awaken this time, attempting to stretch only to feel strong arms wrapped protectively around his waist and rhythmic breathing against the exposed skin of his neck. A tired smile crept onto his face, drawling imaginary circles into the soft skin of Ben's wrist. The constant weight of the boy behind him helped Joe feel grounded for the first time since the incident. He was grateful for that. 

Carefully shifting in the arms that trapped him, he turned to face Ben. A hand coming up to place itself where Joe could run his thumb over Ben's cheek. Taking notice of how relaxed the other was. His chest slowly raising and falling. It made Joe's heart swell. This was all his. 'But for how much longer...' 

The voice in the back of his head had Joe's thumb pausing over pouted lips. It wasn't unlike him to feel this way. Over the course of the relationships he had had, he had been the one to end them all. Too afraid of them becoming something serious and Joe ruining it somehow. And it wasn't his fault. His parents hadn't exactly set a good example in the relationship column. Joe can remember them fighting well after his sister had been born, the fighting only getting worse as they grew older. 

Their mother was, sadly, a raging alcoholic. She hadn't always been that way, he remembered. At one point he remember the couple being happy. Caring for their son like he was the most precious thing in the world. It had all gone down hill when his father had been caught cheating. It all spiraled down from there.

"I asked you to watch the kids because I had that important board meeting tonight you knew I couldn't miss... and THIS is what you do behind my back?" Her ginger locks were pulled back into a tight uniform bun, button up tucked into a nice pencil shirt, her heels had long been thrown at her husband. He towered above her, but she never feared him. Pointing an accusing finger at him. "How could you!" 

The women he had brought home from work with less than innocent intentions had left only minutes ago when the other had come home looking for her husband to find him in bed with another. "You're always at work! You expect me to care for our kids like some kind of housewife while you're off slutting yourself around the office for a raise!" His voice rang throughout the house, booming and deep. 

Joe remembered peeking around the corner, tears welling up in his eyes and holding his baby sister tight to his chest. Shushing her and trying to calm her screaming. That was the first of many fights. From that point forward his mother had started to come home earlier, leaving work to pick him up from school and Mary from daycare. Just to come home and pace the floor, waiting for her husband to come home. When he did, she would question him, interrogate him before he even took two steps into their shrinking home. 

With her missing so much work, she lost her job. She was home even more often then. Joe remembered her being so sweet when his father was away, not having to care about who he had talked to at work or if he was texting another women while she was in bed lying beside him. She would read books to him, play games, and they even got Mary walking one sunny afternoon. That was before she started drinking. 

Then his father got on her case about work, how lazy she was, throwing his regrets at her before moving to the kitchen to grab something and slam the door to their shared room. That was what had sent her to drinking. Starting with one glass of wine, then two, then a bottle, and then she stopped coming home before him. 

Mary counted on him to keep them both safe when their parents flew into a rage. Things would be thrown, words would be spat, and children would be pit against their parents. 

With how quickly things had seemed to get with his parents, he was terrified it would happen to him. Constantly reminding himself people change. Ben could change his mind any second about the two of them and break off what they had. And how much time was really left between the two with their collective schedules and time differences. Joe knew he should enjoy his time with the blonde while he had it.

"G'morning, Love." A raspy voice yanked him from his thoughts and pulled him back to Ben, who was now awake. Green eyes met brown and the strong arms wrapped around him tightened. "... thought you might have been a dream." He mumbled into the exposed skin on his neck causing Joe to smile.

"Yup, this is all a dream. I'm actually a forty year old women. Come give me a kiss, Sugar." Joe puckered his lips in a joking manner and made kissy noises. 

"No thanks, you're way to old for me. And anyway," Ben's head moved so he could look at Joe leaning in close, "I have a beautiful boy waiting for me back home. You may know him as the upcoming New York's Best Selling Author 'Joseph Mazzello'."

Joe's smile grew, pushing their foreheads together. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"I'm wondering the same thing." A lazy kiss was placed on Joe's lips before Ben yawned and buried himself back into the crook of Joe's neck. Kisses were planted on every inch of exposed skin, a soft gasp was pulled from his throat. "Missed you, Love." 

Fingers buried themselves into Ben's bed head, brushing the wild locks. "Missed you too, Benny." Joe kissed the top of his, laughing when Ben's kisses grew wet and sloppy. Blowing raspberries into the skin and turning them over so Ben could run his fingers over Joe's sides. 

"B-Benny," Joe tried to flip them over once more or at least get Ben back on his side, but all he could accomplish is wiggling around. Being defenseless against the finger's working his sides and the lips leaving a wet trail of sloppy kisses over exposed skin. 

"Do you surrender?" Ben mumbled against Joe's ear, sending a shiver down his spine. 

"Never!" Joe laughed doing his best to push Ben away, but his hands were much too weak from laughing so hard. 

"You shall continue to suffer, sweet maiden. Until you come to your senses and surrender." Ben mocked in a playful tone. His fingers pausing for only a second before going back to attacking the wiggling body beneath him.

"Who're you calling a maiden?" The ginger snorted before he was sent back into his fits of laughter. The older of the two grabbed at the hands attempting to push him away and pulled them above the others head, leaving him completely defenseless. It took a few more minutes of Joe trying to wiggle out of the strong grip Ben had on his wrists and his sides to start aching from laughing for Joe to realize he wouldn't be able to win this fight. "Alright, alright. I give!" He breathed through another giggle fit. 

Ben pulled away with a shit eating grin on his face, "knew you wouldn't last much longer." His fingers moved under the t-shirt Joe had thrown on the night before, splaying them over aching muscles. Their eyes met and they stayed like that for what felt like forever, Ben leaning over Joe's heaving chest. Trying to catch his breath, his arms still trapped above his head. "...You're beautiful" The blonde breathed. 

"Shut up and kiss me already, 'you bloody wanker'," Joe huffed. Breaking out his own British accent that would have made Ben laugh if he wasn't so caught him in trying to completely devour the other. The kiss was desperate, soft lips pressed against chapped ones. Tongues fought for dominance, forcing small whines from the younger boy. 

Ben pulled away first with Joe chasing after him, eyes closed and lips swollen. "You are such a sight to behold, Love. Wish I could keep you here under me." Struggling against the hand holding him down, Joe felt another shiver rack through his body. Ben tightening his grip to keep Joe from breaking free. 

"Keep still, Love. Or maybe," he leaned down to press his lips against Joe's ear, "you'd rather be tied up." The younger boy had to bite his lip to keep from groaning, his back arching up into Ben. That didn't go unnoticed to the older boy, who smirked in response against Joe's skin. 

"Naughty boy, you like that." Nails bite into the palms of Joe's hands in a fruitless attempt to fight the shivers stroking down his spine. The steady breathing heating his skin and Ben's voice sent goosebumps pricking up his neck. "Another time, yeah?" The slow drag of a tongue had Joe gasping. 

"Y-yes, please, just do something." He whined pushing his hips up to meet Ben's. 

"Of course, Love." Was his only reply, mumbled into skin before teeth made contact. The hand under his shirt pulled the fabric, leaving more of Joe's pale skin exposed to the cool air in the dorm. All the boy underneath him could do was gasp and arch against the firm body above him. 

Ben pulled away with a loud whine from Joe, letting go of his wrists to pull the other's shirt completely over his head. Joe helping him take his own shirt off that he had been too jet lagged to care about last night. That short amount of time gave Joe the opening to flip them over, a playful smirk tugging at his bitten lips. 

"Tables have turned, Benny." 

"Seems that way, yes. But jokes on you I happen to enjoy the view," Ben picked his head up and slid his arms underneath, propped up by flat pillows and his arms. He took in the beautiful sight above him, taking in every detail from Joe's hands splayed out low on his hips to the teeth bitting into the already well bitten bottom lip. If he could wake up to this beautiful boy next to him everyday, Ben knew he would be content for life. 

"... I want to take care of you this time, Benny. Will you let me?" Hands slid out from under the older boy to rest of the other's hips. Joe had never looked so uncertain, like if he said or did something wrong he would go tumbling off the bed and Ben would be on the night flight home. 

So, he wrapped his arms around the boy and sat up. Cradling Joe in his arms. "If you want to stop we can. This isn't about sex, Joe. I won't be angry with you and I certainly won't be angry if you want to try something new. I love you and I never want you to be uncomfortable," the blonde leaned forward to press a feather light kiss to Joe's nose helping melt whatever nerves he was feeling. 

"I love you too," Joe rocked his hips once, twice, before speaking up once more. "And I've never been as comfortable with anyone as I am with you. So, thank you." And then his lips crashed into Ben's and his arms wrapped around his neck. They rocked together in a slow rhythm, soft moans being swallowed up between them. Their collective spit connected them when Joe pulled away, staring breathlessly at the other. Before he ducked down and tentatively sucked at the skin where shoulder meets neck. 

Ben let out a breathy groan, his fingers tangling in Joe's hair. The other sucked and nipped at the pale skin until hickeys were prominent, standing out and drawling attention. Joe wanted to make sure the world would know Ben wasn't single and was well taken care of on top of it. The thought of how social media would blow up about it if and when they saw made the younger boy smile deviously in triumph. 

Once he was sure the blonde would have difficult hiding all the marks he had lovingly left, Joe pulled away and moved down the muscular body below him. Hands moving down broad shoulders and a toned chest, feeling the muscles underneath move. His hands stopped at the older boy's pant line, sending a smirk to Ben. "Ready to have your mind blown?" That was a challenge that Ben was definitely up for.

"Oh? We'll just have to see about that, now won't we?" He shot back, never breaking eye contact.

"There will be no room for doubt once I'm done with you, Babe." That was a promise Joe had no problem keeping. Before Ben could send a witty retort, Joe had already started on the top button to his jeans. Making quick work of that before leaning over. If he had a camera he would have made sure to take a picture at every angle of Joe innocently looking up at him every so often while working his zipper down with his teeth like it was nothing. Ben made a mental note to keep his phone at arms length next time they slept together. They wiggled Ben out of his jeans and a plain pair of boxers. 

Ben hips stuttered when he felt hot breath fan out over the tip of his cock. A hand gripped at the base, giving it a gentle squeeze. Another breath left the older boy waiting impatiently for the other to do something. When he saw Joe stick his tongue out and wink, a sigh left between his lips in relief. Eyes closing in anticipation of pleasure that never came. 

A wet heat was what had Ben opening his eyes to find Joe drooling over his cock, letting it trail down to the base before his hand started to slowly pump. It was torturously slow, the way Joe's hand slid over him like teasing him was the other's life mission. Another annoyed huff left from between his lips when the hand stopped moving, gripping at the base. Before Ben felt another breath that sent shivers up and down his spin. 

Joe continued this for what felt like forever to the blonde, pressing his tongue against the underside and dragging the muscle slowly back to the tip before pulling away to blow another breath against the wet patch of skin. When Joe leaned in to lick another line down the shaft, Ben's fingers tangled in ginger locks. Attempting to get lips wrapped around his cock. 

"What's wrong? Can't handle it?" 

"... you're such a bloody tease, you know that?"

"So I've been told." 

Before Ben could come back with his own quip, Joe sucked the tip between his lips. Hollowing out his cheeks and bobbing his head at a snails pace. A string of moans and curses were ripped from him, long fingers tightening in Joe's hair. He slurped his way back to the tip, swiping his tongue over the slit and relishing in the salty taste of precum. 

"You are so good to me, Love." Ben breathed, "you look so beautiful around me." Hips stuttered and caused Joe to choke before he picked up speed and let Ben drag him along his cock. "Love you, Joe. Beautiful boy, my beautiful boy." Joe couldn't stop the moan that came rumbling from deep in his throat, making Ben groan as he continued to praise the other. 

Joe pulled off with a pop, drool trailing down to his chin. Their eyes met, chests both heaving for two very different reasons. The younger of the two looked completely wrecked, a trail of drool trailing down from the corner of his mouth, eyes glazed over, and hair a complete mess from Ben's pulling. Arms hooked under his armpits and pulled him up into Ben's lap, their lips crashing together once more. "Beautiful boy, need you, Love." Ben helped Joe wiggle out of his pants, only pulling away so they could gasp a breath. 

The younger boy leaned carefully in Ben's lap, opening the nightstand and pulling out the lube and condoms he stuffed in there the day after their date. He silently thanked Rami again for the useful gift. "Always prepared aren't we, Love." Ben smirked, sucking on Joe's bottom lip. 

"For you, always." He moved so he could roll the condom on and snapped the cap off the lube to slick up his hand. 

"Have to get you ready for me," Ben sighed when he felt that wonderful hand wrap around him once more. There was a whine from the boy above him and he chuckled. "I'll be quick, Lovely. I don't want to hurt you, is all." And with that he laid Joe back until he was laying against the mattress once more, getting his fingers slick with lube before poking at the tight ring of muscle.

A soft moan slipped from Joe, relief sinking in at finally being touched. He felt himself slowly stretching as Ben's middle finger sunk deeper inside, hips thrusting to get him just a little deeper. Before long he was moving, hitting that little bundle of nerves that made Joe's toes curl. Another finger was added, scissoring Joe open nice and slow to make sure Ben wouldn't hurt the boy in anyway. 

"Ok, ok. I'm ready, god, just hurry up already." The annoyed huff made Ben chuckle, pulling his fingers out and sitting back in a sitting position. 

"Come on then," Joe didn't have to be told twice. He lined up above the older boy, using his shoulders as his balance, and started to sink slowly over the tip. They both groaned as he lowered himself until Ben bottomed out. Neither moved, Joe relishing in the feeling of being full and Ben in the tightness surrounding him. "Beautiful boy. My beautiful boy.. love you." 

Joe started to rock his hips, using his grip on Ben's shoulder to help lift himself up and seat himself completely. His face buried deep in the crook of Ben's neck, gasping curses into the skin. They moved together like that, Ben lifting his hips to meet Joe every time he would drop himself back down. Moans filled the small dorm room with the springs of the much too old bed groaning at the exert. 

"I love you, Joe." It was pressed against his ear with a breathy moan following after. "Love you so much. So glad I have you." 

The ginger started to slow after awhile, the feeling in his legs was slowly fading and every so often Ben’s upward thrusts would cause the blunt head to smash up deliciously against the bundle of nerves that made Joe’s head spin. When Joe’s muscles started to burn and finally give in, he gave up with a long whine. Trying his best to lift his body once more and pull groans from the lips pressed to his ear. 

“Tired baby?” The younger boy only nodded, pushing the tip of his nose into Ben’s skin. He only chuckled and carefully laid the other on the sheets that had mostly been thrown around and kicked off at this point. “I’ll take over from here then, Love.” A kiss was pressed into his forehead before hips snapped and a long gasp was ripped from Joe. 

They didn’t last much longer than that, Ben already far gone from Joe’s earlier blow job and Joe close from Ben’s constant abuse against that spot that drove him wild. The younger of the two came first across both of their chests with Ben following soon after, Joe tightening up around him being too much. Ben recovered first, pulling out and tossing the tied condom in the trash by Joe’s bed. He tried to ignore all the empty bottles that had been hazardous kicked the previous night as he slipped into his boxers and made his way to the small bathroom to clean Joe up. 

It was hard to ignore the almost empty bottle perched on the sink or the smell of vomit that circulated the room. Almost tripping, he noticed the floor was littered with old empty bottles. It looked as though someone had bought out a small liquor store and had a party just in the bathroom. Ben hoped Joe hadn’t drank all of these by himself. Praying the two boys who lived in the dorm were just extremely messy. 

Remembering what his original plan was, he grabbed a mostly clean wash cloth and wet it under the sink. Wiping himself up then moving towards the bed to clean off the recovering boy. 

“Okay?”

“Hungry,” was mumbled while the boy moved to rest against the brick wall. Already having completely wrapped himself in the duvet. Ben smiled, plopping down on the bed and pulling the bundle of blankets closer. 

“Wanna go grab a bite then?” 

“Mr. Hardy, are you, per chance, asking me out?” Joe joked, putting on his best over dramatic look of surprise. 

“If you’ll have me.”

“Let’s go then, ‘fore it gets too late and I’m stuck chomping on leftovers.”

They both dressed after Ben convinced Joe to remove himself from the warm cocoon he had made for himself. The younger boy plunked up Ben’s shirt before he had a chance to with a, “I think I deserve a boyfriend shirt, ya?”. No arguing with that, liking the way Joe looked wearing his shirt even if it was a little baggy on the boy. It was cute and the smell of the blonde comforted Joe more than anything else. 

Walking hand in hand, Joe warned Ben not to make fun of his old raggedy car that he had bought the first few weeks of him moving to LA. He remembered thanking his lucky stars he had been smart enough all throughout high school to save every penny he got from working or holidays when his family would send money in cards, small messages of love and hope of the future written inside. Joe had had enough money for a small selection of cars, choosing the cheapest and car with the least amount of miles and driving off that same day. 

It was freedom, spreading his wings and being able to just take off whenever. Drives had always been one of Joe’s favorite things. Taking his sister with him once he had gotten his licenses and was able to afford a car. They rode all around town, blasting all kinds of music and singing their hearts out. It warmed Joe’s heart to see his sister physically relax on their drives. Being away from home for as long as the pair could without getting themselves into too deep of trouble. Joe was thankful his parents didn’t seem to care much for his sister, never spitting harsh words at her and leaving her mostly alone. 

He remembered how nice it had been, being able to up and leave whenever he felt like it. When his teachers had decided to bury him in work Joe would drive off to one of the parks outside of the city. Finding the biggest tree he could and plopping himself under it to get the fresh air he needed to actually study. When the winter season moved in he would sit at the bench facing a very much frozen lake and enjoy the sounds of laughing children throwing snowballs or just how beautiful nature could be, mysterious but very much still beautiful. Staying out until his fingers were numb and his feet ached from the freezing winds. 

“Why would I make fun of you, Love? Your car is perfect.” An eyebrow was raised in Ben’s direction. “Well it drives and gets you places, doesn’t it? Sounds like a good enough car to me.” 

“Shut up and get in, would you.” Joe threw an old sweatshirt into the backseat that was mostly clean besides at few articles of clothing and a chip bag or two. Ben smiled and got in, making himself comfortable and buckling up. 

It was mid afternoon when they finally decided on a place to eat. Ben jokingly commenting every so often about Joe’s complaining and his grumbling stomach. They ended up at a small, hole in the wall diner. Hoping it would be easiest with Ben around sticking out like a sore thump. 

“How many?” A younger women, maybe mid thirties, stood from behind the beautiful old time marble counter. She was twisted just enough to be able to see them, but her hand was hovering over the little chubby where they kept their menus. Her hair was a rich burgundy, tied up in a tight bun. A beautiful ring adorned her ring finger, a simple diamond with a gold band. She wore what looked to be the uniform for the diner, a pair of work pants and a matching t-shirt with their name on it. 

“Two, please.” Joe answered first, smiling politely. 

“Follow me,” She smiled and lead them towards one of the many empty booths with a window facing in towards the high top counter and barstools. They slid in to face each other and thanked the women when their menus were placed down. “My name’s Anna and I’ll be your server. Can I get you two anything to drink?” She sounded tired, but tried to pull her best voice forward. 

“Water’s fine, thank you.” Joe nodded in agreement, vowing to get the biggest glass of orange juice with his food once they ordered. Anna nodded politely and went off to get their drinks leaving them alone. 

“So, are you excited to film again,” Joe started, turning through the pages of the aged menu, “I’m stoked to see if. First season was really good even though I didn’t care much for your costar. I mean she’s not really all that in my opinion.” 

Ben thanked whatever god was out there because if he had a drink he would have chocked. He had totally forgotten that he had made up a lie for Joe, not wanting to be sent back to England once the boy found out he had put his career in jeopardy for him. His gaze moved from the table to Joe who was engrossed in one of the pictures of a breakfast sandwich. 

“... yeah,” Ben coughed into his fist. Feeling like a complete prat for lying to Joe, “I’m excited just not excited to see most of those people. They aren’t the friendliest cast I’ve had the pleasure to work with.” He laughed nervously, glad Joe didn’t bother to look up to questions him. 

Their drinks were brought to the table before the conversation could go any further and Ben was thankful for that too. 

“Alright, boys, what can I get you.” She took down their orders, nodding to let them know she was listening. Collecting their menus and leaving them be to talk while their food was made. 

Ben watched Joe hit the bottom of his straw to the table, sliding the paper off and balling it up next to his drink. He took a sip, ripping the paper into small pieces. The blonde, unfortunately, didn’t take note to this small detail and Joe was ready to wreck him. 

“So, how did you do on your midterm? You were so tired you never texted me, Love.” Guilt settled into Joe’s heart, but he pushed it aside as not to ruin their time together. 

“... I got the highest marks in my classes.” Joe’s voice was soft, Ben noticed, almost like he didn’t want to talk about it. 

The hand that squeezed his made the guilt attack at him a little more. Why was this man so perfect? 

“I’m so proud of you, I knew you could do it. All that studying paid off.” Ben was beyond the moon proud of Joe, knowing the boy deserved the high marks from how hard he had studied during the time before the tests themselves. Not waiting till last minute like he and Gwilym would do on more than one occasion. 

Ben remembered the long nights of studying the night before, barely being able to get out of bed to even make it to the test. Somehow, he had kept decent enough marks to pass and he was happy enough with that. 

He was knocked out of his thoughts when something wet smacked dead center to his forehead. One glance from Joe told Ben all he needed to know. The younger boy was guilty. 

“What on earth was that?” Ben noticed the plastic straw was missing from Joe’s glass. 

A shrug, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, baby.” 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about you little sneak. Spitting things at me, are you?” He leaned forward, chin rested on his knuckles. 

“I would never, Benny.” A fake gasp had Ben cracking a smile. 

“Where were you today, about two minutes ago then? Got an alibi do you, Lovey?” The older boy leaned back, sending Joe a look that let him know Ben knew he was suspicious of him. 

Joe leaned forward, smirking, “why, I was sitting across a very handsome blonde who was very much lost in thought.”

“So, you’re saying you were sitting here,” Ben pointed to Joe’s side of the booth, “at perfect spit ball angle with an already distracted victim. A missing straw with your DNA on it. Mr. Mazzello, your case isn’t looking strong.” 

A scoff, “I had nothing to do with that spitball incident. You can’t go around blaming innocent bystanders. I want a lawyer.” Joe demanded. 

The stared at each other for seconds before bursting out in fits of laughter. It was moments like these that made Ben’s heart melt further for the boy. 

How long can these moments really last... and how much more could they hide?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say halfway through writing smut (like I was already 3,000 words in) I was like, wow this is really difficult for me to write huh. But I was already 3,000 words in I wasn’t about to erase that shit. Detective Ben makes me weeeeeet... sorry i’ll go home. Oooof and writing tender moments between them melt my icy heart but like... it won’t last long. Expect fluff and then... well not fluff next chapter. Hopefully it won’t take me too long to write it.
> 
> I read all your comments btw and you guys honestly make my day. Thank you for all the support so far. Honestly when I first wrote this I was like ‘no way is anyone gonna wanna read this trash’ but like agh you guys proved me wrong and I’m sobbing.
> 
> Thank you!!
> 
> 3.18.19: P.S updating soon lovies! Like tomorrow if not late tonight. Almost done chapter 15 and well.... it’s a lot


	15. I Am Losing It Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was honestly hard to write... I know I say that every chapter but I get ideas and then I’m like ‘that’s stupid’ or ‘that’s very ooc for this fic’. Annnnyway I hope you like this one! Next one will be up... um soonish

“Ever think about the future?” 

They were laying in the back of Joe’s rugged old car, the legs tangled and bodies contorted to fit on the seats. Parked at the same spot they had had their first date at. The stars twinkling above them and the moon lighting up the sky in a romantic sort of way only the moon ever could. Joe’s head lie comfortably on Ben’s chest with the older boy playing with his hair. Their breathing in sync. Snuggling up closer with a soft hum, Joe looked up at Ben with a lazy smile. 

“Hm, yeah. All the time,” a yawn broke up his sentence. “My parents always wanted me to work a 9-5 job, get married, have kids, and die. Fun, right?”

Ben snorted, “sounds like a real lively experience.” His fingers went from playing with Joe’s hair to messaging his scalp with skilled fingers. “I always imagined myself an actor. My parents were nervous when I told them, but still supported me.” A small smile spread across his face remembering how supportive his parents have always been. “I used to be in all kinds of plays at schools and when the town I lived in started up with their own festivals and such I was apart of those too. I remember my parents were always front row cheering me on.” 

“... they sound like lovely people,” was the mumbled response. Joe didn’t want to come off as rude, but he was broken up by the fact his parents had never been the same way. They drilled into him, ‘get good grades, apply for an office job, get married to a nice girl, and have kids.’. Nothing had ever been said beyond that. 

“They’d love you, Joe. My mum would be fussing all over you,” the heart filled laugh and vibrated throughout Ben’s chest caused a small smile to spread over Joe’s face. 

“I’m sure I’d love them too.” They grew silent once more, the only sound being their heart beats and calmed breathing. 

“What about you?” Ben piped up, nails scratching gently into Joe’s scalp.

“What do you mean?” 

“Clearly you never wanted a ‘normal job’ like your parents did. So, what did you want?” Ben asked once more. 

The younger boy took a moment to think about it. He remember being young and wanting to be silly things like a secret agent or ninja, but he quickly grew out of that once he was forced to grow up and watch for his sister. Then Joe wanted to be a police officer because he remembered loving eating donuts at the little coffee shop next to his childhood home. Quickly growing out of that too when their neighbors would call the police for noise compliments. 

Then he fell in love with books. Reading as often as he could to get away from home and be in whatever fantasy land he wanted to be in. He could go on any adventure he wanted to whenever he wanted. Become a wizard one day and be a mutant who could fly wherever they wanted the next. That’s what had him starting to write when he started middle school. Writing as often and as much as he could. No one ever read it besides his sister when he thought it was good enough for her. 

Mary loved his stories, how vivid and beautiful he could describe things and all the worlds he could think of. She would get lost herself, disappointed when she got the the end of what he wrote or listening to him beat himself up on a chapter when he got stuck. 

“I went through a lot of phases, but I always wanted to be a writer from a very young age. I’m just hoping one day someone will read my book besides my sister.” He had started to play with the hem of his shirt out of nerves. 

“Are you kidding? I’m sure it’ll be amazing! I’ll read it and I’m sure Lucy, Gwil, and Rami will love it too. We’ll be promoting the hell out of it, Love.” A kiss was placed at the top of his head, the arms around him giving him a tight squeeze. 

“Then we can celebrate. All of us and, of course, our ten kids.” Ben finished with a cheeky smirk.

“Ten? That’s a bit overkill, Babe.” 

Ben shifted so he could crane his neck and look at the younger boy’s face. “Don’t think I can knock you up that many times, Love?” 

“No, I just think we’ll need a big house.” Joe started matter-a-factly. ”I think three is the limit.” 

“Five.” 

“Four.”

“Six.”

“Ok, fine, five.” They shared a laugh before falling back into comfortable silence, drifting slowly off into sleep embraced by the full moon and twinkling stars. 

Ben was getting frustrated. He loved Joe, don't get him wrong, but he couldn't push aside the fact that Joe was hiding something. Every time he talked about the time they had been apart it seemed the younger boy shut down, changing the subject. Becoming quite, losing his brilliant smile, and distancing himself. It had been this way for a few days now. 

What bothered him even more was that Joe, instead of talking to him when he had trouble sleeping, would sneak off to god knows where at the early hours of the morning. Before the sun would fully raise and would disappear until the sun was fully peaked over the horizon. Ben would spend that time tossing and turning trying to think of reasons for Joe sneaking off. 

What if Joe was off drinking alone. Buying more bottles and drinking more liquor than his body could handle. He could by crying all alone, drowning his sorrows instead of shaking Ben awake so he could help. It broke Ben's heart to think of the other boy all alone, but it also scared him. 

With the younger boy not opening up, he still had no idea why there had been so many bottles scattered along the floor. And what if it wasn't just alcohol. Joe had talked to Ben on one of there few days about their college days. Telling the older boy he had never dabbled in drugs, never really seeing the point. The effects scared him, especially because they varied person to person. What if the younger boy had finally had enough and had found someone to sell him something. 

That made Ben nervous. Anything could happen. He had done his fair share of smoking back in college and every now and again at parties, but he always knew where it was coming from. Joe didn't. Whatever the person was selling could be laced with anything and that scared Ben, never wanting anything to happen to Joe if he could stop it or help. 

Then there was his own problem. Moving from the bed to look out the single window and wonder how much longer he could possibly hide everything from Joe. Thoughts about the future plaguing him when the other boy wasn't around to chase them away with sweet kisses and a laugh that made Ben's heart swell. Nerves caused him to smoke more often than not, making a mental note to remind himself he would need to make a quick stop and pick up more. 

So far, no one had bothered him. The producer and director hadn't contacted him since Ben had called and let them know what was going on, or let them in on as little as possible. It wouldn't last forever. His agent would speak up if she hadn't already, spewing hate and finding ways to end the career he worked so hard for. She was spiteful and Ben knew she wouldn't have any problem making up lies to ruin him. 

Impatiently waiting and counting down the seconds until their happy little bubble was popped by reality. The older boy thought about what he would do if his acting career was over so soon. Going back to modeling was always an option, but the thought of going back to just being a pretty face haunted him. Especially after the huge accomplishment he just made not even three whole months ago. 

Another option would be just to give up altogether and get a 'normal' job like everyone else back in London. Or he could try working on smaller projects until bigger names wanted to work with him again. Maybe he could convince Joe, if he wasn't totally pissed at him for lying, for them to live in LA for a little bit. He could always model here and it couldn't be that hard to find work. 

They could be together more easily then. Finding a cute little apartment they could live in together near campus. Ben making breakfast for the two before Joe hurried off to class with a kiss. When he started to miss home terribly he could get him and Joe on the first plane to London to stay with his parents out there. Then he could show the younger boy the little town he grew up in and drive him out to the countryside to lie in the grass and have a real picnic. 

Maybe even convincing the boy to move out to Britain once they had been together a little longer and the ginger had finished up college, staying out in the countryside where Joe could write to his hearts content. A cute little house with a huge backyard and plenty of space for their ten kids and pets to run around in. Ben taking care of them until Joe's book became a hit all over the world.

What a lovely love story. 

"Can you... well I wanna show you something." 

It was another late night for them, the two had spent most of their days together cuddled up watching old movies and enjoying the other's company. The two had, luckily for Ben, stayed out of the public eye as often as they could. Ordering take away and going out to very hole in the wall places. The older boy couldn't be happier, considering he hadn't heard from the director or his agent in days. He didn't want to end up being questioned and stalked by press on why he was here instead of London where filming had already started. 

Tonight was the same as any other night, Joe sitting between Ben's open legs with his head rested on his chest. They were watching one of Joe's absolutely favorites, Jurassic Park, and Ben couldn't get enough of the Jurassic facts under Joe's sleeves. Halfway through, though, Joe had become a little distant which threw Ben off. Normally the boy was so happy and witty, but it seemed he had been distracted all day. Coming out of bouts of unaware and coming back to Ben with a soft smile. 

"Of course, Love." Joe could feel Ben's voice with his chin rested up against his ever growing ginger locks. Arms wrapped loosely around the older boy but the presence was very much still there. 

The younger boy shut the laptop and wiggled his way out of Ben's arms. He picked up whatever he could find on the floor which happened to be one of Ben's shirts and a pair of his own jeans he had worn the other day, before pulling Ben up by his hand. "Pants on, Baby. We're going outside." Joe gave the older boy a good slap when he bent over to pick up clothes, winking when the other looked back with a laugh and a huge smile. 

Once Ben got dressed, slipping a light sweatshirt on after throwing on a top. Joe grabbed the other's hand and they left the small room. It was still light out, the oranges and purples mixing in the late afternoon sky. A beautiful time to be outside just do get some fresh air with how nice the weather was. It wasn't so hot that you felt like you were cooking, with a nice breeze passing every so often to cool you after the suns rays had been abusing your skin. 

They moved slowly with their hands swinging like children. Joe was walking slightly ahead, leading the other wherever it was he wanted to take him. It wasn't a far walk either, Ben noticed, as they had only been walking for a good few minutes before Joe started to slow further until he finally stopped. 

Ben looked to see it was a small coffee shop. It was strange, seeing a place that you would expect to be packed completely empty. The lights inside were all out creating a spooky sort of vibe. From the outside it looked as though time had completely stopped moving inside the little shop. Chairs were neatly set up by their respective tables and the floors clean without a single straw wrapper or crumb from a snack. Ben did notice, however, one singular chair set up by the very far back of the shop. Facing the outside world. It looked so... lonely. Out of place. As if someone sat there every hour of every day waiting for someone to take notice of them people watching out the window or, maybe, watching the weathers constant shift. Never being affected by the outside world. 

Ben turned his attention back to Joe who had paused right at the door as if he was afraid to interrupt the calm silence inside. You could see how tense he was, shoulders stiff and the hand holding Ben's was tightening its grip. A sign written on what looked like white printer paper was posted on the door in large black font, 'Closed Temporarily'. Then, another sign below it, large than the other and on what looked like a large poster board, read 'In Loving Memory Ms. Rosie. May You Rest In Peace'. Almost every inch of the board had been signed by, Ben assumed, school staff and students. 

A deep breath fogged up the glass of the front door before the unoccupied hand came up and pushed the door open. Joe stepping in first and Ben following close behind. The smell of coffee hit first, still strong as if someone had just brewed a fresh cup. 

Looking around Ben could see the entire shop was wall papered in a beautiful almond color, a pattern of coffee cups lined itself around the walls. The simple white counter faced the window, small but big enough for two people to stand behind. Machines lined the back with enough room to make whatever coffee you could think of. Ben could just make out in the very back of the shop were stairs, but decided to wait to ask what that was about. 

"Are we allowed to be here?" Ben asked after a few moments. Breaking the silence here felt wrong, as if he was disturbing someone. 

Joe didn't say a word, instead letting go of Ben's hand and moving to sit at the lonely chair facing the window. Ben watched him go, finding it odd how well the boy fit in with that lonely seat. 

It broke his heart. 

Then it clicked

"Is this... is this where you disappear to at night?" Ben asked, slowly approaching the shrinking boy. Trying to make himself disappear right before the other's eyes. Maybe to blend in and become apart of the shop itself, having time stop right in front of his eyes. 

"... I'm sorry. I just have trouble sleeping some nights." Joe mumbled. His knees had been pulled up to his chest carefully with his chin resting on his knees. 

"Love, it's ok. If you ever need to talk just wake me up. I'll always be here for you." Ben had finally made it to stand directly behind the boy, their reflections casting back into the shop. A hand came down to squeeze the younger boy's shoulder in an attempt at comfort. Joe didn't mind. 

"I know..." it was barely above a whisper. "That's why I brought you here. I think- I think I'm ready to talk about it now..." Joe turned his head. Teeth were gnawing at his bottom lip, "...if you're willing to listen..." 

"Of course, Lovely." Ben silently pulled up a chair, still feeling a sense of disturbing when the chair was moved from its place.

A pregnant silence fell over the two, fitting in with time once more and the shops settled atmosphere. Then Joe spoke up with a soft voice, "Someone I really care about passed. She... she was like a mother to me, ya know? If it weren't for her I wouldn't have been able to go to the Golden Globes... or met you."

"It was sudden and that's why I was so distant. I wasn't sure what to do. I've never lost someone so close to me before so I kind of just panicked." Ben rested a hand on Joe's knee, giving it a supportive squeeze. "I yelled at Rami and I refused to go to my classes. I trashed our room and... I drank myself to sleep." Joe had to stop and take a breath to stop himself from crying, not wanting to seem over emotional. 

"She didn't have much family so, she left everything to me..." he made a gesture to the little shop frozen in time, "this is all mine. And she left me money and her little apartment. It was all too much. So, I drank and when I couldn't sleep I drank more. It was horrible, Ben. I'm sorry for shutting you out." 

Ben pulled his chair as close as he could get it, "it's ok, Love. I wish you would have told me sooner so you weren't fighting this alone." He kissed the tears that slipped before wrapping Joe up in a tight hug.

"There's more..." It was a nervous mumble that made Ben nervous. The heavy weight of guilt on his heart too heavy too carry. 

"I want to a bar... the other night. I-" Joe refused to look at Ben, keeping his gaze to the bottom of the wall where the coffee pattern wrapped. "I drank and was talking to this guy.." 

Ben's heart picked up in speed, skipping a few beats. Praying and hoping Joe wouldn't say what would absolutely tear him to shreds.

"We- well he made me dance with him and I had fun. The most fun I had since you left. And then..." Joe took a deep breath, "he let me try to smoke... something I'm not sure what it was... but he kissed me and I swear it didn't go any further than that." The younger boy pulled away, pleading eyes spearing through Ben's heart as he rambled on. "I pushed him away and got sick before I went home." 

"...When was this...?" Ben's voice came out so soft, a soft rumble, that Joe was afraid he wouldn't be able to hear him. 

"The.. the day you called me." 

"And... you promise nothing happened?" It was hard for Ben. To think about Joe cheating on him. Wanting to believe every word, but finding it hard with his past history. 

"I swear I pushed him away, Benny. I would never intentionally cheat on you. I care about you too much." Ben had to take a moment to steady his breathing and ignoring all dark thoughts ripping at his brain and destroying his heart. He wanted to believe, but he was finding it hard. What if this was just the first of many times. How could he trust Joe... and how would his loss in trust effect their already strained relationship. "... Ben ...?" It was slow and unsure, tearing Ben apart further. He didn't want Joe to hurt, knowing he had already been through enough and Joe had at least been honest and told him what happened. 

"Alright," he nodded slowly. Hoping his voice would work and his heart would slow. 

"Alright?" Leaning in with a look full of hope. 

"Alright." 

"I love you, Benny." 

Ben nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat while being wrapped up in Joe's arms. Never did he feel so unsure about a touch, Ben tensed up. Slowly having to find the nerve to hug the younger boy back. If Joe noticed he never mentioned it. Ushering the two slowly back to the dorm to lay back and finish the movie. The older boy keeping his distance, choosing to lean against the wall instead of the pile they made out of Joe and Rami’s pillows. Joe propped up leaning in to make sure he could watch the movie. 

He didn’t pay much attention, his eyelids heavy. 

When Ben woke he found himself laying in a field, tall grass sounding him. His mind clouded by the lag of sleep, finding himself more confused than refreshed. The sky was blue with fluffy clouds lazily moving past. The weather was beautiful, barely a push of wind out and the sun shining down enough to warm but not too harsh. As Ben looked around he realized he had never seen this place before. Maybe something familiar back home, but not here in LA. Oddly enough, he wasn't scared. His surrounding had a relaxing calm to him as the countryside always did. 

Sitting up fully he could only see grass in the far distance. Finding a little cottage only after doing a full 180 of the field. He decided to move closer to the building, confusion etched into his face. As he moved closer, he heard a shrill scream that sent him looking all around. Another scream, this one followed by a squeal of laughter followed. 

"Found you! Come here, Princess!" A playful yell echoed throughout the empty field. 

"Gotta catch me first, Daddy!" 

As Ben moved closer he could see the little girl, acid washed overalls and thick blonde hair in cute pigtails, running as fast as he tiny legs could. She squealed as the other figure started to close in on her, Ben still not being able to make out the figure. 

She almost made it to her goal, the large tree a good run from the cottage. The blonde could see it wasn't just her there, but an older boy and an older girl too. They ushered her closer, egging her on, trying to help while not getting off base. Then just as the figure was closing in another pulled the little girl up and helped put her little hand to the bark. 

"Now, Lovie, you can’t cheat.” As Ben grew closer he could finally make out one of the two figures. It was Joe, much older, holding the little blonde girl in his arms with a playful smirk on his face. He had been watching his family play with a smile and couldn’t help but step in to help the blonde out, always having a soft spot for her. 

“Benny, Love, it’s not cheating. I was simply helping a teammate out.” The little girl giggled before sticking her tongue out at what Ben could make out as... an older version of himself. 

“Don’t be mad cause you lost, Daddy. Maybe you just need to be faster,” the little girl quipped and Joe laughed. 

“Oh yeah?” Ben smirked before he snatched her up and twirled her around with a laugh, her squealing all the while. It was beautiful. Something Ben craved and yarned for in his future. Hoping Joe will want to stick around for the long haul. 

Then everything changed, it became dark and he spoke up with his heart pounding. Shooting out of bed with green eyes darting around the dark room. He tried to make out his surroundings, but his eyes refused to adjust to the dark. Someone shifted beside Ben and his focus changed from trying to figure out where he was to the figure beside him.

“What’s wrong, Baby?” That wasn’t Joe’s voice. It was girly and high pitched. 

It was her. 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Hon.” Her fingers burned when she sat up to run her fingers in soothing circles on his back. It felt like fire, making him break out into a nervous sweat. Heart thumping at a million miles per hour and his breathing erratic. He pushed her away and tried to get up so quickly he ended up on the floor, the old wood from the flat they had once shared haunting him. 

“Benny?”

That was Joe’s voice. 

A breath of relief left Ben before his eyes moved to look over the ginger. What he noticed first were the dark hickeys covering the expanse of his neck and collarbone. Arms were wrapped around his waist and a nameless blonde had their head buried into his neck. 

He hadn’t noticed he was crying till he started to gasp for air, tears wetting his bare legs. Sobs racked his entire body with his chest tight and eyes burning. 

“Benny, what’s wrong, Baby?” The hand burned like a hot iron against his skin. Ben pushes himself back from the edge of the bed, as far as he could get. Shaking and gasping for air when his chest started to burn from lack of oxygen. 

Ben shot out of bed, sweat dripping down his forehead and tears crashing into the sheets below. Hands came up to wipe aggressively at his face, trying to catch his breath while hiding evidence of the nightmare. Joe shifted in his sleep, but made no other indication Ben had woken him up. 

What the hell was that? 

Sliding carefully off the bed he moved to his jacket and grabbed his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Then he moved towards the window with a cigarette hanging from between his lips, trying to open the old creaky window. With force it opened, a whine coming from the wood. Ben lit the cigarette, taking a long drag before pressing his forehead against the cool wall. His body was still drenched in sweat from his nightmare, making him shiver with the slow breeze that blew in every so often. 

Then his phone buzzed a few feet away. Once, twice, three times before he made any more to pick it up. It was Gwil. 

Gwilee  
Ben... have you checked the news lately  
Instagram is blowing up  
Wait  
So is twitter  
Um  
You might want to look at these  
It's important  
Like super important  
Link attached  
Breaking News; Rumor Of Ben Hardy, One Of The Winners Of This Year’s Golden Globes, May Be Kicked OfF Television Show click to read more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? I love writing tender moments and like supportive Ben is my everything. 
> 
> Next chapter there will be... a lot of chaos so get ready
> 
> Comments make my day! :) and I love feedback lovies


	16. Extra Extra; Read All About It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tissues at the ready. Chaos is in full storm.

Former model and golden globe winner, Benjamin Hardy, is supposedly being kicked off television hit Black Iris that has recently been picked up by The CW for a season two. Ben, who plays the main protagonist, Ethan Mayor, in the show did not show up for filming according to Emma Riddleson; Ben's former agent. Ms. Riddleson had been working for Ben for about three years now and has only recently quit.

"Ben never seemed to really care much for his job," she goes on to say, "and it shows as of recently when he leaves London to go and play games back in America,". Emma told The Sun that just days before filming Ben had hurriedly called the director, Oliver Reed, to inform him of his unexpected emergency back in America. "He doesn't have any family there so, I'm not quite sure why he would rush of to America." Emma informs.

"I was shocked when Ben called me two days before filming would start. He didn't even give me much information just said something had come up and he would be back in a week. I can't push back filming because of his foolishness," Oliver goes on to tell us. "If he took this job more seriously he would be much further in this industry. He would have been better just sticking to what he was good at, modeling."

These are only speculations of Hardy's loss on the film. Both his agent and the direct never directing saying he would be kicked from the show.

Fans all across the world go to Twitter and Instagram to give their own speculations on the situation and their feelings of Hardy's possible end.

XxHardybabexX  
if @BenHardy gets kicked off I'm boycotting I stg

Bennysgirl365  
@BenHardy how are y'all gonna just say that he's gonna he kicked off the show when he's 1. The main role in the show AND 2. Who the hell is gonna replace him? I mean really no one can pull of that part like he can. Name me an actor who can... that's right I'm waiting

Jacobfissss  
@BenHardy show won't be the same without you

BeNhArDy  
... smh can't just kick the main character off the show it'll be garbage without @BenHardy anyway. None of those other people can act. Let's be real

Moondustlet  
@BenHardy doesn't deserve all this negativity. Yes it's inconvenient for something to come up last minute right before filming but his last minute emergency must have been very important to him he wouldn't just risk his career for no reason and @EmmaRiddleson @OliverReed can go f themselves if they don't know that. Sending you love from Reading!

Ben Hardy's friends; Lucy Boynton, actress of shows such as A Star Gone Out and Keep Me Grounded, If Only For Now, and her boyfriend Rami Malek theater student at The University of California go on Instagram and Twitter with Gwilym Lee, actor of recent film The Islander, to support their friend.

@LucyBoynoton  
@BenHardy did not just run off to America. Something serious came up but he is going to dive head first into filming once he's back in London. You can count on it

@GwilymLee  
@BenHardy you make sure you settle everything out there and then you come back when you can. We'll settle all this bull while you're out. Your fans won't let the crew let you go mate

@RamiMalek  
@BenHardy can't believe all this fuss. Sorry about all the trouble and thank you for looking after him. He really needed you

Rami's tweet had many speculating that Mr. Hardy was going to America to see a secret lover. Many of the speculations say that the lover is none other then Rami's own friend, Joe Mazzello, English major and third year at The University Of California.

 

 

Photo taken at Golden Globes event. Joe Mazzello to the far left, Gwilym Lee in the middle, and Ben Hardy to the far right of the photo.

Not much is known about Mr. Mazzello only that he is an English major looking into trying out being a novelist. The young college students both attended the Golden Globe awards where allegedly the two had met Hardy.

"I knew he had to be gay," Anna, Ben's date for the Golden Globes answers when asked about the event and more specifically the interactions between the two. "Ben paid no attention to me the whole night, but practically drooled over that guy when we went out to the after party. When I went off looking for him after he disappeared they were dancing together." She goes on to say.

How close are these two boys and are they really dating or is it something much more scandalous? And why would Mr. Hardy sacrifice his career for a nobody?

We are still waiting for Mr. Hardy to make an official statement at this time

The light from Ben's phone lit his face that had the look of absolute horror plastered over it. Knowing his agent was a snake he never imagined her to go to the papers about this. And how was he to hide this from Joe now!

The panic that settled into his chest was alarming just as much as the knots that twisted and threatened to squeeze till he threw up all the junk food he had eaten throughout the day. Taking another long drag of his cigarette, long fingers running through and nervously tugging at the stands, Ben tried to figure out what his next plan of action would be.

Shuffling across the room after putting out his cigarette and tossing it out the window with the others, Ben looked to Joe to find him sleeping soundly facing the expansion of the room. He snuck from the room only after checking to make sure the younger's breathing was still even. Phone in hand he called Gwilym as soon as he was far enough from the dorm to get a little bit of privacy.

"Ben, thank god I thought you might be sleeping." Gwilym answered before the line could go into its second ring. The older boy sounded almost panicked over the phone, worried his friend would be ruined over something like this.

"Gwilym, bloody hell! How long has this been up?" Ben asked, voice shaking.

"A few hours at most. Social media is blowing up over this." Gwilym could hear the shaky breathing and quickly went on to try and calm his friend, "but all of your fans are defending you. They've been going back and forth with the director and your agent since the article went up. It got so bad Anna and Emma both deactivated their accounts."

It was a relief to know people didn't care much about his business and supported him without needing a reason, but there were more things to worry about than just that.

"Gwil, what am I going to do about Joe..."

"I'm sure you both can work this out. I doubt he'll be upset over something like this. You did tell him you'd be missing a few days anyway." The silence had Gwilym raising his eyebrow, "you did tell him, didn't you?"

"No, god Gwil, I didn't want him to get upset and send me packing back to London before he opened up to me."

"Ben... you shouldn't have lied." There was a moments pause before a sigh was heard from the other side. "Look, even so I'm sure you both can still figure something out. Just be honest with each other, yeah?"

Ben slowed his anxious breathing as not to alarm the other. It wasn't like there was much he could do miles away anyway. His heart ached to open up then and there and tell the brunette all that has happened with Joe. How his trust was strained with the boy. The beautiful dream that had turned quickly into the worst nightmare he had had in years. But, he didn't. Instead he made sure his voice didn't shake, "yeah. I'll talk to you later, Mate. Keep me posted if anything else happens."

"Course."

Socks shuffled back to the dorm, slipping in quietly and walking back to his perch at the window. Lighting another cigarette and taking a long drag. It didn't help. Every nerve ending was shaking with anxiety. Of what was to come once Joe woke up or looked at his phone to find the article.

How would Joe react? Would he be completely livid for hiding this and unintentionally ruining his peace and quiet?

On one hand he felt horrible for lying, wanting to wrap Joe in his arms and apologize until he was forgiven. Making Joe's frown break into a full on smile, his laughter filling the room easily after Ben pulled out all his favorite corny jokes.

It would be hard for him to do that after yesterday. Ben didn't know how to feel or if he should even trust Joe. How did he know the younger boy wasn't lying to him? He could have just told him so that he wouldn't find out from someone else, if that was possible. The thought of someone else on the ginger made his stomach twist.

Ben wanted Joe for the long haul. For the late night talks and the stupid arguments over dumb things like what kind of dog they should get, what side of the bed was who's, and who would be doing the dishes. Ready to hit the ground running and work hard, earning money and supporting the two until Joe's masterpiece was finished and published. He wanted what he had dreamt, but it all seemed so far now.

How was he going to trust Joe for their future? Of course trust can be earned back, but how did Ben know it wouldn't happen again? Refusing to be the guy that kept consistent tabs on his significant others. Ben would have to fully trust Joe once more and still fight everyday when kissing the boy goodbye that he may not come home. Being scared to walk into their home to find another in their bed.

The dream terrified him. Being back in that flat, dream or not, had sent Ben falling fast. All recovery he had made seemed millions of miles away while he was still falling from the greatest height his mind could conquer. Her voice making his heart clench and stomach knot and pull. Old wood that should have been pulled up and replaced long ago felt so wrong under his feet.

All he wanted was Gwilym. The older boy always knowing what to say and do to yank him back to reality. Taking his hand as he fell and helping him safely get his feet back on the ground instead of crashing into the earth like a meteor.

Lucy helped when she could, only finding him curled in on himself only a handful of times. When Gwilym couldn't help because he was much too far away, off filming in a distant country. Only bothering to call her when his shaking became too much and he became light headed from trying to gasp for air. She would always rush over, living only a short ride away. Coming in her pjs with her hair sticking up like she had just been lying down for bed, no makeup. "Oh, Benny." It was whispered every time she finally made it into his room to find him curled in on himself, sobs racking his body, breathing hard, face red, and tear tracks staining his cheeks.

He remembered her wrapping him up in her arms and rocking them both until he fell asleep. Whispering how he was safe, reminding him how to breathe so his body didn't have to work so hard. Like when you are underwater for far too long and come up with your lungs begging for air. Waiting until his tears dried and his shaking stopped.

The first two times he had woken embarrassed at his actions. Of calling her over for something so silly. But Lucy, always the sweetheart people know her as, would reassure him with a smile and a motherly like hug. "That's what friends are for, Dear. You call me whenever you need me and I'll be right there, promise."

His pacing, cigarette perched between dry lips, turned into him sneaking out once more to wonder the dorm. One cigarette became the entire pack and he made a mental note to go and pick up more. Which turned into his feet carrying him all the way to the sweet little cafe. Ben wasn't sure what had lead him here, but hoped the door would be unlocked for him. Just to be alone and think for a moment. With baited breath socked feet approached the doors.

It was unlocked.

Slowly shuffling inside, socks wet from the morning dew covering the grass, he moved towards the lonely chair. Feeling as though now he understood the true loneliness there. He almost felt at ease.

Joe woke up to an empty bed, palming over the sheets until he realized it was cold. Ben was gone. Sitting up and stretching, he looked around the room to see if the other boy had just woken up and didn't want to bother him. No such luck.

The entire room was empty, window cracked how Ben always leaves it when he smokes, and clothes missing. His heart calmed when he saw that his suitcase was still there, opened and looking as if it had exploded. Shaking his head, Joe thought of all the places he could have gone. Only thing that came to mind was the cafe, hoping Ben hadn't taken it upon himself to walk around campus. The doors to all the halls were closed since the teachers wouldn't be back till later tonight to set up for classes tomorrow.

So, he threw on clothes and headed over.

What he found was Ben, hunched up into himself with his knees pulled as close to his chest as possible. His head rested in his lap with his back facing the door.

A smile broke over Joe's face. Carefully walking as not to scare the other awake, the younger boy moved over to the chair he had set up.

"Benny, Babe, time to get up." A hand was placed on the older boy's shoulder and carefully shook him awake. Still not wanting to scare the daylights out of the blonde.

Slowly, Ben started to stir. Green eyes fluttered open and a groan left between wet lips, a trail of drool trailing from the corner of his mouth.

"Morning, Babe. Can't believe you fell asleep like this. That had to have been uncomfortable." Experienced fingers worked into his shoulders and rubbed circles into his sore muscles. Ben stretched and cracked his back before looking over Joe who looked so content just staring at the other boy's face. "Beautiful view of the sun rise though. Jealous you didn't invite me." He went on, a laugh in his voice.

Ben didn't say anything, still fogged by sleep and plagued by the memories of last night into the early hours of the morning.

Joe caught on quickly.

"What's wrong, Ben?" He crouched down to get a better look and so the other didn't have to crane his neck to look up at him. Not that he was making eye contact. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"... nothing ..." Ben stared straight ahead, looking out the window.

"That's not true. Please just tell me what's going on, something's wrong."

He still didn't say a word, still broken up by yesterday and now everything he was caught up in now. Instead he pulled his phone from his lap and opened the article up for Joe to read himself.

Then waited in silence for the other to finish.

"You lied to me," Joe hadn't even gotten through half the article before he had stopped and looked up at Ben. "You told me filming didn't start yet." Hurt was written all over his face. "I told you I don't want you sacrificing work for me."

"... you needed me and I wanted to be here."

"I didn't need you I would have been fine," a frustrated sigh left between Joe's lips. "I can't believe you lied about something like this. You should have just told me."

Ben was beyond irritated at this point. While he did lie it wasn't anything big. Maybe he should have been truthful, but he just wanted to make sure Joe was ok and didn't push him away. Now, running his hands through his hair while he paced the floor and scanned over the article, Ben was starting to regret ever getting on that plane.

"Are you serious?" Ben stood for the first time since he got into the cafe. Sleep having long but been chased away by the irritation and anger that was starting to slowly boil.

"What are you talking about?" Joe seemed taken aback, stopping his pacing and taking a moment to gather his footing again.

"I lied about filming because I knew if I told you you would have sent me on the first flight back while you were back here trying to cope with everything. We were all worried sick about you Joe. Gwil, Luce, Rami, god Joe we didn't know what was going on with you. And while you were here..." he didn't finish, having to take a breath. It was so hard for him to even think about let alone say aloud. Brown met glassy green eyes, glazed over.

"You're pissed at me for lying about something small when you... you cheated on me, Joe. After everything I've told you. Why?"

The air shifted. The space around them interrupted by the sound of Ben's broken voice tearing apart the silence and the fist that had come down upon the closest surface it could find. Vibrations tingling up his skin and arm. A loud bang sounding around the room made Joe jump, looking at Ben who looked close to tears at this point.

"I told you, it wasn't intentionally. Why don't you believe me?"

"Because you know everything I've been through. I already had someone I loved hurt me and I trusted you enough to think you wouldn't do the same. How am I ever going to be able to trust you now, Joe? How am I suppose to just go back home after hearing you cheated on me? Intentionally or unintentionally, what if it happens again? What if next time you don't tell me? Huh?" When Joe made no move to answer Ben let out a labored breath, slamming his fist against the table once more. "Damnit Joe!"

"And this hurts so much more because I thought everything was ok! Gwilym and Lucy loved you, we had so many late nights together just talking and enjoying each other's company, it wasn't about me or my money or who I am, we were so open with each other." Moving to lean his body agains the table, his forehead landing not so gentle on the table top. "And it scares me... how quickly I fell for you, Joe. Just for it all to fall apart."

"We can still work this out, Baby. I promise we can. We're stronger than this."

"... I was thinking about the future with you. How I would be willing to work a million times harder for you to be able to have time to work on your book. How proud I would be once it was done. Adopting little monsters to spoil with you." A wet laugh came from the shaking figure. Ben felt like such an idiot. "Who the hell starts planning a future with a stranger? We’ve barely been together... and I wanted this to work so bad.” Ben threw his hands up in the air before moving them back to run through his hair. Itching for another cigarette at this point. "Why did I think it would work out."

Not knowing what else to do, Joe moved to wrap his arms around Ben in an attempt to comfort the older boy who's breathing was becoming more and more uneven.

He shrugged it off.

"... I don't know if this is gonna work... "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. I pray this isn’t coming off as overdramatic let me know so I can edit it some. 
> 
> Anyway hope this is alright  
> Kudos and comments make my day!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t know how I feel about this one guys, but here it is anyway. Hope you enjoy!

Joe's world just about shattered around him, raining over him in jagged pieces that stabbed violently at his heart. Leaving him to bleed out over the floor and without a breath to gasp for help with. Taking one, two, three steps back as shaky fingers glided over the dusty table top. 

He knew this would happen. Sooner or later something was going to happen whether it be Ben getting bored of boring old Joe in his crazy high class life or something coming between them. Shaky fingers came up to wipe falling tears from his eyes, refusing to let the blonde see him breakdown. 

The sad part was, he didn’t know how to make the other believe him. How much he regret going out that night and how the guilt had eaten away at him like acid burning at every inch of him. Joe never meant to kiss anyone that night, remembering only bits and pieces but enough to make him feel absolutely horrible. Knowing everything the other had been through and being everything Ben didn’t want. The thought of letting it go had crossed his mind once or twice, hiding it and letting the guilt eat away at him for the rest of his life or until Ben broke it off. That wouldn’t have been fair to Ben. 

In all honesty, he was more afraid of losing the other boy than anything else. 

"You don't... you don't really mean that, do you?" It came out a barely a whisper, cracking and broken at the edges. All he could do was wait with baited breathe, watching Ben's shoulder's tense further. His back turned to the younger boy with fists clenched and heart pounding in his ears. 

"... to be honest with you ... I don't know." Joe almost didn't hear him, Ben's voice just as broken as his own. "I don't want to lose you, but I'm afraid to keep you." 

They stood there in silence, allowing the stiff air to settle around them. The only sound breaking through the thick silence was the sound of two hearts breaking in unison, trying to fit the pieces back together before bleeding out. Then shuffling echoed off the walls before Joe's arms were wrapped loosely around Ben's frame and his chin coming down to ghost over the other's shoulder. He felt the other boy tense under him, muscles tightening and shattered heart pounding. 

Joe went on anyway praying Ben would soon settle into his touch once more. Speaking in a voice so close to broken with a fighting edge to it, not ready to give up when they'd only just started. Not over something like this. 

"You told me all those months ago to give you a chance; to let you in. I did that. You told me we could fight, that you were willing to fight for us. And damnit if I don't feel the same. We're going to get through this." He took a deep breath, eyes glassy with tears and fingers twitching to hold Ben's clenched fists. "I'm going to win back your trust because you know we can work through this and then we're going to get through the rumors. And I swear if I have to call your ex agent and director myself I'll do it. Because I love you and I'm not losing you without a fight nor am I letting your career get ruined by selfish cunts." 

Ben's body shook in between a wet laugh and a chocked sob. They stayed like that for what felt like forever, Ben sobbing out all the memories and insecurities while Joe helped coax him through it all, wanting to be there for the older boy as much as he had been there for Joe all the times he needed someone. Rubbing soothing circles in Ben's arm and pressing his lips to the other's ear to softly shush him. 

When the shaking started to slow and his sobs turned into little sniffles, Joe moved them to sit at one of the abandoned tables so they could face each other. Ben's eyes were puffy, Joe noticed, his face flushed and tear tracks ran from the corners of his eyes down to his chin. The shirt he had worn to bed was wet at the collar and Joe made a mental note to grab napkins for the older boy to wipe his nose with. 

Reaching over to squeeze at the other's hand before speaking up once more. "We can do this, Benny. I'm ready to fight. For your career, for you, for us." Another squeeze had Ben giving a weak smile back to Joe. "There's my baby." 

"What did I do to deserve you?" 

"I ask myself that all the time." 

While Joe went to grab napkins from the counter, Ben took the time to wipe at his eyes with the heels of his hands and calm his breathing to keep himself from having violent sniffles shake his body. Wiping at his nose once the younger boy came back and slid his thumb over the smooth skin on his cheek. Joe leaned into the soft touch, enjoying the way the rough skin felt sliding over his cheek. 

"It's going to be difficult, ya know? Me trusting you again after everything. I know it seems silly to get upset over something like this, but I never expected her to cheat on me either and she left me without closure." He explained, feeling silly for getting so worked up. 

The memories, though, of trying to sleep with the image of her and that bloke she was with burned into his vision. All the times Gwilym would let him stay with him in his flat, sharing a bed when Ben would come stumbling in either drunk off his ass or a shaking mess. Ben didn't want to go back to that, to the pathetic shell he was after having been coaxed out by Gwilym and Lucy once she joined their friend group. 

"if you really willing to work this out, fight for us. I'm willing to try too. All I’m asking is for you to be patient with me.” Ben smiled softly up at Joe and that's when he knew everything would be alright. They can work through this because they were stronger than this and that's what was so beautiful about their relationship. 

Everything felt almost right again. The pieces of their heart slowly being fixed up and smoothed out. 

"We need to talk about this article." Joe started, pulling it back up on Ben's phone. Ben nodded, already dreading this. "First things first, you need to go back to London." A finger was put up when the older boy tried to protest. "You have to go back to straighten things out and go back to filming. Your fans will riot if you get kicked off... with me as their leader of course. Can't lose my place as number one fan."

They chuckled, knees bumping and fingers interlocked. Joe taking notice and feeling giddy over the fact that Ben was starting to relax, not as tense when they touched. He knew it would take time, but even this was enough to make his worries disappear for a moment. "Fine I'll go back, but what about you? Did you want to come out to the press or do you want to deny us?"

"... what do you want, Ben?" It was slow and unsure like he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. Afraid to answer and have the older boy become angry at the answer. Ben used the hand Joe wasn't nervously clenching, running his fingers through the soft locks of hair that had fallen into the other's face. 

"I want to show you off... and let everyone know you're mine." That had the younger boy breaking into a huge smile, stretching wide across his face. "But with that also means you'll have to deal with people on social media sending hate comments, people stalking us when we go out, and of course people trying to break us up." Fingers played with ginger locks before his thumb was laid on Joe's cheek once more, stroking the soft skin. "Are you ready to deal with that?" 

Joe thought about it. Not much would really change the more he thought about it. They already snuck around on dates, going out of the way so Ben wouldn't be recognized, easily recognized, and it wasn't like he wasn't used to hate. Being on the internet since the beginning, Joe knew how cruel people hidden behind a keyboard could be. That didn't really matter though. 

They would be happy. 

Yeah, maybe the girls in his classes would hate him more than the normally did. And maybe Instagram and Twitter would be a complete shit storm at first when the two announce they are together. None of that matter to Joe. Just the thought of being able to openly hold Ben's hand and post pictures of the two without a care, not afraid of causing trouble for Ben made Joe giddy. 

"Let's do it." They shared a smile. 

"It's settled then." 

The two stayed at the small cafe for just a bit longer cutting through the once too thick to cut air with small talk and Joe's corny jokes. It made them both relax, how easy it was for them to bounce back from something. It meant they were stronger than whatever was trying to beat them down. They could make it.

They settled on Joe's bed once more with Joe sitting between Ben's spread legs, back flush against the other's chest. It had taken a moment or two for Ben to loosen up, his muscles tensing up when he felt Joe settling against him. Once relaxed Ben's fingers found their way back into the ginger's hair. Playing with the hair he loved oh so much with the ginger leaning into the touch. 

Ben had to remind himself that he wasn’t her. Joe would never be her. They were going to work through this and fix it. 

"So, ready to start up with school again?"

"I was actually thinking of taking some time off," Joe started, snuggling back further into Ben. "I haven't gotten a chance to talk about it to, well, whoever I would have to talk to. Especially with everything that's been going on." 

It was true. After a lot of thinking, Joe thought it might be best to take a break from school. Wanting to get the little cafe in order and back on track for the students and of course in her honor as well. Still debating on whether he wanted to move into the little apartment above the shop, debating on if he really wanted to leave Rami. Who knows if the boy wanted anything to do with him after how he treated him. It wasn't anything personal, Joe just... was so upset and he never really knew how to handle that. 

Mary was normally around for his breakdowns. When school became a too much with the pressure put on him by their parents or when work would pile up and he debated every night quitting. Even though he knew if he quit he wouldn't have a dime to call him own, his parents going on and on about what they have done for him. So, Mary would step in. Reminding him that he could, in fact, do this and get through graduation. That work was worth it cause at the end of the day he would have money to buy the things he needed so his parents wouldn't throw it back in his face.

The young girl also reminded him that with money came his car and that was all he needed to remember why he put up with crazy hours. To have that freedom for him and his sister. Being able to drive off to the far ends of New York and treat Mary when she had a bad day at school or when they wanted to get out of the depressing house they were stuck in. 

He really needed to call her soon. 

With all the free time he would have with a semester or so off, Joe would also be able to write. Something he hadn't had time to do since coming to college. With all the course work given Joe didn't have the motivation, ideas, or the time to write even a sentence or the thought of being able to write made him giddy. 

Joe remembered the first time he had actually tried writing something. It was a short little story in middle school with all the superheroes a thirteen year old boy could think of. It had been... well it was awful, but alright for his age. Writing had quickly became something that just came easily to him, pulling ideas from movies, books, songs, even from class while he sat there wishing he could disappear. Pulling himself from his work and writing whatever came to mind had people thinking he was quite strange, but he didn't mind. Who cares, it was something he liked doing. 

It took a while for Joe to actually open up and show off his work to his sister, then his friends. Mary has been over the moon about his stories, ranting and raving about writing more and making different voices for the characters when he read them to her as a way to calm her down and get her to sleep. 

Being able to pull himself back into those days would be difficult, but he was definitely ready for the challenge. 

"Would you... come back with me then?" Joe turned in between Ben's legs, looking at him with a look of pure shock that had the other back tracking quickly. "I mean you don't have to. I just figured it might be fun to show you around and get you out of here, but uh forget I said anything. It was just a suggestion really. I'm sure you have plenty to do back here an-“ 

"Yes."

“Yes?”

Joe leaned up to peak Ben’s lips, “yeah I mean it might be fun. It beats staying here anyway. As long as you have room for me.”

“Course I do, love.” 

Ben was excited to say the least. Wanting to spoil and show Joe off since they had first gotten together, but never wanting to over step and ruin the privacy the boy may want. The ginger never seemed like someone who liked to be in the spotlight, all eyes on him. So, for Joe to not only want to come out and be a public couple throwing a big F U to everyone else AND go back with him to London was exhilarating. 

Thinking of all the things they could get up to. Walking around London without a care, window shopping and buying anything that made that beautiful little tinkle in Joe’s eyes spark. Showing him all his favorite hole in the wall places to eat to avoid all the popular spots with people who would rather be in their business than enjoy a meal. They could explore the countryside and Ben could show off the many houses they could live in one day, far away from spectators or annoying neighbors. 

They could walk around his hometown, showing the younger boy where his little town would put on shows and festivals. Where his love for acting had all started all those years ago. If Joe wanted of course, they could visit his parents too. It had been much too long since Ben had gotten the time to visit with his career blowing up, filming, and now everything that’s been going on with Joe. 

The older boy was almost a million percent sure his parents would absolutely adore Joe. His mother would drag them into their small little home, bundling them up under stitched blankets and stuffing them full of delicious home cooked meals. Quickly instructing her husband to get cleaned up while she scolded Ben for not telling her he would be bringing a guest. Her blonde locks with silver pieces on close inspection would most likely be put up in a messy bun as she had been cleaning up or cooking. She would be the inquisitive one, sitting across from Joe once dinner ready at their old, chipped, table with her chin rested in her palm. Basking in every detail of how they met and the cute little romantic things her son had done for him. 

The much older man would have a hand in his wife’s, graying hair pushed back neatly and a nice sweater on. A big smile, matching his son’s, would be stretched across his fact at hearing about Joe being in one of the top school after working his ass off his whole high school career. Asking questions when his wife didn’t beat him to it, making sure to keep her from making the poor ginger uncomfortable with his excitable nature. 

They would both be so proud for finally bringing someone home after so long. Never really liking his last girlfriend and keeping their distance if they could. His mother, ever the outgoing and outspoken, told him how she wasn’t right for him. Now, he wished he had listened to her. That was in the past now and he had no doubts in his mind that his parents wouldn’t like the younger boy. 

Ben’s heart swelled at the thought, skipping a beat before kissing the top of the other boy’s head. 

“I’ll probably have to make a public statement about everything wants I talk to the director and make sure I didn’t completely lose my role.” 

Joe was half asleep at this point, the warmth from the other body and the slow raise of his chest washing him with waves of sleepiness. All he could muster was a soft ‘mhm’ before snuggling up closer to Ben. The younger boy had shifted a few minutes earlier so his ear was pressed against the other’s chest, sitting curled up into the blonde who had moved them so Ben wasn’t completely upright. 

“Would you be comfortable doing it with me? I mean you don’t have to, I just figured it may be nice for everyone to properly meet the love of my life, ya know.” He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face or the way his heart ached at how cute Joe looked with his mouth hanging open and a little drool at the corner of his mouth. “You sleep Lovie, we can talk more when you wake up.” 

It would take awhile, he knew, for Ben to fully forgive and forget everything. Even if his heart clenched and ached at not being able to fully trust the boy. Maybe Joe going back to England with him would not only give them more time together to get more of a feel for each other and just be together, but also give his heart a chance to patch itself up and open up fully to Joe once more. 

They could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be them heading up to London and picking up all the mess he left plus Gwilym and Lucy will be coming back!! Possibly... idk I haven’t written the chapter yet and I’m not about to lie to you, Lovies. 
> 
> I’m all kinds of a slut for kudos and comments


	18. No Place Like Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. This one is a shorter one but I promise the next one will be at least 3500 words you guys deserve it for putting up with me. Anyway I hope you can enjoy and anyone who can name the series I choose for Joe to watch that Ben place in I will give you a virtual cookie.

"Are you sure you packed everything?" Rami's voice rang from the other side of the room from Joe's phone that was sitting on the bedside table. The younger boy had been helping Joe pack for the last hour while Ben, after offering Joe to join him in the shower who instead smacked his ass and sent him on his way, and got his own things together. 

Rami, who was planning on flying back to the dorms the next day, had been thrilled to hear about his friend's adventure to the big city, London. After, of course, Joe begged for forgiveness and Rami finally gave in after the other promised never to lock himself up and not talk to his friend. Honestly, the younger of the two friends was just happy Ben had been able to pull the ginger out of the darkness that plagued him. Getting him out of the dorm and out of LA for a bit will probably be the best for Joe. And finding out the two planned on coming out and being a public couple meant he could post ALL the pictures he had of the two making heart eyes at each other and holding hands. Rami was more than ready to be the captain of this ship and of course share parenting with Gwilym and Lucy who would both fuss over the two lovebirds just as much as he would. 

They would need a ship name...  

"Yes, for the hundredth time."

Ben at this point was sitting on Joe's bed, towel around his waist while he packed up all the clothes he had thrown into his suitcase. Still very much naked but not bothered by the chill in the air from the air conditioner the pair had just gotten to work again. 

"And you checked the weather? You know it's not the same as it is in LA I can't have you going there in shorts and freezing to death." 

"I'll be fine, Ram."

"And condoms? You have to have those. And don't you worry I even bought the flavored ones," you could hear the smugness in Rami's voice with a wink following. Joe had all but tripped getting up to pick up his phone, crossing the room with his face burning like he was on fire. "Can't have you getting pregnant yet. Not until you're married young man." 

"Ok! Ok! Thank you, Rami. Goodbye." 

"Oh... is Ben there?" 

Ben was on his back laughing, clenching his side and trying to catch his breath while Joe glared at him. 

"Hello, Rami." Ben huffed out through his fits of laughter.

"Oh, hello, Benjamin dear. I hope you're being safe with my Joe. I don't want to have to hurt you." 

"Safe as can be, don't you worry." 

"Well I'll leave you two lovebirds alone. Play safe. Love you Joe!" And with that the line went dead with Joe throwing his phone down on the sheets next to Ben. The other still hadn't quite caught his breath, gasping for air and rubbing at his aching sides. 

"Not a word."

Ben helped Joe finish packing up toiletries and any little things he may need like his phone charger and a pair of headphones for the plane ride. Their flight was to leave late the same day which gave them enough time to eat something and get out of the country before rumors spread and Joe's dorm was surrounded by noisy college kids. 

Dinner was picked up by Joe, clothes damp in spots from the wrestle match him and Ben had gotten into before he had left, their laughter captured and trapped in the old brick of his dorm. He was thankful. Things felt almost... normal again and that thought alone had Joe relaxing a bit. 

They agreed on just some plain pizza from the shop not too far off campus, the ginger only leaving once he assured the other he would be fine treading off campus for a few minutes. He wasn't expecting to have so many people staring at him already, whispering to each other and glaring at him considering most of the college students on his campus normally didn't come back till much later in the night or the first day classes started. 

The little pizza shop was actually a quite nice one. Being one of the few newer buildings in the small town next to campus meant that the air conditioning worked wonders during the summer season which also meant a breeding ground for freshman to hangout. Joe had come with Rami at least once every week at this point, deciding pizza and a movie was the best way to spend a weekend instead of partying and vomiting up whatever he had eaten plus the stomach acid that would destroy his throat. 

It was a cute little shop owned by a small family that had moved into town almost a full year now. The middle aged man was notorious for sending death glares at the male customers who tried to flirt with his eldest daughter who was waiting tables and ones who seemed too flamboyant for his taste. Being narrow minded and bad mouthing gay couples when they would leave. Him being bigger built easily scared people away with just a glare or the flexing of his muscles under his uniform shirt. 

Dick.

His wife, when his daughters and son were too busy to comment, would hush him up. Telling him about his behavior before he shuffled off to the back to cool down. She would take over then, ginger hair pulled in a tight bun with short strands hanging to frame her face, freckles painting her face that always held a polite smile.

"Just a large plain to go, please." 

The middle aged man stared daggers at Joe, glaring from behind the counter where fresh pizza had just been put out for the lunch rush. 

"You that Mazzello kid everyone's been talking about?" It seemed less like a question and more of a spat statement. Joe reminded himself to let it go and just get his pizza. Unfortunately, when the older man saw the boy making no move to answer he became more annoyed, leaning over the counter to stare Joe down. His breath fanning over Joe's face. "I don't serve pizza to fags... get out of my shop." 

The closeness had his wife shuffling over quickly to them, opening her mouth before Joe could bite back at the man. "Honestly, Michael, you need to stop being so narrow minded and grow up. Love is love and just because they are both men shouldn't mean a thing." She huffed, hair pulled back in its normal tight bun. 

"And what do you seem to not understand the fact that it's not right. Why the hell would you want to be with another man? It's disgusting!" The older man had taken a step back to take a few steps closer to his wife. His yelling had made the few people in the shop turn and stare at the couple, the older women embarrassed at her husband for the scene he was creating. 

Instead of arguing, she pushed him towards the back of the shop. "Go make pizzas, I will handle the counter for now till you're over your temper tantrum." Their fight wasn't over, but no one else needed to know that. The almost empty shop had gone from silent back to silent chatter as the customers discussed what had just gone down. Disgust written on all of their faces at the man who had insulted Joe for no reason. Turning quickly around once the door to their kitchen was closed she put on her best smile, "I'm so sorry for him. We've all tried to get him to see it our way but he just can't wrap his head around love I suppose." 

Joe's anger had settled by this point seeing the women so apologetic. "It's fine, I understand."

"You and that Ben fellow are quite adorable together anyway," she winked and that had Joe breaking out into a smile. "I hope the press aren't to hard on you both. I know everyone in your business can be quite straining on a relationship." 

"Thank you, Ma'am." 

"Not a problem and no ma'am just Jessie is fine. Now what can I get you, Sweetie?" 

Their pizza was put into a to go box and handed over to him with a smile, a free drink and a dessert given to him even after he told her it was fine. She wouldn't let him leave without the apology snacks, telling Joe it wouldn't be enough surely but she wanted to give something back to him for the hard time he was given. It would take some time, he knew, to get used to all the staring and rumors but he knew Ben was worth it. They were worth it. 

It wasn't all that great, the pizza, it was kinda shitty. Nothing compared to the pizza back home where the sauce was fresh and the cheese was melted just right. Joe made a mental note to take Ben there one day, where him and his sister would hangout sometimes after school. Keeping out of trouble while their parents fought and keep the neighbors staring.

Snuggling up for the last time on Joe's creaky old bed Ben was sure he wouldn't mess with how much his muscles ached from the old springs stabbing into his back as he slept, Joe wrapped safely in his arms. Unpacking Joe's laptop that had seen better days with the missing keys and barely functioning keyboard. They decided to marathon Back To The Future, both loving the 80's era. More for the music and less for the fashion that had been quite strange. 

When it was time to go Joe did one more once over of the room to make sure he didn't forget anything before grabbing his keys and remembering to grab his passport. Shuffling out of the room with his suitcase trailing behind him. Ben, who was now in his incognito outfit or as much as he could hide himself when his name was all over the news right now, helped Joe take his carry on while he locked up his dorm. 

They decided driving themselves would be best. The more people they avoided the better. So, they packed everything into Joe's beat up car and drove off to the airport, tickets in hand. 

Even with their heads down, sunglasses and hats on people still noticed them. Crowding and trying to ask as many questions as they could. Luckily, security was there to handle it while the two had their things checked and boarded the packed plane. It was a surprise they were even able to get a flight out of LA considering everyone was coming back from spring break right now. 

Luck was on their side today it seemed. 

"Excited?" Ben asked once they were seated in their first class seats, wine in hand. 

"Yeah, definitely. I've only been out of the country once and it was for school so you can imagine how fun that was." Joe settled into his chair, taking in the people around them who were sipping on drinks and eating little snacks. It made him feel important that he was even sitting here with these people, with Ben especially. 

"Once we clear up everything and I have a job again I'll take you anywhere you want, Love. All the beautiful sights of London, once you get over the gloomy sky, and we can visit Gwil and Luce who I'm sure will be jumping out of their skins in excitement to see you again." 

"I'm glad they'll want to put up with me again," Joe laughed. Leaning against Ben's shoulder with one headphone in and his hand buried into a bag of peanuts the stewardess has given out, stealing Ben's bag when his eyes seemed too heavy to be paying attention. He got comfortable for the long ride, deciding on one of the older series Ben had played in to keep him entertained while the other slept soundly.

Joe was able to make it through the first half of the movie, Ben only waking when the other started to huff angrily at the screen. The blonde catching a few "are you kidding me?!", "Laura no!", and "fuck you Pedostache Mcgee!". When his sleep fogged brain finally caught up to him he realized Joe was watching one of his old series... and he wanted to throw himself out the plane. 

"Benny, you look so cute in this getup." Joe winked when he realized Ben was finally awake and his anger had simmered down. 

The other boy groaned and buried his face in the younger boy's shoulder. It was one of his more serious roles and his first real role he enjoyed doing. The people he had worked with had been far nicer than anyone else and creating chemistry between himself and the beautiful blonde who had played Laura wasn't hard when she was such a funny girl in person. That certainly didn't mean he wanted to watch himself on screen, no matter how little he appeared in the part Joe was at. Instead choosing to play with Joe's hair and watch his facial expressions as he progressed through the series. Finding entertainment in the younger boy's shifting moods and surprised gasps. 

By the time they landed Joe had finished two of Ben's movies, watched two seasons of the office, and had taken a power nap on Ben's shoulder while the other attempted to eat. Stepping off the plane and grabbing their things, they tried their best to go unnoticed. Keeping their heads down, hand in hand and avoiding contact with anyone who passed them by. It worked for a solid five or so minutes. 

Unfortunately luck wasn't completely on their side today. When someone knocked into Joe while hurrying to catch their own flight, being pulled by what they could assume to be his frantic wife and excited children, the ginger went tumbling to the ground with the impact. Hood sliding off his head and sunglasses slipping off his face. 

"You alright, Love?" Ben crouched to make sure Joe hadn't hurt himself in the fall. A crowd had surrounded the two, friendly faces making sure the young boy hadn't gotten hurt. It was that moment that one young girl in the sea of people recognized Joe, being a big fan of Ben and also the fact that their faces had been plastered everywhere. Putting two and two together it didn't take long for their luck to run dry.

"Omg! It's Ben Hardy!" One squeal turned into a chorus of squealing girls and noisy people trying to get pictures of the couple. Ben helped Joe up quickly, grabbing their things and running hand in hand out of the airport doors. 

Only being somewhat safe once outside the building with security stopping the mob, calling for back up and keeping everyone inside. Security was everywhere, blocking anyone outside from getting too close and keeping everyone else from venturing outside the doors. 

"So much for nonchalant..." Joe spoke first out of breath. Ben only groaned, fingers running through his hair in frustration.

After that they made it to Ben's flat without much trouble, tipping the cab driver a decent amount for helping them make a quick getaway from the crowd of squealing girls and glaring stares. Thankful no one had gotten hurt in their escape from the airport nor were many photos posted as of yet since they had arrived at the front gate of the flat. The older boy grabbing all of their things without a problem and jiggling his key into the lock. 

"Feels good to be home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this one! Next will be Joe and Ben getting comfortable in Ben’s flat plus Ben sitting up the interview and possibly the interview itself if I’m feeling nice lol 
> 
> Let me know how you feel about dialogue I’m always nervous about writing too much dialogue and you guys hating it so let me know please! Anyway hope to update again soon!
> 
>  
> 
> Update: I’m already a thousand words into the next chapter! This one is coming a lot easier than the last few. Hopefully I can update again tonight if not the latest will be Sunday 4/12/19


	19. What They Think and How I Feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. I was able to bang this one out pretty quickly and am going to be working hard on the next one. Don’t expect quick updates like this all the time.... I don’t want anyone to get their hopes up. 
> 
> Anyway enjoy Lovies!

"This is yours?" Joe's mouth hung agape, eyes wide and breath caught in his throat. Holy god this place was nice and made the ginger's bank account weep. Never had he seen something so expensive in person and he hadn't even stepped inside yet! 

"I know, it's not much compared to the glamour mansions you see on tv, but I like this little community. No one really bothers me and they're all quite friendly. Plus Gwilym and Lucy are only a couple of blocks away." Ben lugged all their things with little trouble, letting Joe walk ahead to check out his flat. 

"Not muc- are you nuts? This place is insane! Maybe I picked the wrong business to be apart of. Maybe I should try out being an actor." He slipped out of his shoes after side stepping the door and finding a few pairs of Ben's shoes lying neatly in a row. Socks slipping over cleaned titled floor and eyes wondering over the cream walls and large windows giving you a peak of the outside world. Almost losing it when he looked from one window to see a large pool with its own diving board, slide, and pool chairs making a mental note to go swimming before he left regardless of the weather. 

Ben finally spoke after shimming into his bedroom to put their things down, sliding down the door with a grunt trying to hit the handle just right to push the wood door open. "It's not all that much, but I'm glad you like it. Make yourself at home. Mi casa su casa." 

The other had already started raiding the fridge with a yawn slipping easily from his lips. "You have nothing to eat here," a yawn has him stopping again, "Are you trying to starve me?" 

"You just had a couple of bags of plane peanuts, your dinner and some of mine, plus whatever other snacks you snuck while I was sleeping. Time for bed, young man." Ben scolded him jokingly, wiggling his finger at the figure currently shifting around bottles and containers in his cupboard. 

"Whatever you say, Dad" Joe quipped. Paying no attention to the figure lurking behind him. That is until Ben wrapped his arms around his waist and picked him up with a squeal. "H-hey put me down!" It wasn’t threatening, full of laughter. He tried struggling against the other boy, but to no avail. Ben was stronger than he was, muscles flexing to keep him for squirming right back to the cupboard to munch of the bag of chips he found shoved in the darkest corner. 

"No bed time. Let's go, Love. You need to rest so I can show you around." Ben grunted, carrying the younger boy to his room with the other huffing. Arms crossed over his chest and legs dangling, defeated. Too tired to even attempt putting out anymore energy knowing it was useless fighting against Ben’s strong grip. 

The room wasn't small to say the least. Big enough to hold a king sized bed, grey sheets with a beautiful pattern stretched across the fabric. There were more than four pillows leading Joe to believe Ben needed a bunch of pillows to sleep which explained why back at the dorm he would wake up with all the pillows on Ben's side. There were two bedside tables with a vase of full bloomed red roses. A frame sat on the other and on closer inspection he could see the smiling faces of Lucy, Gwilym, and Ben. The boys arms curled around her small waist and crowding her. She didn’t seem to mind one bit with how wide her smile was. This picture just proved to Joe how close the three really were and he was so glad they didn’t mind including Rami or himself in their tight knit group. 

A wardrobe was pushed against the wall, door half opened and an array of colors peeking out. The carpeted floor a contrast to the rest of the flat Joe had seen which was all tiled. Another door had been left ajar which Joe assumed would be the master bathroom.  

The older boy dropped the other unceremoniously on the bed which bounced under the weight, shifting the sheets to tuck him in. "Hey what about my clothes? I can't sleep in these conditions."

"Oh, need help?" Ben winked, a playful smirk hanging off his lips. 

"Please?" 

The sheets were pulled once more exposing a still fully clothed  Joe to the cool air in the room. A soft kiss was pressed into his lips before Ben pulled away and started to tug at the t-shirt covering a familiar pale chest to him. "Of course, Love." Once that was pulled over his head in one swift motion, the older boy made quick work of Joe's old jeans. Sliding them down his leg with a little more effort. Then his socks were next tossing all the discarded clothes to the side. 

Arms wrapped around Ben's neck, pulling him down into a sloppy kiss. Teeth bumping with the two fighting for dominance. With one knee balanced on the bed and a hand placed next to ginger locks, that had fanned out over the pillow case, were the only things keeping Ben from crushing the boy. Joe didn't seem to mind, pulling the blonde closer with his fingers tangled in soft locks. 

It wasn't until Joe's hands started to wonder did Ben pull away, his face hard to read. "Not.. not tonight Joe. You need to get some sleep." Was the only thing mumbled in the air that had all but stopped around them. It felt like time had stopped and only now was catching up with them. 

Joe's face flushed and he quickly rolled over to avoid Ben's eyes. "Of course... ah... night Ben." 

They fell asleep with the awkwardness settling around them, Joe keeping his distance from Ben by sleeping almost at the edge of the bed. Not wanting to crowd the older boy, afraid to annoy or upset him further. Had he done something wrong? Maybe Ben thought all Joe wanted was sex. He really hoped not. Their relationship was so much more than that. 

An ache sparked in his chest. 

Joe woke to an empty bed,  the smell of breakfast slipping through the air, and the soft hum of music thumping through a speaker. He rubbed at his eyes, yawning before sitting up and stretching. Even after being shut down by Ben and not being snuggled up to him like he was used to, he somehow still managed to sleep like a baby. Blaming the much too comfortable bed and the scent of softener and Ben lulling him to sleep. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he picked up his shirt and threw that on along with his socks. Not caring much about walking around in his boxers. He dragged his feet, rubbing his eyes once more, hair sticking up in every direction. 

"Good Morning or should I say, afternoon, Love." Ben was already dressed, hair gelled, a nice shirt and a pair of jeans, and a big smile stretched across his face. To protect his clothes from the popping oil, he wore a cute apron that said 'Kiss The Cook', a gift from Gwilym for his birthday. Swaying to the gentle beat of one of Queen's slower songs. It seemed the band were slowly becoming their thing. "Hope you like pancakes and bacon." He leaned in to kiss Joe's cheek before moving back to the bacon that was currently spitting oil at him. 

"Have you not heard of IHOP?"

"Of what?"

"IHOP," Joe slid into the bar stool facing the island. "International House Of Pancakes? We love pancakes." 

"International... why didn't we go there when I was in America?" Ben huffed, flipping the large pancake sat in the skillet. 

"Eh," Joe shrugged, "it's not all that great."

A plate was placed in front of him, a short stack of pancakes and a few pieces of crispy bacon. "Well, I hope this is to your liking, Lovey." Pouring a glass of orange, he placed that in front of Joe next to his plate. "Mangia," Ben placed a kiss on the younger boy's nose before turning back to the stove to finish off breakfast so they could sit together. 

They ate in mostly silence, the only sound being whatever Queen playlist Ben had playing in the background. The volume to the speaker being lowered as they ate, no longer needing to blast the music as the flat settled in silence. Ben pipping up every so often to ask how Joe slept and if the food was alright. The awkwardness from last night seeming to have vanished into the air, waiting for the right moment to settle back between the two. 

Joe ate until he felt like he couldn't anymore, sighing softly and thanking his lucky stars he hadn't deicded to change before breakfast. Fingers came down to rub soft circles into his full belly and Joe couldn’t appreciate Ben more than he did right now. Smiling at the older boy, “feeling up my food baby?”. The older boy was actually a pretty good cook. His pancakes sweet and fluffy and moist. Not needing to drown them in syrup so his food didn't end up caught in his throat. 

“Yeah until the day I get you pregnant and have the chance to rub your belly all day.” 

Joe huffed, “like I would let you have my shirt hiked up at all hours of the day when I look like a beached whale.” 

“You’ll be beautiful, Love.” Ben kissed the top of his head, a loving smile on his face. It was as if Joe had hung the moon and star and the world would stop turning without him. It was an amazing feeling. Being loved by someone like this. 

"So," Ben moved his hands from Joe, taking their plates before sitting back down to face the younger boy. "I have to set up and interview to settle everything once I know where I stand in filming. Would you... I mean would you want to come with me? You don't have to go out and sit with me, but even you being on set would make me feel better."

He wasn’t expecting this, in the midst of stretching. Eyes closing opening to meet with green eyes that seemed to always be able to pierce right through him, he thought about it. Joe had never been one for much attention. Always much rather keep to himself than be bothered with other people. So, this attention he would be getting while on set off put the ginger. How would he react having all those people staring at him like an animal at the zoo, like he was a wonder instead of a human being dating another human. They would want answers. Giving him horrid glares and snaring comments at him. 

'Why would Ben choose someone like you?' or 'What's so great about you?'. He wasn't sure if he was ready for these type of questions. Still asking himself why Ben had given up dating someone famous and well known and, well, much more attractive than he was. Why waste his time with someone like Joe? A nobody. 

Looking at Ben's face, he could see the look of hope pleading at him from the green eyes he's come to love more and more. If the other boy needed him than he would be there. Just like how the blonde had flown out to LA just to be with him, to make sure he was ok. If he could do this much for him, watching from the sidelines and making Ben feel even a bit more comfortable going on live tv and sharing his business because people couldn't fathom the Brit being with anyone who wasn't of higher standards or how he could sacrifice his job for a nobody. 

Screw them, Joe could do this small thing for someone he's grown to love more as the days go by. 

"Of course, Benny. Anything to make you comfortable while you tell your whole life story to a bunch of noisy people." 

A kiss was pressed into his lips. Joe could feel the smile the other boy was sporting, imprinting a smile into his own lips. 

"Thank you, Joey." 

Ben had left the flat not long after, promising to be back as soon as he talked to the director about everything and secured his role. Telling him to call Lucy or Gwilym if he could bored, knowing one of the two may be free to spend time with Joe. So, after kissing the boy goodbye and giving him a good luck slap, Joe decided to see what was on tv. 

"-ardy and his boyfriend Joe Mazzello were caught getting on the flight to what we can assume was London seeing as hours later they were mobbed by fans in the Stansted airport." Joe's fingers twitched, ready to flip the channel but curiosity won out. It was a talk show, one of the many were women sit around and gossip about the latest news. The women currently talking was an older brunette, her hair curled and a heavy amount of makeup caked to her face. She wore a simple blouse in a rich white color with a gold necklace around her neck. 

"Boyfriend? Can you believe that? I mean Ben goes... ya know, off the map for awhile after his break up and then we find out he's been in some secret relationship." Another women, darker skinned in a fitted black dress. "What was his name...?"

"Joe Mazzel-"

"That's right Joe Mazzello." They pulled up a picture of Ben and Joe together from the Golden Globes. All smiles and heart eyes even back then. "He's a looker, but I still think him and Cassandra Dickins were a perfect match. I mean did you see how Ben looked at her." A picture of Ben and a beautiful girl with the biggest blue eyes he had ever seen and a huge smile. They looked happy, his arm around her waist loosely while her arms were looped around his neck. Both seemed to have been caught in mid laugh.

She had natural beauty and you could tell, barely wearing any makeup but still looking better than all the girls in the magazine who were plastic. Her hair had been pulled back in a messy bun, strands of chestnut hair framing her face. White teeth, perfect porcelain skin, and the cutest dimples. 

It made Joe feel insecure, seeing how beautiful Ben's ex had been. He knew she wasn't all what she made herself to be, but she was gorgeous. How could Ben go from her to someone like him. It didn't make sense. Joe sunk further into the cushions, heart heavy. 

"They were cute, weren't they. I still don't believe the rumors of her cheating. I can see that coming from Ben and even that would still be a surprise to me." A third women with blonde hair and a natural look spoke up. Long nail drumming the table they all sat at. "Maybe this Joe kid was the reason of them breaking up. Think about it, Ben goes into hiding, gets a role in a new upcoming tv series, and then all the sudden there's Joe popping up at the biggest moment in Ben's career. He's gotta be a gold digger." 

The darker skinned women nodded, "a young college student like that would need Ben's kind of money. Especially all that debt that comes with it. I remember being in college and all the odd jobs I had to do to be able to pay for school." 

Joe felt sick to his stomach, flipping the tv off and sitting back into the leather couch he had flopped onto. Gold digger... the 'side chick'? Is that really what they thought of him? 

It didn't make sense. Who were these people to pretend like they knew what was going on between him and Ben? To talk about them like it was nothing, like they were sat at a diner in the back corner gossiping about the office instead of in front of millions talking about something they had no business talking about. Where do they get off? 

With shaky fingers, rage bubbling up inside and pooling out to every nerve ending, he turned the tv back on ready to defend himself to the emptiness of the room. 

"-know I think they make a cute couple. And I mean look at those heart eyes. It's adorable." The brunette was talking about, a picture pulled up on the side of the screen of the ice rink date. The two were skating around on the ice, Ben's hand on the small of Joe's back while he found his sea legs. They were looking at each other, big smiles and flushed cheeks from the cold. "Have you seen the fan base for these two? They've only been out as a couple for a few days now and already millions are backing the pair up. I mean that should tell you all you need to know." 

Joe liked this lady. 

"Agh yes, the young kids who love this pair together. What are they calling them... 'Hardzello' right? Cute name I have to say." The two women looked annoyed with the brunette for back the two up, but she didn't seem to care one bit. 

Maybe the whole world wouldn't be against Ben dating a nobody. 

Ben was nervous. Ben was so nervous he was nervously sweating. He was so nervous he was sure his nervous sweat was nervously sweating.

Pulling out of the driveway and leaving Joe behind was hard enough, wanting to spend as much time with the boy before the inevitable. Showing the younger boy around and enjoying the look of awe he was sure Joe would have. First, though, he had to smooth out his career situation. Starting with the director and then an interview. 

It wasn't a long drive, but with his heart thumping harshly against his chest and his jumbled thought it surely felt like a light year away. Ben tried everything to calm his nerves. Texting Gwilym before he had driven off to wish and luck and keep Joe company while he was gone, listening to Queen (it worked until Another Bites The Dust' played causing him to spiral back into thoughts of losing his spot in the series.), and running his fingers through his hair more than necessary. Kicking himself he silently wished he had asked Joe to come with. At least if he lost this role he would have Joe there to help him feel better. 

It was too late to go back now. 

When he finally pulled onset after being stopped by security and having his car routinely checked, he saw the crew start to stop and turn towards him. Cameras stopped rolling and the director nearly fell out of his chair. The look of pure relief was hardly masked by the look of anger Oliver was trying to give him. It didn’t work. Ben could feel himself starting to lose his nerves at seeing the man’s face. 

Perfect, he could do this. 

“Benjamin, nice of you to show up.” Oliver took his sunglasses off, crossing his arms over his chest. “I knew you would come crawling back.”

Everyone was staring at them, whispering to each other and pointing. Ben didn’t mind one bit. Let them stare, it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to being stared at like an animal at the zoo. He didn’t mind letting them think what they wanted to. These people didn’t mean much to him anyway, all rude remarks and glares. That’s all they ever were to him. Only a few crew members and a costar or two actually cared about him and wanted to talk to him like a human being instead of someone to beat. 

“Can’t exactly run a show without the main character,” Ben started, “and the fans were so up in arms. I had no choice but to come back.” 

“You smug...” the man sighed, “you better be on set tomorrow morning or I am really going to look for a replacement.” 

“I missed you too, old chap.” 

With that in order thanking anyone who was looking out for him up there, he now had to worry about the interview. Who would listen to him and let him tell his side of the story? And how much did he actually want people to know? Ben had always been more of a private person, not wanting to share his whole life with people he didn’t know. With his fans he loved to give a little bit of something just so they knew he loved them and all the support they have given him throughout his career. Pictures of him playing rugby or of Lucy, Gwil, and himself during their movie nights. When they would all be snuggled up together, one of them always ending up covered in popcorn when the other two would team up and start a popcorn war. 

Giving them a little something of what his life really was. Not what the media painted him to be. The ‘pretty face’, ‘nice body’, ‘ex model’ he hated all the labels and was glad to find out so did most of his fans. Of course a few would post comments on his body, inappropriate things he would have felt better not knowing. There wasn’t much he could do about it. Not much more he could do to paint his image any different. 

He wouldn’t allow the media to destroy Joe’s image. This is what the whole interview was for. Fuck his image and career, Joe was more important. 

“The best we can do is Tuesday morning. Would that be ok with you, Mr. Hardy?” 

“Yeah, I think we can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so how was that? Hope it wasn’t too rushed or anything. This was one of the ones I actually had time to sit and work on. 
> 
> Be ready for the next chapter where we see leading up to the interview plus the interview at the end
> 
> Update: You guys are actually the sweetest. I just want all of you to know that I do read your comments and wow I’m just blown away by your support. I am so so so sorry you guys are still waiting for the next chapter, but this one is a bit difficult to write. To the point that I have deleted parts, rewrote parts more than once, and had to step away because I didn’t like the way it was coming out. I’m also working on two other stories that I got the idea for an thought it might be fun to write while I take a break from this. Anyway! I am still working on chapter 20 and I hope to get it out to you guys by the end of the week. I’m gonna leave a little sneak peak of the next chapter, you all earned it.
> 
> And if you just read that long paragraph well bless you. 
> 
>  
> 
> "Hey Gwil?"
> 
> "Yeah?"
> 
> "Thank you." 
> 
> By the time Ben had gotten back, Gwilym had already invaded his home. Finding him and Joe cuddled up on his couch watching some crappy show, the ginger already half asleep. An empty bottle and two glasses lay abandoned tucked next to the couch. 
> 
> "Trying to steal away my man, Gwil? How despicable." Ben jokes crossing his arms over his chest and frowning at the two snuggled cozy up to each other. 
> 
> "Oh please, I set you two up in the first place and anyway I'm the one who flirted with him first and blew his mind with my amazing dancing." Gwilym teased, rubbing circles into Joe's side that left him on the slippery edge of ticklish. 
> 
> "And I swooped in and took him right from under your nose, Mate." Ben moved towards the couch after kicking his shoes off, lifted Joe's legs up before sliding underneath him. 
> 
> "Never thought I'd have two attractive guys fighting over me. It's kinda hot," The younger boy winked while shifting himself to get comfortable once more.
> 
> They two older boys looked between each other than towards Joe, playful smirks stretched across their faces. Leaning in they both placed dramatic, wet, sloppy kisses to either of Joe's cheeks. 
> 
> The ginger recoiled, mock disgust and a laugh caught on his lips. He brought the backs of his hands to his face to wipe off their spit. "I hate you both."


	20. It All Stops With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just... I'm a little nervous about this interview. I don't want this to be what... what breaks us apart. And I know it's silly I just really care about you and your parents seemed to really take a liking to me and I just-" 
> 
> "None of that, Joe. This won't have any affect on us. If anything this will bring us closer. Telling everyone to shove off." Ben pulled Joe into a hug, rolling them over so the younger boy was laying on top of him. "I love you and I promise you I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well lovies... here she is. The long awaited chapter 20. I am so so sorry I made you guys wait so long. Like I stated before some chapters are a bit harder to write and for me (because I’ve never been to London... I have no idea what it looks like or the sights people go to see nor the history behind it). Then I thought of two pretty decent ideas for other fics to work on while I processed and took a step away from this one which are pretty decent if I do say so myself. 
> 
> Anyway I just want to personally thank the archive user who wrote out a heartfelt paragraph about how happy they are about me posting. I just wanted to let you know, whoever you may be you wonderful wonderful person, that I didn’t lose inspiration to write this chapter was just a bitch really. And no you did not annoy me one bit with your little message it’s the reason I actually finished this chapter. Without you this would have probably taken a lot longer. 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway if you just read that whole thing bless you and i’ll try my best to not keep you hanging for that long again as long as work doesn’t get in the way.

Gwilym had come over not long after Ben's text, having a free day from filming to spend time with the lovely ginger. It was only a walk away which made everything much either, changing into a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt before making his way over to Ben's. A bottle of wine and some snacks as a 'Welcome to London' for Joe. 

Sneaking in as quietly as he could with how loud the lock sounded through the house, He wasn't expecting to find the other boy sunk into the cushions as far as he could manage. Cuddling up to a pillow with his phone in hand and wearing one of Ben's older shirts that he hadn't seen the boy wear in far too long. The older of the two kicked off his shoes quickly and made his way over to the sunken boy. Wine, snacks, and all. 

"Hey Joe, good to see you again." The smile he sent to the ginger was easy with underlinings of comfort. 

Joe nearly had a heart attack, phone dropping onto his thigh. "Jesus Gwil you nearly gave me heart failure!"

"Sorry buddy," he moved through the kitchen with a chuckle. Rummaging through the drawers until he found what he was looking for. The corkscrew. Once the bottle was opened and he was able to pour two generously full glasses, made his way over to Joe. "Here." Carefully handing one glass to Joe, Gwilym sat back on the couch. The other boy looking so small loosely holding onto a throw pillow, legs criss crossed, wine glass in hand. Silently he hoped the boy would open up to him about whatever seemed to be bothering him. It was odd, seeing Joe so down when just a few months ago he was lighting up a room with his genuine smile and laughing up a storm. "What's wrong?" He had to pry, seeing as the boy had gone silent. 

Joe was silent for a moment, avoiding looking at Gwilym. He felt silly getting upset over what people who didn't matter thought of him and his relationship with Ben. Even then it still hurt. 'Gold digger' 'slut' 'sugar baby' and the worst part was that they didn't even try and understand who he was. Jumping to quick conclusions like everyone else. Following the trend of beating down on someone who wasn't what the public thought was best for Ben. 

What did they know? 

I... well I was just trying to watch some tv and it was on some talk show and... they think I'm a gold digger, Gwil. Me. I could care less how much Ben is worth because his money means nothing to me." 

Gwilym wrapped his arms around thin shoulder, pulling the other closer and letting him rest his head on his own shoulder. "Those people don't know what they're talking about, Mate. We know how much you two care about each other." 

"... I know. And I thought I was over it but then I turned on my phone to see if Rami was back at the dorm yet and just let him know I made it here and then... my phone blew up with all these notifications and a lot of them were good but then there were a few who were bashing me for being with Ben and I just... I don't understand why it matters so much to them." 

"It's because it doesn't matter. Don't let anyone dictate your relationship. You guys are great together and that's what matters. Screw everyone else." The thumb on his upper arm rubbed soothing circles into the worn out tee he had stolen from Ben. 

There was a moment of silence only their breathing being heard between the two before Joe spoke up once again. A soft smile in his voice, "Hey Gwil?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." 

By the time Ben had gotten back, after sitting in his car talking over with one of the talk shows he not only had made an appearance on more than once but one of the few he actually liked, Gwilym had already invaded his home. Finding him and Joe cuddled up on his couch watching some crappy show, the ginger already half asleep. An empty bottle and two glasses lay abandoned tucked next to the couch. 

"Trying to steal away my man, Gwil? How despicable." Ben jokes crossing his arms over his chest and frowning at the two snuggled cozy up to each other. 

"Oh please, I set you two up in the first place and anyway I'm the one who flirted with him first and blew his mind with my amazing dancing." Gwilym teased, rubbing circles into Joe's side that left him on the slippery edge of ticklish. 

"And I swooped in and took him right from under your nose, Mate." Ben moved towards the couch after kicking his shoes off, lifted Joe's legs up before sliding underneath him. 

"Never thought I'd have two attractive guys fighting over me. It's kinda hot," The younger boy winked while shifting himself to get comfortable once more.

They two older boys looked between each other than towards Joe, playful smirks stretched across their faces. Leaning in they both placed dramatic, wet, sloppy kisses to either of Joe's cheeks. 

The ginger recoiled, mock disgust and a laugh caught on his lips. He brought the backs of his hands to his face to wipe off their spit. "I hate you both." 

Joe's first day in London went by smoothly, hanging out with the two boys in Ben's flat snuggled up to the two figures and feeling better than he had in a while. It was peaceful.

The next day Ben had decided to take the boy out to lunch. Hurrying him like a child on Christmas morning, excited to show Joe all of London. Even if that meant they'd be bothered by people passing by and noisy photographers. Screw them they were going to have fun. 

"The Breakfast Club?" 

"It's good." 

Joe smiled, "lead the way then." 

They decided to walk, Joe needing to stretch his legs after laying around all day squished lovingly between his boyfriend and their friend. Gwilym deciding to stay late and hangout with the two. Especially after the ginger had confided in the other while Ben was away. Knowing the younger boy would need a proper welcoming to London and not the shit show he got when turning on the tele. 

It wasn't a very long walk, per say, but they did get recognized by fans and critics alike. Ben chose to ignore them. "Let them take their pictures and tell their stories. We know the truth and that's what matters." He leaned down to whisper near Joe's ear as they approached the little breakfast shop. It was strange being here. Reminding him of home more than he liked to admit. The shop fronts and crowded streets reminded Joe of pushing past people to get home or window shopping when he still didn't have much money. All that was missing we're the people slamming into you, the strange smells, and of course the people who ask for money. Not the homeless, but the people dressed up who follow tourists around and ask for money. 

The restaurant was a cute little thing with two stories from what Joe could tell. It was painted in inviting yellows, whites, and blues. A little section was made outside for customers to eat out if they wanted to and the weather called for it. The place was packed. Every seat taken from outside and the waiting area with a long bench to one side across from the hostess counter. There were people standing, sitting, pushing themselves against the wall to keep out of the way. It was an expensive looking place. People more dressed up than Joe had ever seen for breakfast. 

As they moved inside it seemed the whole place stopped. Wondering eyes looking at the couple and whispering their own thoughts about the two. 

Joe moved himself closer to Ben. 

"Mr. Hardy," the hostess smiled from her post. Grabbing two menus from behind her and stepping out from behind the counter. "Breakfast for two then?" She was a middle aged women, her chocolate like hair already showing her grays and her eyes looked tired. Showing off her age. 

Joe gave Ben a curious look and the blonde just shrugged. 

The hostess lead them up a flight of industrial looking stairs and through the upstairs part of the restaurant. People gapping at them as they passed. Until she stopped at a door in the far back, opening the glass doors and moving out of the way for them to walk in. 

It was a beautiful view of the city, seeing the little shops below and all the busy people walking past in a hurry to get to work. Their table was out of the line of sight from all large windows and the doors they had walked through, giving them their own space to enjoy their breakfast instead of being stared at like an animal at the zoo. 

"Here you are, the balcony area." She put their plates down, the winked. "Enjoy. I'll have one of the waiters come and take care of you two." The hostess walked towards the door, but stopped before she opened it. "I think you two are adorable by the way. Excuse my language, but everyone else can sod off about you two." And then she walked away.

Joe couldn't help the smile that stretched across his face. "How sweet. At least the whole world doesn't hate me." 

Ben's hand come down to lay gently over the ginger's. "Of course not, Love. They don't hate you. They just hate that they hadn't found out about us sooner." 

They grabbed their menus, intertwining their other hands. Joe spent the first five minutes of them being their looking at the menu and finding nothing he particularly cared for. Glazing over the menu with drowsy eyes. 

"Hello, and welcome to The Breakfast Club. My name's John and I'll be your waiter this morning. Can I get you anything to drink?" He liked young, almost younger than Joe. Hair pushed back, standard uniform on, and a cute pair of glasses pushed up on his nose. Seeming a little nervous. 

Joe groaned, "please tell me you have coffee. I don't think I can go on without it." Overdramatic or not he could not go without coffee again. 

Their waiter laughed something heartfelt and soft, "yes we do, don't worry. I know how you Americans are with your coffee."

"It's bloody good," Joe laughed at the sound of his own British accent. Which had gotten pretty good from impersonating Ben all the time. 

The two brits chuckled, this seemed to help the other boy relax some. "Of course and for you, Mr. Hardy?"

"Tea, please." 

"No problem and do you two know what you want or do you need a few minutes?"

"I'll need sometime." 

"Of course take your time," and then their waiter was leaving, walking back only when the mugs were placed down in front of the two. Joe decided to play it safe and just get pancakes. Everything else sounding strange and like something that would have him sick to his stomach for the rest of the day. 

They sipped on their drinks and made small conversations about what Joe wanted to see while they were here. Of course he couldn't help himself and said he wanted to see Big Ben which had a little playful smirk pulling at the corner of Ben's lips. 

Paying for their food, they left soon after. Joe embarrassed at leaving a tip on the table and having Ben grab it before they left. "We don't leave tips here, Love. That's an American thing." 

The two decided collectively, more so Joe than, to go window shopping. Joe getting excited at all the little shops. Buying a t-shirt with the Big Ben on it and a shirt for his sister. Remembering to send it back to her when he was back home. 

Home. 

He would really miss Ben when he was gone. 

"Well, what do you wanna see while you're here, Love? Anything special?" 

"I wanna ride the London Eye." Joe was like an excitable child. It had Ben chuckling, giving their joined hands a squeeze.   
"Alright, Joey we can do that."

"... at night. The lights look beautiful along the water in pictures." 

"We can do that, but we do have a few hours to kill before sundown. Anything else you wanna do before that?"

"Show me around?" 

And that's what they did. Ben showing Joe most of the historical landmarks they could walk to because they both agreed public transportation could end badly. Waiting until the sunset to make their way to the London eye. 

“I’m going to have calves of steel after this trip,” Joe joked who got a pretty hearty laugh from the blonde. 

“I promise tomorrow we can take the car.”

“Thank god.” 

Ben paid for them to get on after much protesting from Joe who didn’t want the other spending money on him. Almost sixty dollars for one Ferris wheel ride... Joe would have rather waited for the movie to come out. 

It was well worth it though. After standing in line for far longer than they cared to with screaming kids and awestruck tourist, it was finally their turn. Ben let Joe in first, letting him slid into the little cart before getting in himself. Moving after Joe kicked him playfully and told him to sit next to him. 

“It’s beautiful, Ben.” 

“Not as beautiful as you, Love.” 

Before they knew it laughing, joking and spending time together cuddled up on Ben's couch it was time to prepare themselves for the in pending doom. 

The interview Joe dreaded terribly. Afraid this could be the thing that finally breaks them up. 

Waking up in Ben's arms was always comforting like a security blanket for a child. Something about being wrapped up in strong arms, warm breath racing up the expense of his neck before cooling over goosebumped skin. The smell of Ben's shampoo mixed with the softener from the bedding made Joe's muscles relax instantly. 

He shifted so he could watch the other sleep. Lips parted ever so softly and a relaxed expression etched into his features. Ben was beautiful, a wonder that Joe would be able to discover and rediscover as many times as the blonde would allow. Tracing nimble fingers along the sharp jawline and over the lips he had kissed more times than he had bothered to count. 

Joe couldn't think of going back to not having Ben in his life. Growing accustomed to how touchy he was, his laugh that made Joe's heart clench harder than medically safe, the lazy smile the ginger turned to see every morning, and all the long talks they were able to have about something as deep as the universe or just about small things like movies they loved or songs they enjoyed. Play fighting over who the better Queen member was (John Deacon obviously) and if Backstreet Boys was really better than N'Sync (which Ben also had bad taste in. Let's be honest Backstreet Boys were so much better. Justin Timberlake is so overrated). It was things like these that made Joe love Ben more and more. 

He was petrified this interview would change everything. 

His talk with Gwil had made him feel a little better, putting some of his fears at bay for the time being. Until, of course, now where he was hours from being on set of a well known talk show. Where they would be asking questions and prying into their life like they were a science project to dissect and understand. What if this was what finally tore them apart? 

"What's wrong?" Ben had slowly started to wake with Joe's thumb brushing over his bottom lip and moving back to rub circles into his cheek. The younger boy startled, pulling away as if he had been shocked. 

"Nothing, I'm alright." His voice came out a lot weaker than he was expecting, cracking at the end. A disapproving stare was sent his way mixed with a long yawn. 

"Love, I know that's not true. Just tell me what's bothering you." Their hands were laced together, the hand that had been drawling lines into his face pulled back and placed gently into soft skin. Joe looked apprehensive, biting at his lip nervously. 

"I just... I'm a little nervous about this interview. I don't want this to be what... what breaks us apart. And I know it's silly I just really care about you and your parents seemed to really take a liking to me and I just-" 

"None of that, Joe. This won't have any affect on us. If anything this will bring us closer. Telling everyone to shove off." Ben pulled Joe into a hug, rolling them over so the younger boy was laying on top of him. "I love you and I promise you I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to." 

Joe smiled softly, placing a soft kiss on Ben's lips before snuggling up to the older boy. He always knew just what to say to make his anxiety seep away. Slowly, but still enough so that his stomach didn't clench uncomfortably and leave his palms sweating and breathing erratic. 

"Now let's get ready, Love. I have a feeling today is going to be a long day." 

They drive there was quiet and felt like a life time, but they knew words didn't need to be spoken. Their hands intertwined was enough comfort. Joe's head lay against Ben's shoulder, eyes closed and anxiety running high. Praying everything would go well. 

When they got there the couple were quickly greeted by staff who lead them to a dressing room where they could get ready if need be. Instead the two ended up seated on a couch just talking. Waiting for the hostess to introduce herself. 

They didn’t have to wait long. A tall brunette knocked once before opening the door with a big smile on her face. A smile that you could see the underlining of a disinterested look. 

“Good Morning, Lovies.” She moved over to Ben first, pulling him in for a short hug after he had stood up. Then slowly turned to Joe. “You must be the infamous Joe everyone has been talking about. It’s nice to finally meet you, I’m Kate Giller.” 

Joe outstretched a hand, hoping she wouldn’t take notice to how sweaty his hands were from nerves. “It’s nice to meet you, Joe Mazzello.” 

Kate laughed, a short fake laugh turning to look at Ben. “He’s a cutie, Ben.” 

“I know,” his eyes found Joe’s and they shared a smile. 

It wasn’t long before Ben was moved on set, Joe giving him a quick peak on the cheek and a slap on his ass for good luck. 

"Good Morning, London! We have a special guest with us today. You may know him from his slow beginnings as a model while he transitioned into acting, the amazing performance on the highly talked about series 'Black Iris' or his amazing Golden Globe win. Either way, here he is! Mr. Ben Hardy."

The camera panned out of the women's face and centered to show the studio set up and Ben who was sitting with one leg over the over, a cute little smile on his face. "Good Morning, Ben. I'm so glad you got in touch with us. I haven't gotten the chance to speak with you since before the premiere of the first season of Black Iris. You kind of went MIA after that. I loved you in the first season, by the way. You really brought the character to life. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time." 

"Thank you I'm really glad you liked it. That was actually one of the roles I really enjoyed doing. It was very different from everything I have done so far." 

They went on to talk about his career. What direction he planned on taking once the filming was over and the project wrapped. Ben kept his answers short but sweet, not going into anything about Joe just yet. Wanting to keep their life as private as he could. 

"So, you've been all over the news recently which is a surprise since you have been kind of M.I.A from the media since your breakup with Cassandra." Ben physically tensed. His smile just a bit tighter and his foot bouncing. "How did things end with her? I mean is it true about the breakup or is that just all speculation from the press." 

"... what has the media been saying? I haven't- wasn't keeping up back then." You could tell he was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. Joe wanted to jump from his sit and stomp out on stage. Telling the lady to back off and taking Ben away from prying eyes. 

"A lot of speculation about cheating. People are saying that she cheated on you but I'm not sure if I fully believe that. I mean you both were so happy and she doesn't seem the type nor do you." 

"... it just didn't work out that's all." 

"Yes, but I mean what really happened. Give us all the dirt." 

Ben was itching to just walk off stage, but didn't want more backlash or enraged fans and more people who didn't know anything making up stories. So, he took a breath and told them what he wanted. "We break it off. It was mutual. That's all." It almost came out as a bite but he tried to rope it all back in with, "but I'm happy now." 

That seemed to get her attention. A smirk forming on her face and her legs crossing, leaning in. "Oh, yes. You have someone new in your life. You surprised all of us. We never would have guessed you were gay." 

He wanted to argue against that statement but it wouldn't matter and would just give people more bate to chew on. 

"What was his name again? Joe right? He's a sweetheart. He's actually backstage right now," the camera changed to Joe who was watching from a flat screen they had set up in one of the waiting areas. He was surprised to see his face show up on screen, flashing a small smile and a wave before fading back to Ben and the host. "Now, Joe is a little camera shy so we couldn't convince him to come out on stage. Maybe you'll be able to tell us more about him in his absence?"

Ben smiles fondly, "of course. We met at the Golden Globes. He was going with Gwilym-"

"And you two have been friends since your college day, yes?"

"Even longer actual. We met in America as exchange students. Where we stayed were only a walk away so we spent a lot of time together. Then when we came back we found that we didn't live far from each other and we got into the same college."

"Wow, what a small world." She nodded in agreement to herself. "So, there was no rivalry with Joe?"

"No, Gwil took Joe just as a friend. So, I was able to swoop him up right for under Gwil's nose. We danced and then got the boys, Rami Joe's friend and Joe, both back to their dorm safely. I convinced Joe to go out on a date with me and that was history," Ben smiled wider at the memory, remembering Joe's shocked face when he showed up on campus with gifts galore. 

A picture was pulled up on screen of a nicely dressed Ben, arms full of gifts with Joe's side profile. Half asleep and hair a bit messy from his nap during class. The older boy couldn't help his heart jumping at the adorable sight. The small crowd awed at the picture. 

"Agh yes, this infamous picture. Your fans went crazy over this. Trying to figure out who it was."

"Well, now they know," Ben laughed whole heartily. 

"So, Joe were these dates? Do anything special?" He could tell she wanted to say expensive just by the glint in her eyes. She was a reporter after all and wanted dirt. 

"We drove up to the canyon and did a picnic and of course argued over who the better queen member was, which is obviously Roger Taylor." The crowd laughed along with Ben a muffled cry of 'John Deacon is better' came from the back with Joe's smiling stretched wide. "Then I took him ice skating after talking to his sister and getting her to send me his skates which was very difficult, but happened all the same." 

A picture was put up on the screen of the two skating on the ice. Noses red, cheeks flushed, and absolute adoration in their eyes. Their gloved hands linked together. 

"Sneaky Rami got this picture, we didn't even know they were still there." The older boy laughed once more at the memory. His smile almost hurting it was so wide. Heart swelling at seeing Joe so happy. "Our final date was on the beach. I was able to get us a little beach house right on the beach. We stayed out watched scary movies and of course got completely drenched in water." 

The picture pulled up was of Rami and Ben who had set everything up hours before. He remembered how long it had taken them to set up and how terrible he had felt keeping Rami away from Luce who hadn't been feeling well. "Rami helped set everything up with me which I still owe him for. I wouldn't have been able to do it without him." 

"Very cute things," she smiled, "and inexpensive too. I suppose Joe is a cheap date then?"

Ben bit back what he wanted to say, "Joe told me before we even went out together that he didn't want me buying him anything. No gifts and no extravagant dates." 

"I see," she seemed disappointed, "and you two have been together since. Congratulations." 

It was fact, but he would take it. 

"That's all the time we have then, I'll see you all tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? I promise there will be more cute banter between the two, Lucy will make an entrance, and we may or may not be meeting the lovey Hardy family. 
> 
> I will leave a sneak peak here once I have the next chapter mostly done.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed. Please, if you liked it, leave me some feedback. Let me know if you want more or not. Thanks you guys! For context chapter 2, 3, and 4 are before 1 just because I wanted to show how Gwilym Joe and Rami met and everyone’s relationship with each other


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